Re:Sitting on spare seats at an occupied table in a cafe

[Bahhhhhumbug]

Just asking your thoughts really. DD and I were in a small licensed cafe in a local town during the day recently. It is a bit of a 'lovey' type place with lots of showbiz people etc. without outing where I live. The café is quite cramped with lots of little tables seating no more than four people each and that's at a push really.
It is very popular and DD and I got the last available table (the least popular right in front of the door , so draughty) We then observed several couples standing in the doorway yeah thanks for that looking around to establish there were no empty tables and one older couple on being told by the waiter very apologetically that there were no tables and he didn't know how long and would they like to sit at a table outside (fairly decent day) and have a coffee or something till one became available.
But no they decided to stand there in the doorway and gawp round the room assessing how far on everyone was with their meal/drink, including pointing when someone made any sort of move to go to the toilet or whatever. They seemed to be discussing a lady sat in a corner at a table alone reading a paper whilst having her drink /food and the fact she was sat on her own with 'three empty seats' but then decided against it and left.
They came back again five minutes or so later and did the same causing a draught routine again and were again politely told there were still no tables but insisted on waiting again in the doorway. After a few minutes they went over to the lady in the corner and I heard the man say 'Can we sit here , or are you one of these people funny about sharing a table?' They said this as they were pulling the chairs out obviously going for it whatever her response. I think she was too gobsmacked to say anything tbh but didn't seem happy and left soon after.
My DD and I were both a bit and said we would never intrude on someones quiet time in this way unless it was a long table meant for more than one group and even then would sit at far end. Obviously the water/proprietor didn't want them too as he repeatedly told them 'sorry no tables'. So what do you all think ? We felt it was quiet intrusive and that many people go into a café to have a quiet chill on their own or a private conversation with a friend/family member , not to socialise with strangers (they had proceeded to make small talk with her btw , resulting in her closing her book.)

If I'm out out lunch time with dd and somebody is on their own with papers/laptop, doing their work etc, I wouldn't hesitate to sit at that table. They are paying for their drink/food not the full table, piss off back to your office, where you know you erm work.
Apart from this I use good manners.

Yes morethan but you surely wouldn't ignore a waiter who'd asked you to wait for a table?

The way I see it there are three different cafe types and different rules apply. You need to assess the atmosphere first.
There are the canteen style, like John Lewis, Costa or M&S cafe where you buy your food then find a seat. The staff have no idea about who is sat at what table and will serve you even if there is no space.
Then there are table service cafés where you order at the counter but your food is brought to your table. Sharing is ok but it can make it difficult for staff.
Third are restaurant style cafés where your orders are taken at the table. You can't really share in places like this because there will be bills for the whole table.

I assume that the cafe in the op was the restaurant style.
But whatever the cafe the way the people asked if they could sit down was downright rude.

Summerbreezing it seems strange to me that some people can't differentiate between the different types of establishments.

Well, one thing's abundantly clear from this thread - scottishmummy is one of the most unreasonable posters I've seen here yet, with an absurdly poor grasp of etiquette. Probably over 90 percent of posters here consider the couple to be in the wrong and very rude, but of course they're all just plain wrong, obviously....

I'm thankful that I'm unlikely to be faced with a stand off with her over not having her at my table. I expect there are others with similar mindsets and little idea of etiquette or social graces though. .

UncleT I agree completely, some people like to think they are online warriors when in fact IMO they are just being ridiculously obstructive. I swear they search MN to find threads they can argue on regardless of whether they are actually interested in the topic.

Just my opinion of course.

I eat out more than I eat at home.

I like sitting by myself, so I only go places where you wait to be seated purely because then you do get to sit by yourself. If I wanted to sit with other people I would go to the sort of place where you do that

Well said UncleT

If I had been the single person I would have offered to share if for no other reason than I would have felt guilty dawdling over my solitary meal if it meant the restaurant was losing out on customers. Once they were seated I could then happily stay longer and stretch mine out as long as I wanted. They would not have been an intrusion as I would have a book or a Kindle and other than a brief acknowledgement would have ignored them.

Someone said but the bill would then be for the whole table- what nonsense. The bill would be for the customer and even if it were wrong you can always speak up.

The restaurant is duty-bound to allow time for a customer to eat a meal/drink a drink. Where has it been suggested that the lady in question was "dawdling" over her solitary meal. She chose to go to a pleasant café, where she knew she would be allowed to sit at a very small table without fear of interruption . . . .

As has been said SO many times - if you want to share a table, go to a different type of café. It's not rocket science!

We have an Indian restaurant just up the road from us. The food is absolutely delicious. However, the tables are so close together, that you are almost elbow-to-elbow with the person on the next table.

We choose not to go there for that very reason. If I choose to go to a café/restaurant for a pleasant, peaceful meal either on my own or with my partner/friend and not have to share my table, then that is precisely what I do. If I end up in a fast food place, then I may have no choice and would have no objection to sharing the table in such circumstances.

Some posters do not appear to recognise the difference between the two. Astounding, truly astounding!

Obviously some establishments don't expect lone diners to share tables. I went into an Indian restaurant in my neighbouring city one Saturday night wanting to eat. It was just after 7pm and almost empty. They refused to serve me at all as I was eating alone and I'd be taking up a table for two "that someone else might want if we have a rush".

I'm perfectly aware there and restaurants and restaurants. As a frequent sole diner I'm amazed at the preciousness of people who seem to think sharing a table is such a big deal. It's a table in a public space-not a bed.

So far as being allowed time I genuinely would feel more comfortable in a crowded, busy restaurant if I were sharing a table than occupying a table with 3 empty seats.

I wouldn't have gone over as the couple did but if I had been the single diner and I had noticed I would have offered to share.

But personalities are different, Caitlin. Whilst you, as a lone diner may not mind if someone shares your table, other people prefer not to. It's not particularly "preciousness" as you so beautifully describe it, simply a choice of some who wishes to eat out (or have a coffee) on their own table.

Some people are exceptionally confident and wouldn't mind, others are not, which is why they might choose a smaller, private place to sit and enjoy a coffee. Without fear of being intruded upon. 'Please Wait to be Seated' means just that. Why is it so very difficult to understand?

someone who wishes to eat out. (This auto-correct is incredibly annoying) I definitely typed someone

She was on a table for 4. I'm guessing that was the only table free when she was seated and As another poster said some restaurants won't even seat single people for the reason they then end up with empty seats they can't give to other customers. So for that reason I think it is precious in not wanting to share.

So that particular restaurant was very silly indeed and probably lost out on a paying customer. (I think that was the point Sooty was trying to make - plse correct me if I'm wrong, Sooty).

Nothing at all to do with "preciousness".

And now I have to go, as we're having a barbecue, which means having to share a table with friends (which, of course I'm delighted to do, because we've all chosen it)

If I was at a table for four on my own in a busy cafe, I wouldn't be at all surprised if someone ended up approaching me and asking to share. I'd be happy for them to share the table in principle, but I think saying 'Can we sit here , or are you one of these people funny about sharing a table?' is quite combative and doesn't exactly get you off on the right footing. 'Is it OK if we sit here?' does the same job and isn't aggressive.

I'd be annoyed if I'd come to eat, drink and read quietly and the sharers tried to make conversation with me, though. I'd respond politely but briefly and then return to my book and hope they took the hint.

How English

They bullied that woman on her own to leave, that's shitty.

His comment about her being one of those funny people who won't share would have really annoyed me.

Anyone saying that to me, (including scottishmummy who indeed I suspect wouldn't have the brass balls to do that in RL) would have been told to wait until a table was free and that no, actually, as they'd already been told no by the waiter that they'd have to leave, or wait outside.

Then i'd order another coffee.

Yes Evans it is what I meant. I would never go there again - I felt very unwelcome. If I'd gone in later in the evening and the restaurant had been busy I could have understood it but it had just opened for the night, it was pretty large and there was one couple in there when I arrived.

If I've chosen a waiter run establishment and I'm allocated a table I don't expect some random couple to bypass the waiter and attempt to share my table.

Self service establishments are different and I'm happy to share if someone's on their feet with a tray and no where to sit. I make a conscious effort to sit on the smallest available vacant table when I take my seat as well.

but I think saying 'Can we sit here , or are you one of these people funny about sharing a table?' is quite combative. Agreed. The bit in bold was not acceptable.I see nothing wrong with the first part of the question and would think it extremely precious and rude to refuse the request.

Caitlin I would have refused anyone who'd bypassed the waiter when they'd been asked to wait.

I'd happily respond positively to someone unable to find a seat in a self service restaurant who was struggling with food they'd already purchased - it would be rude to do otherwise.

If that makes me "precious and rude" so be it, I'm afraid.

I have been asked many a time if it is possible to share a table. I too have done the same if I am holding a tray and there is no seat. Have had some really good conversations with people especially in art galleries etc where common interests arise. However, would never do it in a restaurant type situation.

Why should single's have to wait for select special small tables or have strangers company forced upon them? Surely they are paying customers of worth as well?

The single lady got the table first - it should be hers until she leaves. it doesn't sound like a cafeteria or an open seat yourself cafe with long rectangular tables or giant 8 seater circular tables. I'm envisioning normal up to 4 people tables at a wait to be seated establishment no less!

The couple were unbelievably rude. I'd have told them to bog off in addition to complaining and asking the waiter to sort them out.