To be put out that 1.5 year old excluded from wedding when other children invited?

[MillieH30]

We've been invited to a wedding where the invitations says no children except godchildren and small babies. The couple have at least 6 godchildren of ages 2 to 8 between them and there will be approx 4 small babies there.

It seems really odd to allow some children but not others. We've never left DD overnight before so, if we go, will have to bring a relative away with us and pay for a hotel room so they can look after DD.

The groom is a good friend so we want to attend wedding but his fiance is insisting on this rule. I could understand if there was a blanket ban on children, but it seems really unfair to allow some but not others.

[BillyBanter]

one of you going may indeed be an option.

My point being that if we really were close friends I'd be upset that they didn't see coming to my once in a lifetime wedding as top priority.

Top priority over whatever the particular circumstances of their own lives? Really?

Dieu You don't have to understand, you just have to acknowledge that not everyone is the same as you. It's not their fault you can't imagine something.

[Dieu]

For the life of me, I cannot understand why some people are against a child free night away. I haven't read the whole thread, so apologies OP if you don't have family who can help. Why not go for it if you do though? I can't imagine never having 'me' time.

[Bowlersarm]

Not sure you are still reading OP, but a YABU from me.

Godchildren and relatives are different to everyone else's DC IMO.

[ViviPru]

YABU. This is the policy we had at our wedding. It IS completely fair.

However the groom IBU to put pressure on you after you have respected their policy and politely declined.

[Mrsjayy]

yeah it is a compromise I don;t understand why people get offended and come up with reasons why their children should go ,

[turgiday]

Yes MrsJayy - Few want to host a children's party at their wedding. What they have done seems a fair compromise.

[Mrsjayy]

och they can only provide for the special children in their life which is a shame you feel it is a slight I think you should just cancel and not go they wont change their mind why should they can you imagine say 100 couples taking maybe 2 children each to a wedding would be ridiculous imo

[HoldOnHoldOnSoldier]

Does anyone else read these wedding threads and dread getting married?

It seems that no matter what you do someone will always be moaning about your choices behind your back


And op YABU

[Summerbreezing]

YABU. If couples had to invite all of their friends kids you could end up with dozens of them running around the place, shouting during the ceremony etc. They're being very fair about the whole think imho.

[RedFocus]

I think the op is actually more miffed that their pfb isn't invited than the childcare issue. I presume it's her dh's mate who's getting married so her dh can still actually go on his own, if he wants to (is allowed )

[Sleepwhenidie]

greyhound being drowned out by the sound of a screaming baby is the fault of the rude and inconsiderate parent(s) of said child, not yours for allowing the baby to come! Some people are so clueless, surely if your baby so much as squeaks during a wedding ceremony you take them outside .

[fifi669]

My point being that if we really were close friends I'd be upset that they didn't see coming to my once in a lifetime wedding as top priority.

One of OP or her DP is the primary friend. Both don't need to stay behind with DC so it really isn't about childcare.

[Sleepwhenidie]

louise1956 it isn't odd at all to allow babes in arms but not older children. Older children need seats, food, (possibly) entertainment. They cost the b&g money and space and a large number of them would definitely change the tone of the wedding. It is pretty unreasonable to expect people to leave small (possibly breastfed) babies whereas older children are a different proposition, though of course every parent has a different view on what age is acceptable for them to be left and it is entirely up to them to either accept or decline the invitation.

OP YABU.

[Ragwort]

I'd be a bit miffed if a close friend of mine wouldn't attend in all honesty.

Surely guests shouldn't be obliged to accept an invitation? .

I am so pleased I had a small wedding (five guests) and avoided all these issues.

[Ragwort]

I can understand (even if I don't agree with you ) that you don't want to leave your 18 month old baby but what exactly would your baby do all day and evening (?) at the wedding? Surely it would be a long and stressful boring day for the baby, and for you if you have you have to hold her all the time.

[Fairenuff]

OP I may have missed an update but surely if dh wants to go, he could go on his own?

As an aside, I'm not up on the lingo regarding young children's ages. Does 1.5 mean one and a half (making him 18 months old) or does it mean 1 year and 5 months (making him 17 months old). Not much difference regarding your dilemma, I know, but just wondering.

[OwlCapone]

I'd be a bit miffed if a close friend of mine wouldn't attend in all honesty.

Then you shouldn't have banned children. I have no problem with child free weddings whatsoever but, if that is your choice, you have to accept some parents won't be able to attend.

[fifi669]

I don't think OP stated whether it's her friend or DPs? I'd have at least one of you go if he is a close friend as you say. I'd be a bit miffed if a close friend of mine wouldn't attend in all honesty.

[Kissmequick123]

I can understand allowing god children and babes in arms. This tends to relate to breast fed babes. Small toddlers are very different to breast fed babies.

[DizzyKipper]

I wouldn't want to leave my daughter for 2 days overnight with people she wasn't that familiar with either, and it's unreasonable for anyone (be it "their day" or not) to try to pressure you into it. It maybe their wedding day but she's your daughter and you get to decide as and when you think she's ready/you're comfortable with her being left overnight - other people don't get to timetable this for you!
You could compromise and do as others have suggested and just have your DH go, but if the groom keeps insisting it has to be both of you personally I'd just make it crystal clear that the only way both would go is if your daughter was allowed as well and if they weren't willing to allow that then the best they were going to get was one. Really, just because it's their wedding that doesn't mean the world revolves around them and everyone has to do whatever they want.

[smartypants1000]

YANBU not to leave an 18 month old overnight. I wouldn't have wanted to, and I don't think our fasmilies would have been comfortable looking after such a young one overnight.
YANBU to decline the invitation politely.
YABU if you want them to make an exception.
The Groom IBU to put pressure on you to leave your dc.

[BillyBanter]

If they invited you and DH only (fair enough) and you have declined on account of not wanting to leave your DC (fair enough) then it is up to the bride and groom to either accept your RSVP or say you can bring your child. So pressuring you to go but leave your DC is unreasonable.

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

DH and I divide up friends' weddings between us even if the kids are invited!

[Greyhound]

As someone whose vows were drowned by the screaming of a baby, even though I had not invited it or any other kids, YANU