Re:Sitting on spare seats at an occupied table in a cafe

[Bahhhhhumbug]

Just asking your thoughts really. DD and I were in a small licensed cafe in a local town during the day recently. It is a bit of a 'lovey' type place with lots of showbiz people etc. without outing where I live. The café is quite cramped with lots of little tables seating no more than four people each and that's at a push really.
It is very popular and DD and I got the last available table (the least popular right in front of the door , so draughty) We then observed several couples standing in the doorway yeah thanks for that looking around to establish there were no empty tables and one older couple on being told by the waiter very apologetically that there were no tables and he didn't know how long and would they like to sit at a table outside (fairly decent day) and have a coffee or something till one became available.
But no they decided to stand there in the doorway and gawp round the room assessing how far on everyone was with their meal/drink, including pointing when someone made any sort of move to go to the toilet or whatever. They seemed to be discussing a lady sat in a corner at a table alone reading a paper whilst having her drink /food and the fact she was sat on her own with 'three empty seats' but then decided against it and left.
They came back again five minutes or so later and did the same causing a draught routine again and were again politely told there were still no tables but insisted on waiting again in the doorway. After a few minutes they went over to the lady in the corner and I heard the man say 'Can we sit here , or are you one of these people funny about sharing a table?' They said this as they were pulling the chairs out obviously going for it whatever her response. I think she was too gobsmacked to say anything tbh but didn't seem happy and left soon after.
My DD and I were both a bit and said we would never intrude on someones quiet time in this way unless it was a long table meant for more than one group and even then would sit at far end. Obviously the water/proprietor didn't want them too as he repeatedly told them 'sorry no tables'. So what do you all think ? We felt it was quiet intrusive and that many people go into a café to have a quiet chill on their own or a private conversation with a friend/family member , not to socialise with strangers (they had proceeded to make small talk with her btw , resulting in her closing her book.)

I have travelled a great deal by myself and my solo self has frequented countless restaurants, cafés, pubs etc....I have never been bombarded by people of all genders and ethnic backgrounds just plopping themselves down at my table. I take from this that it's not the norm.

Just to clarify the café is a place where you are seated first. then order at your table and then get a bill at your table. So a restaurant type café really. Also there are only one size of table which have four chairs round them but imo are too small for four by the time you get the condiments and wine lists and cutlery and crockery etc. they are a tight squeeze, also for leg room. They are more comfortable for two people really but they have four chairs around them. There are two slightly bigger tables in the two bay windows , again for four people. These are very popular for people watching etc obviously. The waiter always suggests a table to you but you can say you would rather sit somewhere else if more than one available and they always oblige.
Also the lady sat on her own did allow them to sit with her but from what I could see/hear wasn't very keen re: her body language and short to the point replies and then closing her book when they started talking to her to boot.
I think the couple wanted a prime table in the window bay as I have since remembered the man actually leant round the door and said something to the group sat there. My DD and I were debating whether he had actually asked them how long they would be , but couldn't be sure. It wouldn't surprise me as he was very pushy and arrogant as we found out later with lone woman.

If someone asked me how long I would be i would think about ordering another drink even if I was about to leave.

You didn't need to clarify. Your op was very clear. Some people just decided to ignore that bit.

YY purple that is very true.

Yes, I thought your OP was very cloear too, but some posters insisted on referring to the lady being seated at a table for four people.

Thanks OP, certain people here have been obstinately ignoring the details of the situation that you posted clearly. Apparently if the establishment has the word "Cafe" in the title then it must be a free-for all "your paying for the food, not the table!" type deal. As you clarified, 2 people barging onto an occupied table where the system is to be served and billed by the waiting staff, would cause much annoyance to the waiting staff as they try to accommodate these people.

LOL - after being on this thread yesterday, when DH asked where I would like to eat last night I felt compelled to request a "cafe" we like to eat at.
www.thepurplecafe.com/

Luckily no-one inserted themselves at our table, phew! ;)

So glad to live in a place where asking to share a table is not greeted with an

Not saying there's not a polite way of asking to share, but goodness me, anyone would think the couple had committed murder.

I don't think this has much to do with confidence. I'm a very confident person who will talk to anyone. I still don't want to share a table when I'm in an eating place.

I'm more than happy for others to share if they so wish, as long as others respect my desire not to.

If the couple thought they were so reasonable, why didn't they ask the waiter to ask the lady if she would share?

Puppy, the problem is more that the way the cafe worked was that waiting staff allocated tables and the couple ignored this by asking another customer direct. The couple also asked in a pretty aggressive way, IMO, rather than just a pleasant 'Would it be OK if we shared your table?'

I agree UncleT and would also add Satansfurryjamhats to the list. Unbelievable lack of awareness of what is appropriate or willingness to accept the majority view.

I must admit that I feeling a bit sorry for single people after reading this thread. It seems that they are fair game for others to run roughshod over their wishes.

Whenever I've gone out to eat alone (usually coffee and a cake) it's because I want to be alone and enjoy the peace and quiet of my newspaper.

After the hospital appointment where we found out that my husband had cancer we went to a local tea shop for lunch. I don't know what I would have done if some ignorant stranger had tried to share our table where we were sitting in utter shock. To all those who would demand a space at a strangers table, I would suggest that they have no idea what you may be intruding on.

you have no idea

Well as a frequent solo diner sharing a table doesn't bother me at all. I really don't see what the problem is. There's no need to tell them your life story nor for you to listen to theirs.

That couple sound very rude and with an inflated sense of entitlement.
I feel sorry for the poor lady they barged in on.
Possibly if they had been less pushy at the door she (or other patrons of the café) might have offered to share a table?
But the moment he did the "are you one of those people" lines would have got him a very honest response!

Solution for solo dinners who wish to remain solo dinners: if unwanted companions usurp your table against your wishes and those of the management, turn to them with a bright smile and say "How wonderful! I've been longing to tell someone all about my Great Aunt Bertha. She's 92 and really quite wonderful for her age. Except for her waterworks. she's always been a martyr to her waterworks. I think it probably started during the Blitz... all those nights in air raid shelters and she simply couldn't go in front of other people. She used to hold in for hours, and it can't have been good for her, can it? And she sort of got into the habit of holding on. Or should that be "holding in"? Anyway, you'd be amazed at her bladder capacity. really amazed. Do you know, she once filled a bedpan right up to the brim, and still had more? have you ever heard anything like it? You should have seen the look on the nurse's face!"

If they can put up with that, then admit defeat and leave. Or tell them they can't sit there, as Great Aunt Bertha is in the ladies and should be finished peeing in another 5 minutes and will then need the seat.

The worst 'offenders' are actually other 'mums'

In one of the only 2 hours per week that i'm not working and ds is busy doing a class, I sit in a café drinking tea for 50 mins.

No, I don't want Jacinta and Tobias and Yummy Mummy loudparenting them, reading them Shakespeare in french, thanks awfully.

Once I moved from a sofa to a table after someone plonked their son right next to me, not so much as an acknowledgement of my being there, dad of the year then produced 2 tablets. One he immediately and wordlessly stuck his head in, the other the boy used. Fired up some kind of game, he sat there playing it, loudly and himself was rocking and humming.

I moved to the table. YummyMum sits her super-dc at the table, complete with little meal boxes and says 'you don't mind if we sit here, do you?

I replied, looks like you just did already.

I got up and went to the classroom.

What a bunch of rude and entitled knobbers.

Were I that waiter I would have politely asked them to leave the premises.

If its the kind of place where you wait to be seated you neither hang around in the doorway trying to get people to leave, nor march up and sit with someone who is trying to enjoy their meal in peace. It is rarely the case that a group of adults (in a town that presumably has other cafes) simply cannot wait for 15 minutes for a table.

If the waiter thought their wait was going to be unreasonable he might have asked the lady himself how she might feel about sharing.

Disclaimer: if its British Homes Stores caff, or Wagamama-esque bench seating, or even a teashop where you seat yourself having got your scone from the counter, then spare seats are fair game when its really busy.

I never mind table sharing. Also if I'm on my own on a train journey I've been known to move (and share) so friends can sit together. See my halo.

some arseholes did this to me the other day. I was sitting at a table in pret minding my own business eating a sandwich and watching something with my head phones on. there was a bench in front of me and I was on the one on the other side of the table with my bag and coat next to me as I was getting tissues out etc. there was a chair at the end of the table. a couple walked up, she started tapping me on the shoulder to get my attention and asked me (in French) if they could sit down. I said yes assuming they would take the opposite bench and the chair and sit in an L shape at the end of the table, out my headphones on and continued watching. then she stuck her face between me and the tablet and started gesticulating and picked up my bag and coat and tried to throw it over to the other bench in front of me (so they could sit face to face). I said no and so she sat on top of them and put her coat and bag on the chair.

very rude.

The thing that is bugging me about this thread is that some posters are saying that table sharing is all perfectly normal and yet in real life this rarely happens. We probably eat out more than the average and yet this has happened to us once, in an overcrowded tourist attractive garden.

I don't see it happen much either. Maybe in a supermarket food court type place on a busy day, but certainly not much in restaurants. The only time it did happen to me was in a Chinese restaurant just after a theatre show came out. It was really packed and there was one other single in the queue waiting. The staff asked if we would mind sharing (before either of us was given the table). We did so, and it was actually quite pleasant. I certainly would not expect someone to just plonk themselves down whether it be a restaurant or a food court situation without asking politely and accepting the answer if declined for any particular reason.

I think it's fine to share a table bug needs to be done politely and without effecting the person originally sat there.

Actually if its a nice place and not a bar/cafe, I think the lady should have been able to eat in peace

MidniteScribbler: It wasn't in Chinatown, London was it? I used to go to a favorite restaurant there where that would happen, quite fun. They also couldn't serve alcohol after a certain time (or they didn't have a license at all -can't remember) so they would give us teapots full of wine! :)