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Original poster

Re:Sitting on spare seats at an occupied table in a cafe

336 replies

Bahhhhhumbug · 03/05/2014 20:12

Just asking your thoughts really. DD and I were in a small licensed cafe in a local town during the day recently. It is a bit of a 'lovey' type place with lots of showbiz people etc. without outing where I live. The café is quite cramped with lots of little tables seating no more than four people each and that's at a push really.
It is very popular and DD and I got the last available table (the least popular right in front of the door , so draughty) We then observed several couples standing in the doorway yeah thanks for that looking around to establish there were no empty tables and one older couple on being told by the waiter very apologetically that there were no tables and he didn't know how long and would they like to sit at a table outside (fairly decent day) and have a coffee or something till one became available.
But no they decided to stand there in the doorway and gawp round the room assessing how far on everyone was with their meal/drink, including pointing when someone made any sort of move to go to the toilet or whatever. They seemed to be discussing a lady sat in a corner at a table alone reading a paper whilst having her drink /food and the fact she was sat on her own with 'three empty seats' but then decided against it and left.
They came back again five minutes or so later and did the same causing a draught routine again and were again politely told there were still no tables but insisted on waiting again in the doorway. After a few minutes they went over to the lady in the corner and I heard the man say 'Can we sit here , or are you one of these people funny about sharing a table?' They said this as they were pulling the chairs out obviously going for it whatever her response. I think she was too gobsmacked to say anything tbh but didn't seem happy and left soon after.
My DD and I were both a bit Hmm and said we would never intrude on someones quiet time in this way unless it was a long table meant for more than one group and even then would sit at far end. Obviously the water/proprietor didn't want them too as he repeatedly told them 'sorry no tables'. So what do you all think ? We felt it was quiet intrusive and that many people go into a café to have a quiet chill on their own or a private conversation with a friend/family member , not to socialise with strangers (they had proceeded to make small talk with her btw , resulting in her closing her book.)

OP posts:
Summerbreezing · 04/05/2014 00:16

I think it's Satan that needs to get out more. She seems to have lost some of the social skills necessary for something as simple as not annoying other customers in a cafe.

SatansFurryJamHats · 04/05/2014 00:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trillions · 04/05/2014 00:21

scottishmummy Sat 03-May-14 22:13:13
If youre so sensitive to proximity of others dont eat out publicly in case you share
Yes folk masticate,they slurp.thats simply how it goes

Scottishmummy, could you please explain why you find it so unreasonable for people to claim personal space and desire not to see/hear strangers eating in a cafe, when you so vehemently abhorred women quietly applying make-up on public transport on the recent slapperati thread in S&B? What is the difference?

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 04/05/2014 00:21

But I think that is just exactly what you are doing here, SatanFury - this is a privately-owned café served by waiters, requesting a "Please Wait to be Seated" policy. If someone wishes to buy a cup of coffee and a snack in such a place then she/he is entitled to a table of her/his own.

If someone wishes to go to a café where you buy your coffee and a snack and then find a place to sit, then that is where you would go.

You are confusing the two.

Summerbreezing · 04/05/2014 00:23

You're arguments are getting increasingly daft Satan.[As I'm sure you must realise unless you're really as idiotic as you're pretending to be] However, keep digging. I'm going to bed.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 04/05/2014 00:24

I'm going to bed

Me too - yawn

Summerbreezing · 04/05/2014 00:24

Your arguments, I meant. Night night.

SatansFurryJamHats · 04/05/2014 00:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Botanicbaby · 04/05/2014 00:32

good god, someone said way back on page 1 or 2 of this thread that there are cafes and there are cafes. Spot on.

In your bog standard cafe that is pretty full, its fair game to politely ask someone alone at a table for 4 if they'd mind you sitting there. Been there, done that from both angles.

However, if I were in... a bit of a 'luvvie' licensed, cramped cafe where the waiter seats you, in that case I would not approach another customer directly and ask them to share.

Sounds like the way the couple did it was really rude too. Just because you are in a public space does not mean that you have to put up with being seated with others - key point being - if its not that type of cafe. It can be very off-putting when you go out for a coffee or lunch alone and you find yourself surrounded by several other people at your table, very distracting too.

In the free for all type of cafes, if there was no other option/everywhere was busy and I was getting desperate I'd politely ask if I could sit on someone's table but the way this couple worded it was ill-mannered and pushy and I'd have told them to join the queue and wait their turn.

Gotta be Whitstable, right? Wink

CorusKate · 04/05/2014 00:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TillyTellTale · 04/05/2014 01:44

I think the couple were rude to the waiter. Waiter says, 'no tables', that means 'no tables' to me.

Caitlin17 · 04/05/2014 02:00

I am often for various reasons alone in restaurants and cafés in the UK and Europe. I would never choose a table which seated 4 if I were on my own. I wouldn't be in the least bit bothered about sharing. If the place was busy I would expect to.

ilovesooty · 04/05/2014 02:17

The tables weren't standard four seaters
The tables were apparently all the same so she couldn't have sat at a smaller one
The waiter will have allocated her the table
The choice or expectation of sharing or otherwise will have been that of the waiter not the individual customer.

firesidechat · 04/05/2014 07:03

I don't understand!

Where did this idea that cafes are fair game for table sharing and generally rude behaviour start. We eat out a lot and even in service station cafes I've never been asked if I would share a table. Most people just wouldn't do it, despite a couple of posters insistence that this is normal.

In my view full occupation of an eating place is down to how many tables are occupied, not how many spare chairs there are.

As another poster pointed out, even in McDs you wait for a spare table.

Another thread from the MN parallel universe it appears.

Iseenyou · 04/05/2014 07:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GrumpyInYorkshire · 04/05/2014 07:57

Caitlin - I, too, am often in cafes alone. The nature of my job means I often have to work from one.
If I don't mind being joined by someone else,I'll go to a Costa-type place. But if what I'm doing is confidential, or I want to concentrate quietly, or even if I just want a bit of time alone during a busy day, I'll take a small table at a waiter-service type establishment where i'm not going to be joined by others.

The woman in the OP had every right to keep that small table to herself. She could've selected that cafe purely because it was the type of place where people generally don't barge up to your ysbke and,join you.
The couple were extremely rude.

Pipbin · 04/05/2014 08:49

Pigbin, you obviously haven't eaten out very much, so I'll let you off. There's not much difference between chain coffee shops and cafes nowadays.

Not that it matters but on the weekend I eat out for every meal. In fact I eat so often in our local cafés that I am generally greeted by name in most of them.

It's not whether it's a chain coffee shop or a cafe that makes the difference, it's the fact that there was someone on the door seating people. They were told that there was no space.

aurynne · 04/05/2014 08:51

I have been asked politely to share a table before and I have actually enjoyed other patrons' company. I have also ask others politely if I could share their table.

However in this case, to the rude comment of 'Can we sit here , or are you one of these people funny about sharing a table?' I would have replied with a frozen smile: "Actually, I happen to be one of those funny people". They can stick their entitled-asrseholes sarcasm up their own ass. Wouldn't want them anywhere near me, let alone when I am trying to relax and read my paper. If they had insisted, I would have had no qualm in making a huge fuss.

Summerbreezing · 04/05/2014 09:33

Definitely some posters on this thread inhabit a parallel universe: one where it's perfectly acceptable to override a request from cafe staff to wait for a free table and to rudely impose yourself on another customer. The way in which one or two of them have ignored arguments and comments on here, refused to address any points that don't fit with their case, and insulted anyone who disagrees with them speaks volumes really. This couple are obviously not on their own in thinking it's okay to just ride roughshod over people and barge their way through life, convinced they're always in the right. There are people like that everywhere, unfortunately.

turgiday · 04/05/2014 10:23

It is fine to ask if you can share a table. But if you are told no, you have to respect that.

Sparklingbrook · 04/05/2014 10:25

Cinema full? No problem, just barge past the staff and go in. Grin

itsbetterthanabox · 04/05/2014 11:01

I don't see a problem with table sharing. If someone asks me I don't mind. Although they should ask! Not just sit down where my bf is sitting but in the loo Hmm. And they definitely shouldn't start conversation with me. What's that about!

Summerbreezing · 04/05/2014 11:06

I don't see a problem with table sharing if it's clearly the sort of cafe where that goes on and if people ask politely because they've got a tray full of food and nowhere else to sit.

But this cafe clearly had a no sharing policy, as the waiter stopped the couple from coming in on the grounds there were no tables free.

Some people are very self entitled though. I remember sitting at a table in the garden of a restaurant once with a friend. A woman came along with a loudly barking dog who was jumping and leaping all over the place and straining on his lead. She asked if she could share our table and when we politely said 'Sorry no, not with the dog', she gave us a huffy look and walked off indignantly.

turgiday · 04/05/2014 11:12

That is the thing summer, people have to have a choice to say no. I was sitting once at a very small table and a large family came along and asked if they could share my table, I said no. Honestly there wasn't enough space for them, never mind with me there too. They had 3 pretty rowdy kids. It would have been a nightmare. They got another table fine by the way.

Caitlin17 · 04/05/2014 11:40

I don't see any problem with sharing a table. If I had been the single person and I'd noticed I'd probably have said to the waiter they can share my table. I have done that.

Grumpy sorry but "confidential work papers" in a public restaurant is a terrible excuse. If they were that confidential you should not be taking them out in a public place.