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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be put out that 1.5 year old excluded from wedding when other children invited?

100 replies

MillieH30 · 02/05/2014 22:50

We've been invited to a wedding where the invitations says no children except godchildren and small babies. The couple have at least 6 godchildren of ages 2 to 8 between them and there will be approx 4 small babies there.

It seems really odd to allow some children but not others. We've never left DD overnight before so, if we go, will have to bring a relative away with us and pay for a hotel room so they can look after DD.

The groom is a good friend so we want to attend wedding but his fiance is insisting on this rule. I could understand if there was a blanket ban on children, but it seems really unfair to allow some but not others.

OP posts:
sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 02/05/2014 22:55

Don't go then?

MrsMaturin · 02/05/2014 22:57

it's not unfair at all. You're being silly about this.

They are inviting children who are so young that parents won't reasonably want to leave them alone AND the children they have a special relationship with.

YOUR child is old enough to be left overnight. If you want to go then do so.

MsVestibule · 02/05/2014 22:58

Just because you've never left DD before doesn't mean you can't this time Confused. I suppose they can't invite the DCs of all of their guests so have chosen to limit it to those they are particularly close to. Sounds fair to me.

ilovesooty · 02/05/2014 22:58

So they want to invite their own godchildren but not the children of friends? Their choice to do that and your choice as to whether you feel you can attend.

thewavesofthesea · 02/05/2014 22:59

YABU.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 02/05/2014 23:00

Yabu. There's no reason you can't leave a 1.5 year old overnight, you just don't want to, which is your choice.

Young babies don't need feeding or a place at a table.

Messygirl · 02/05/2014 23:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hippo123 · 02/05/2014 23:03

I only invited children who were nieces, nephews, cousins, or friends childrens who were travelling a long way ie over 3/4 hours. Why? Because I didn't want to use up my small budget on kids who meant next to nothing to me, nor on there parents who would disappear at 7pm to keep up their kids bedtime routine.

Yabu. If you can't bear to leave your child for one night then don't go.

Forgettable · 02/05/2014 23:04

They want their godchildren and are considerate of those with babes in arms

your child is neither so didn't make the cut.

Nanny0gg · 02/05/2014 23:06

It's not a child-free wedding! And it certainly isn't daft.

The B&G have specifically invited guests they want at their wedding, some of whom happen to be children.

For whatever reason, yours (amongst others) is not one. Maybe it's a cost/space issue.

Whatever it is, it's their wedding, you either go, or you don't.

Sorry, YABU.

evertonmint · 02/05/2014 23:07

The first time I left both of my DCs was to attend child-free weddings. It's as good a reason as any and you don't need to have done it before for this to be the time to do it.

But if it doesn't suit you, just don't go. But please don't make a thing of it. Just decline politely. Their wedding, their rules. Your child, your decision.

Joylin · 02/05/2014 23:07

They can't invite everybody's kids. Godchildren are special so naturally they'd want them there if they have a close relationship with them and they'll know that their capable of behaving, newborns usually just eat and sleep, they're not going to cause hassle if the bride and groom are happy with welcoming them.

Your toddler on the other hand can cause a lot of disturbance, if they allow everybody to bring unwanted toddlers and children, it'll change the whole tone of the wedding and ruin it if there were too many kids/a few badly behaved ones.

The world does not revolve around you and your kid and in my experience it's always the type who thinks it should that produce the kids nobody wants at their wedding. They don't have a special relationship with your child, she's not wanted there, that's no reason to exclude the children who are important to them, get over it.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 02/05/2014 23:08

YABU, it's an invitation not a summons, don't go if you don't want to leave your toddler.

londonrach · 02/05/2014 23:08

Yabu. Their wedding their choice! Don't go simples..

chunkythighs · 02/05/2014 23:09

I'm reminded of of those daily mail 'My DD was excluded from school because she won't wear the uniform' stories. sadface>>>> Sad Sad (while wearing said uniform).

Why should you be 'the special case'? I'm sure there are plenty of people who were invited to the wedding that have managed to procreate. The couple for their own reasons decided to invite those who they really want there. If you can't manage it- just don't go. The couple don't know your child as well as their godchildren, it's not personal- it's logical.

However there will be the inevitable crew here who will be miffed on your behalf that a couple are deciding who goes to a party that they are paying for. Others may encourage you to check with the couple that your PFB is really excluded.

Original poster
MillieH30 · 02/05/2014 23:10

Thanks for responses. We politely declined because of the child care issue but the groom is a close friend and is putting a lot of pressure on us to attend. Sorry, I should have mention this upfront.

Part of the problem is that the wedding is in Northumberland (we live in SE) so we would be away for two days. We have no family close by to leave DD with and I wouldnt be comfortable leaving her for 2 days in unfamiliar surroundings with people she doesnt know well.

OP posts:
TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 02/05/2014 23:10

Yabu.

BlackeyedSusan · 02/05/2014 23:14

small babies are easier to keep quiet... boob or bottle or a quick exit...keeping a toddler quiet is a lot more difficult and a lot slower and noisier to remove them if they kick off.

there are probably a lot of children that are excluded that you don't necessarily know about.

toobreathless · 02/05/2014 23:16

YABU.

You could just send DH if it is a long way away?

MrsMaturin · 02/05/2014 23:18

OP - when do you plan to start leaving dd with your family?

Lilaclily · 02/05/2014 23:21

book a room in the hotel & take turns to babysit
Dh can smuggle you up sone free plonk

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 02/05/2014 23:22

Get DH to go by himself then.

We don't have nearby family either, but when I went on a hen weekend my mum came and stayed at our house and looked after DS for the weekend.

MrsD0nnaLyman · 02/05/2014 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gurnie · 02/05/2014 23:25

Things like this can be a bit awkward and hard to sort but it is very common for people to have family children only. I understand why, it could add a huge number onto the guest list if they asked everyone.

iK8 · 02/05/2014 23:26

I was fantastically upstaged by a toddler at my own wedding. Luckily I'm not an ego maniac so I didn't really care and it wasn't particularly formal so small children were very welcome.

I can see why people wouldn't want lots of children at a wedding. Unless it is being held in soft play, in which case it would be totally unreasonable not to allow children.