To have said no?

[Tiggywinklespinny]

We have just had dinner, chicken veggies and baby new potatoes.

Dsd (10) can barely use a knife and was asked to cut her chicken not eat it off the fork in a great lump. Instead she said she didn't want it and left it. Too full she said.

She's now on meltdown because I've said no to ice-cream. AIBU??

Does she cut up her own food ok at school?

fwiw, I used to volunteer for school stuff like school trips partly so I could see how my kids were and how they acted around friends and others away from me.
Bit of an eye opener it was at times.
Often they were much better away than what I thought.
they saved the worst stuff for at home

She doesn't need to learn how to use a knife
She apparently chooses not to.
If the ppl around her use a knife and fork correctly (bearing in mind her week is split between three households) then she will start using it.
Battling over the issue is very unlikely to help her compliance.
Ignoring her cutlery skills for a while and concentrating on enjoying food together is, IMO, a better bet for etiquette and harmony.

Are there other dcs about?

It's bloody sad that there are so many parents who seriously believe children are so manipulative.

My two are 23 and 20. I've noticed that the children whose parents chose to find reasons for bad behaviour, rather than immediately think their dc are being naughty to annoy them, are usually the most well adjusted, successful and kindest children/adults.

Hully is spot on, children do not need to be trained like animals

excusetypos excellent point.

As Hully said upthread, I think that she may be attention seeking for love and kindness.

She sounds quite upset.

Have you or dad given her a cuddle lately, nmaybe asked her how she is feeling?

I think it's simply not possible that there isn't something going on for her ATM.
Personally, if a child behaved that way in my home I would be trying (too hard maybe) to see how I coud make her feel better.

I suppose you'd not be up for taking her out for ice cream.
But the aforementioned hug sounds like a start.

So now she's naughty because she's neglected..poor dsd, I actually find some of these posts really bloody insulting.

Not at all but I never thought I'd encounter such a judgemental bag such as yourself, making assumptions and telling me how it is.

I'm not surprised you do Tiggy. Ever long I think you've got some prejudice against step parents, for whatever reason that might be. They way that you've put things has been rather ill thought out and a bit unkind.

Tiggy, if I asked my own dd(3.5) to use cutlery in a manner appropriate to her age and she then decided to tell me she was full, I wouldn't offer any pudding either. God forbid you'd be accused of over feeding !
If your dsd has decided to take umbrage to that decision and thrown a tantrum, I don't see how that is your fault. Yes I very much expect it does all run a bit deeper than just wanting a bloody ice cream bit at that moment in time, whilst dsd was het up and having a strop, it probably wasn't the best time to discuss it.

Tiggy quite rightly took herself off to get some gin (good girl) and let DH do the rest.
And yes dsd is ACTING like a madam at the moment, especially as this morning she helped herself to the treats in the freezer!!! BTW I would have been seriously cross about that, very defiant and disrespectful behaviour. I think you've handled yourself very well.

Why do you think she is doing it, Tiggy?

gully Why is it not possible she could just be being lazy?
I remember myself as a young child having unreasonable arguments with parents trying to get my own way.
Thank god it never worked because now I understand there are acceptable and unacceptable ways to behave.
Big up tiggy for teaching her dsd this too and not just making her happy with bloody ice cream, teaching is harder work than dishing out treats but in the long term what is best for the child.

Other than me suggesting that I thought dsd acted like a madam in that situation, which she did regardless of the reason. I don't see where else I was being unkind.

Too lazy to cut up her own dinner?

Really?

If she is too lazy to cut up her own dinner then she has real and serious problems.

I suppose it's just possible that there's nothing more complicated than her doing this because she gets a reaction. Sometimes there's nothing deep behind what our children do, they just push the boundaries. Don't they?

OP. I confess that I haven't managed to read the whole thread and so sorry if this has already been said/suggested.

As a future project, what's her favourite food? Can she be involved in the cooking? Trusted with a knife to chop up various veg etc, make dinner with yourself or DH. Encouraged to develop her knife skills?

Perhaps cutting 80's style spiky tomato halves,
cutting a sandwich into a puzzle rather than just in half,
Chopping peppers, onions, carrots etc?

As part of the project you can suggest ways to make it easier- "let the knife do all the work" it's not about squashing/pushing which she probably does and that will hurt her hand/finger depending on her grip. Show her how easily a table knife can cut a carrot.

Just an idea

Or she could be a normal 10 year old who sometimes can't be bothered with things she finds a chore.

Why do they Peeking?

What's in it for them?

It's just getting negative attention which is better than no attention.

Absolutely duck.

I think it's extraordinary. I am old with older teenagers and have known many many many children. I have never ever met a single one who sat in front of their dinner and couldn't be bothered to cut it up and eat it.

They might not like or want the food, but that is different.