Re:Sitting on spare seats at an occupied table in a cafe

[Bahhhhhumbug]

Just asking your thoughts really. DD and I were in a small licensed cafe in a local town during the day recently. It is a bit of a 'lovey' type place with lots of showbiz people etc. without outing where I live. The café is quite cramped with lots of little tables seating no more than four people each and that's at a push really.
It is very popular and DD and I got the last available table (the least popular right in front of the door , so draughty) We then observed several couples standing in the doorway yeah thanks for that looking around to establish there were no empty tables and one older couple on being told by the waiter very apologetically that there were no tables and he didn't know how long and would they like to sit at a table outside (fairly decent day) and have a coffee or something till one became available.
But no they decided to stand there in the doorway and gawp round the room assessing how far on everyone was with their meal/drink, including pointing when someone made any sort of move to go to the toilet or whatever. They seemed to be discussing a lady sat in a corner at a table alone reading a paper whilst having her drink /food and the fact she was sat on her own with 'three empty seats' but then decided against it and left.
They came back again five minutes or so later and did the same causing a draught routine again and were again politely told there were still no tables but insisted on waiting again in the doorway. After a few minutes they went over to the lady in the corner and I heard the man say 'Can we sit here , or are you one of these people funny about sharing a table?' They said this as they were pulling the chairs out obviously going for it whatever her response. I think she was too gobsmacked to say anything tbh but didn't seem happy and left soon after.
My DD and I were both a bit and said we would never intrude on someones quiet time in this way unless it was a long table meant for more than one group and even then would sit at far end. Obviously the water/proprietor didn't want them too as he repeatedly told them 'sorry no tables'. So what do you all think ? We felt it was quiet intrusive and that many people go into a café to have a quiet chill on their own or a private conversation with a friend/family member , not to socialise with strangers (they had proceeded to make small talk with her btw , resulting in her closing her book.)

Hardly intrusive,it was a busy cafe?you refer to privacy and intrusion and feeling imposed
Its public open space,by your description cramped.youre not guaranteed privacy
Cafe happy to take their money,sell goods.so did accept their custom

They sound really ignorant and pushy and YANBU. I would be furious if someone did that to me.

They were rude and selfish. There is no excuse.

If I'd been the lady who's table was intruded upon I'd have had a word with the waiter who should have dealt with it.

If it's a 'wait to be seated' place then your don't share tables. They were rude.

It depends on the circumstances, but from the description it was a small, crowded space and having two strangers sit themselves at a small table only sized for two people is rude to me. Not to mention that she was reading and they ignored that and start talking to her. They basically invaded her space and started it off with a passive aggressive comment "Are you one of those people who get funny about sharing tables?" I definitely think they were chasing her off.

My local cafe has some large tables able to comfortably seat 6 people and customers share them easily but this is not the same situation.

It's not so much to do with privacy as personal space if the cafe is very small and cramped. People have no respect for it.

The cafe set up is cramped,and its a bit graspy of owner to squeeze in patrons
I feel quite sorry for them.trying to do right thing in busy cafe,with folk who wont share

Yes they were rude. I know it makes sense to let other people share but unless the table is large and designed for more than 2 people, there's something I find really unpleasant about sitting with a stranger at a cramped coffee place.

A small, private, licensed café is not the same as a large, public space. There are cafés and there are cafés

If you are asked to wait to be seated, then that is exactly what you should do. That poor lady was bullied out of her space, which she was enjoying. The couple behaved badly, the waiter should have dealt with the situation more robustly, and the café has probably lost a valued (and possibly long-standing) customer.

Well usually, it's up to the person who has the table to decide to share it or not. she should have told them not to sit down.

Incredibly rude and intrusive, especially the way they asked for the table, which made it difficult for the lady to decline.

Depending on the exact type of place I would expect someone sitting at a table with three whole seats spare to share yes, absolutely. Any chain coffee shop, for example, is fair game for a polite request but one should be prepared for a rebuff of course.

yep, not implying that they were right - they were unbearably rude. Unfortunately there are lots of unbearably rude people in restaurants, I used to work in one.

I think the way he went about it was a bit off, but nothing wrong with the concept of sharing tables - if I was on my own and someone was looking for a seat, I wouldn't mind - if the place is that weeny, someone sharing a table with you will probably be no more intrusive than the person on the next table.

My own experience of the auld folk in my family is that they increasingly have very set ideas about how they want to do things and can become a bit rude in their pursuit of this. It's odd and disconcerting as it's a new personality trait.

I never go to cafes/restaurants on my own though. It's no fun.

Any chain coffee shop, for example, is fair game for a polite request

I think, therein lies the difference - this was not a chain coffee shop, it was a small, private establishment. With the specific request to the customer that you wait to be seated (ie, when a free table becomes available)

If id been sold produce in cafe,and it was busy yes id expect someone to share
No one in a public cafe is entitled to privacy and no guarantee one wont be intruded upon
Except its not an intrusion.its legitimate in a cafe as a patron to locate a seat.whether or mot this involves sharing depends on how busy cafe is

But Sparkling, some people enjoy it. They may live on their own, and it is a way of breaking up their day without fear of intrusion

No,it was a public cafe selling patrons products,and they locate own seat
However there seems to be an unrealistic expectation of privacy and non intrusion

What they did was rude, but I find it rude to sit in a cafe nursing a drink, reading a book for hours all the while knowing other people are waiting for a table.

Oh yes, I am not saying other people can't, it's just not for me Evans. My friend loves to sit alone in Costa with her book of puzzles and a cup of tea.
She wouldn't allow anyone to sit with her I know that.

scottishmummy they were stood in the doorway physically propping the door wide open and although it was a sunny day it was only April and therefore quite a cold breeze and one of those 'warmer out than in' days. If the door was already propped open on a hot day for example fine but I fail to see why their 'right' to avail themselves of this 'public place' (it's actually a privately run family business)should override the comfort of the people who were already there. I fairly regularly go to cafes and wine bars etc with a friend or my DD and do always get at least an exclusive conversation to 'our' table.

They were rude. It's one thing for people to share if the table is of reasonable size, or if there had only been one other person, but two people joining an already small table is horrible, because they're going to jabber away and annoy the reading of the first person to the table. A single person joining another person and then keeping their mouth shut is a different matter.

That said, if the woman had finished eating/drinking and been sitting for a while reading, then she should move along and allow the business to continue to serve other patrons, or order another drink.

There appears to be no suggestion that this lady had been sitting there for hours nursing a drink and not moving on. She was apparently reading her paper whilst enjoying a meal and drink, perfectly legitimately.