Re:Sitting on spare seats at an occupied table in a cafe

[Bahhhhhumbug]

Just asking your thoughts really. DD and I were in a small licensed cafe in a local town during the day recently. It is a bit of a 'lovey' type place with lots of showbiz people etc. without outing where I live. The café is quite cramped with lots of little tables seating no more than four people each and that's at a push really.
It is very popular and DD and I got the last available table (the least popular right in front of the door , so draughty) We then observed several couples standing in the doorway yeah thanks for that looking around to establish there were no empty tables and one older couple on being told by the waiter very apologetically that there were no tables and he didn't know how long and would they like to sit at a table outside (fairly decent day) and have a coffee or something till one became available.
But no they decided to stand there in the doorway and gawp round the room assessing how far on everyone was with their meal/drink, including pointing when someone made any sort of move to go to the toilet or whatever. They seemed to be discussing a lady sat in a corner at a table alone reading a paper whilst having her drink /food and the fact she was sat on her own with 'three empty seats' but then decided against it and left.
They came back again five minutes or so later and did the same causing a draught routine again and were again politely told there were still no tables but insisted on waiting again in the doorway. After a few minutes they went over to the lady in the corner and I heard the man say 'Can we sit here , or are you one of these people funny about sharing a table?' They said this as they were pulling the chairs out obviously going for it whatever her response. I think she was too gobsmacked to say anything tbh but didn't seem happy and left soon after.
My DD and I were both a bit and said we would never intrude on someones quiet time in this way unless it was a long table meant for more than one group and even then would sit at far end. Obviously the water/proprietor didn't want them too as he repeatedly told them 'sorry no tables'. So what do you all think ? We felt it was quiet intrusive and that many people go into a café to have a quiet chill on their own or a private conversation with a friend/family member , not to socialise with strangers (they had proceeded to make small talk with her btw , resulting in her closing her book.)

I don't mind sharing if people ask politely. And I have had a waiter come and ask me if I'd mind someone sharing my table, when a cafe was busy. I don't mind that. I'd have cheerfully told this rude pair to sod off.

This wasn't a food court type cafe. People who are already customers are entitled to have their own private table as that is what the cafe owners intend. Customers don't get to set the rules.

Some people don't understand the difference between cafes and cafes, as someone said earlier.

I've had a few people plonk themselves down rudely at my table. Without exception they've all turned out to be the local nutter or local sweet but lonely person desperate for a conversation (who I do feel sorry for, but still, I'm not social services) and I've had to leave.

Rainbunny, no this was in Chinatown in Melbourne. Your place sounds like a lot of fun though.

KatieKaye
I have a similar long winded , known off by heart tale of my dear late Auntie Nellies ailments , which she regaled me with over and over several times. I might use that one.

I am really surprised that anyone finds sharing a table so objectionable, as Kentish says, if they ask politely.

surely most people are pleasant and considerate to strangers most of the time? I would not expect people joining the table to be annoying other than on a rare occasion. and then, well that's just life.

Mind you as many others have said it just doesn't seem to happen , to most people (whenever I've been sat at a table at least) it is just the unwritten law. Mind you my DD seems to get a lot of intrusion on her personal space even when a place is empty. She was once sat in a café with a coffee on a long bench in the window looking out and a lady came and sat directly in front of her with her full English , blocking her view completely. The bench was about 12ft long and no-one else on it and there were about twenty empty tables. My DD got up and moved. She must have one of those faces.

what is being a lovey town got to do with anyhing

I dont mind people asking for tables, But the way the man asked was very very rude.

I would have said "Yes, I am one of those people who like to sit alone and not share the table. "

Hey
Interestingly today I had an uncomfortable encounter which rang bells with these previous posts.
I had just been brought my meal which I left on the table to go and get a knife and fork. When I got back a man in his 70's was standing in the chair space opposite looking down at my meal and then sat down in the chair.
I said that I was sitting there. He said that I didn't need 4 chairs and continued to sit there.
I explained that I was sitting there and wished to sit alone. He repeated that there was space for him and continued to sit there.
I moved to another table and found the whole scenario just weird and not right.
My thoughts are that social mores suggest that we give people social space - something this man seemed oblivious to.
I did not enjoy my meal. Any suggestions/successful ways to convince other people to have respect for others' need for space/ enjoyment of their own company?

To not resurrect a 3.5 year old thread and start your own?

Would help my enjoyment of mumsnet.

Hmm, interesting one! This is how I see it: if are other tables free then you shouldn’t disturb people. If all tables are taken but there are a few spare seats dotted around, sit at a table with 2 people rather than a single person, because a single person is more likely to want privacy.
If there are 2 people already there they won’t want to appear unhelpful in front of their friend so will probably budge up!
This has been my experience so far of sharing cafe tables. In all honesty I’d probably go elsewhere because I don’t really enjoy sharing.
The couple were definitely rude to stand in the doorway- it’s December and freezing out there! It wouldn’t be unreasonable to ask politely to share a table with the single lady, but they were aggressive and intimidating in how they did it.

How old us this thread!?!