To have said no?

[Tiggywinklespinny]

We have just had dinner, chicken veggies and baby new potatoes.

Dsd (10) can barely use a knife and was asked to cut her chicken not eat it off the fork in a great lump. Instead she said she didn't want it and left it. Too full she said.

She's now on meltdown because I've said no to ice-cream. AIBU??

I think I see things in different terms Owl. I have a 17 yr old ds and a 16 yr old dd. When they were little I looked at reasons and causes and figured out strategies for co operation, now they are older we agree "rules" co operatively. They are happy, hard working and successful. It works for us.

unneccessarily escalated good point fiscal
And yes, it happens to everyone.
But op is steadfast on the current approach.
If she can barely use a knife at the age of ten and she is with her DF and dsm four days a week (therefore not a visitor) can we assume that the preferred method of encouraging table manners (telling her to use her knife) is not efficacious? And might need reconsidering?

Why don't you help her to cut her food up if she can't manage to do it by herself? or show her how to do it, at least. Personally, though, I am glad to see my children eating, even if not daintily, I'd rather they ate chicken in lumps than not at all.

Hully - maybe the point is that it will help tiggy if DSD just uses her cutlery properly? Sometimes you do just have to tackle the immediate symptom.

It'll undoubtedly help DSD in learning how eat in a better way and also in future life when she eats in the company of others outside the home.

And you have no idea of the relationship tiggy has with DSD or that it is no genuinely warm and loving, despite frustrations?

Louise - read the thread.
DSD has been shown many times but refuses to use a knife.
She is 10 and therefore far too old to have her food cut up for her like a toddler.

KatieKaye, you haven't said why you think she is doing it.

The gulf between us is you care about the symptom, while I care about the cause.

It's more effective to treat a cause than a symptom.

Actually, far more interestingly and importantly, why do you think she is doing it, Tiggy?

She can barely use a knife because she refuses to use a knife, ever - OP has made that very clear.

Ultimately it's up to DSD to decide to eat normally and reap the rewards of ice cream.

FFS Hully - I don't know the child and neither do you. How can I possible say why I think she eats in this rather horrible way?

Enough with all the "I'm more caring than you are" stuff, because you don't know me either.

The point is that DSD refuses to use a knife. It would certainly bug me if my 10 year old DC/DSC did this and I wholly sympathise with tiggy.

everlong - SHE CAN!!!!! (and please stop shouting)

*tiggy" has said that DSD
*Can use a knife but
*chooses not to

NoOt difficult to understand: DSD can use a knife.

She can barely use a knife at 10.
That's not right is it?
How is that going to suddenly sort itself out.

Not by letting her chew her food off a fork, that's for sure.

Being barely able to use it is not the same as being unable to.
She simply needs practice.
Which she won't get if she is allowed to chew the food off her fork or have an adult cut it up for her.

Why do you think I have a stepchild?

Food battles are dangerous grounds for parents.
Its not worth pushing and pulling over someone choosing to not use a knife
If she can use a knife then she'll use it in public or whatever. If she's doing it to wind you up then battling over it just perpetuates the problem.
The approach taken thus far has resulted in her being barely able to use a knife. Give it a rethink.

Don't be ridiculous.

Does being a step mother make you intolerant of children? Don't you think that is a rather rude generalisation to make of step mothers?

I'd still like to know how you think she is going to learn to use a knife properly if she is not made to do so.

The OP simply asked her to use it properly and the child refused and said she was full. The OP didn't whip her until she complied.

Or are you one of those people who think that, as a step mother, the OP is automatically wrong?

Just a thought.