To have said no?

[Tiggywinklespinny]

We have just had dinner, chicken veggies and baby new potatoes.

Dsd (10) can barely use a knife and was asked to cut her chicken not eat it off the fork in a great lump. Instead she said she didn't want it and left it. Too full she said.

She's now on meltdown because I've said no to ice-cream. AIBU??

I think she may have chosen this as her battle ground. Try being wiley and when she wants something and you are being all supportive and making plans or has a school friend round, pop her a plate of something to cut up and watch her unobtrusively as she decides whether to make a fuss or leave it! Then if she decides she is going to stick to her guns suddenly notice and be all concern and fondly offer to cut it up for her - now you are wondering aren't you?
By being all 'genuine concern' she will be puzzled and soon decide that she doesn't like being treated as a little girl (if you allow any hint of patronising or sarcasm she will know it is battle lines drawn). My bet is she will quietly drop it...especially in front of her friends.
As adults we are way ahead of the game on this stuff...and I used to enjoy it. My two grew to realise that the only way to move Mum was to be straight. As teens if they start a game I 'send a fool further' until we are all laughing.

or tiggy and DH can wait until DSD is back at her Mums and then buy themselves a tub each of haagen daz/ ben and jerry's etc?

The point is we do not know if there was a reason for the stubborn defiance. DSH might just have been being a brat or chancing her arm to see how much she can get away with. that's what kids do, and very frustrating it is too. Sometimes you have to stand your ground, other times you concede their point. But there was no reason to eat like that in the first place, so I wouldn't have given way to her either.

The OP has called her lazy and a brat

Actually she said she was behaving like a brat. That is not the same as saying she is a brat. Stomping off upstairs and slamming the door is pretty much the definition of behaving like a brat.

I do wonder how the girl is meant to learn how to use cutlery properly if she is not made to do so. There is no reason for her not to do so.

If she knows what she is doing and is doing it anyway, there is a bloody REASON. People of any age, child or adult, behave badly for a REASON and because they are unhappy. Happy content people do not behave badly.

The REASON children behave badly is often because they are pushing boundaries. They may well be happy and content as well.

Is there any REASON we are shouting REASON, BTW?

Behaving like a brat is different to being a brat how?

It's really very simple. Even the loveliest child in the world can behave like a brat on occasions. An actual brat behaves like it all the time, usually on account of being allowed to get away with that kind of behaviour.

It's calling her up on her behaviour, not labelling her personality.

The same as "why are you being naughty?" Is different to "why are you a naughty boy?"

Well said, OwlCapone.

DSD's been a brat/been behaving like a brat all last night and again this morning, so my sympathies are entirely with the other members of the household.

At 10 she shouldn't have to be taught how to use a knife. She can watch others and then copy them. We are not talking about doing double herringbone embroidery stitch or playing a piano concerto, but a normal everyday act and basic life skill.

everlong - DSD did say no to the chicken. Read the post! It couldn't be clearer.

She wasn't humiliated - she was told to eat properly! That's a very basic request for a 10 year old. It would be unreasonable not to ask her to eat properly when everyone else is doing so

There is no reason that she cannot use a knife properly - she just choses not to. Possibly because she knows it annoys tiggy...

I don't understand "pushing boundaries"

It doesn't mean anything to me.

It just says "opposing camps" "adult versus child"

I understand working together and co operation.

Where did you get that she was "humiliated"?

Everlong I think you're reading a different thread or skimming this one. You have absolutely no clue and yet feel it appropriate to judge me as a crap step parent.

You sound wonderful a great role model not at all crap, the perfect parent. Perhaps you should write a book.

No special needs she just doesn't like using it, at 10 I'm not cutting up her food because she's too lazy! She's been shown many times.

If she had difficulties I would most certainly have helped as would dh. She has been shown lots of times but just chooses the cut with her fork or pick it up and eat it as is.

That sounds like a huge dose of can't be arsed on the DDs side.

Sounds like it was unnecessarily escalated, happens to the best of people.

Feel sorry for the girl though, it is hard if your parents have split and your mum is more into her new boyfriend than you.

I hope she gets lots if love and attention from her dad.

If her mother and father won't show her and keep showing her until it clicks who will?

How do you propose that is achieved if she is not made to use the knife?

everlong - for the avoidance of doubt, you claimed "It isn't like she said no to chicken"

the OP stated DSD "said she didn't want it".

No room for doubt there. It's beyond me why you can't see that. Or that she was not eating in a manner acceptable for a 10 year old at the dinner table. You might be happy with your children eating like that, tiggy isn't and it's up to her.

Telling a child to eat properly is not humiliating them and it's ridiculous to even suggest that it is.

You also seem to be missing the point that there is no reason that she cannot use a knife properly and refuses to try to do so. She's old enough to work it out for herself by simple trying - not by refusing not even attempt it. We're not talking about anything complex after all.

You seem to think DSD is less than 1/2 her age.

I don't understand "pushing boundaries"

So, you have never once had to tell your child to stop doing something that is unacceptable? Wow. I am impressed.

In our house, pushing boundaries is what happens when they try to force a rule to its limits and beyond. It doesn't exclude working together and cooperation.

Why is she doing it then Katie Kaye?

Is she spiteful? Why?

Does she want to annoy her stepmum and her dad? If so, why?

Is she sly? Is she sociopathic?

To have a genuinely warm and loving relationship with another human being of any age, you have to get beyond the action and look at the cause. "Just do it, you know how," isn't addressing the cause of the behaviour and will increase friction, tension and unhappiness. What's the point of that? How will it help?

Oh and if you read the thread, ever you'll see that DSD has
"No special needs she just doesn't like using it, at 10 I'm not cutting up her food because she's too lazy! She's been shown many times."

and

"She has been shown lots of times but just chooses the cut with her fork or pick it up and eat it as is."