To have said no?

[Tiggywinklespinny]

We have just had dinner, chicken veggies and baby new potatoes.

Dsd (10) can barely use a knife and was asked to cut her chicken not eat it off the fork in a great lump. Instead she said she didn't want it and left it. Too full she said.

She's now on meltdown because I've said no to ice-cream. AIBU??

Candy

Tell you what Rabbit, bloody kid can sleep on the floor for all I care right now . She'll be lucky to get a straw mattress if this carries on.

I Don't have step kids, but would treat my own children the exact way you have. I think you have been very fair, after all chicken is essential protein while ice cream is just unessessary surgery crap. The ice cream is just an added extra, it's not really the substantial important part of a meal.

I expect parents who dish out lots of sweet treats after their kids have left the main course, have quite fussy food eating kids. I tend to cook one meal (not a 'kiddie' meal), serve it to everyone, let them decide without comment wether to leave it or not, give them a healthy pud if the main course is gone/almost gone. We don't nag but we have clear rules.

Tantrums also get you know where in my house. And yes I would expect my 11 year old to cut his own chicken up. If he can use the wii or draw a cartoon, he can definitely has the fine motor skills to cut up a bit of chicken.

We are also working on basic organisation - putting pants in the washing pile, sorting homework, loading the dishwasher etc. All essential basic life skills.

I'd rather competitive "relaxed parenting" than they are born evil and all need squashing into shape the little so and sos, they just want to push buttons and boundaries etc.

Each to their own.

Why does it have to be one or the other, relaxed or evil?

Why not a happy medium?

I am relaxed in that: DD has more freedom than her friends, I let her try 'dangerous' stuff, she can have people over whenever she wants (open house here), she can spend her own money on whatever crap she wants, I 'bargain' with her (if you have the sensible school shoes you can also have a pair I don't like for playing), she goes to bed later than her friends on school nights, and whenever she wants at the weekend (I don't need 'me' time), she reads 'adult' books (Stephen King, not soft porn!), she is trusted and treated like an older kid.

However, I am strict on: table manners, being polite to adults, eating 'good' food more than junk, behaving at school, cleaning out the rabbits, oh and not calling me 'stupid' - which is why she's in bed now

There's been a lot of sniping on both sides here, pretty unnecessary really. Surely we are all just doing our best - for kids both bio and step.

Dallas, perhaps Hully can give you a proper insight into your shit parenting attitude and why it's not working. It won't be about the bed, is she neglected? Have you given her enough attention, did you tell her nicely to do what what needed?

Or as rabbitrisen suggested on an earlier post, there will be a backstory, it can't be that she's just having a tantrum and you MUST get to the bottom of it or it'll never be resolved.

Maybe after you've co slept tonight and she's calm in the morning you can ask 'ooh that was a bit mad last night, what happened there' I'm sure she'll tell you exactly.

Good Luck

Hahaha @ Tiggy co slept

Some of you are more than happy to criticise other people's parenting but get all defensive when it's hit back at you. So, the relaxed approach works for you? It doesn't for everyone!

Tbh, I've not seen any "competitive relaxed parenting" on this thread.
It's quite insulting to suggest that just because someone isn't willing to enter a mealtime battle with a 10 yo, they're happy for their kids to eat off the floor.
We all have different ways of doing things. Personally, I think it's worth trying a more relaxed approach with some things if the stricter method isn't working. That doesn't team I don't care about the result. And it doesn't mean I think anyone is a bad parent simply because they don't share my views.
But my views are as valid as anyone else's.

Actually, I never said I agreed with the OP. I did say that it was obvious that it was more than the cutlery issue, so saying the OP was being uptight over the knife was OTT.

I am not trying to 'win', this is a discussion.

I don't understand your attitude and behaviour at all Tiggy.

it seems very childish.

Perhaps it's me.

So if you simply wanted to say AIBU?

I would say it is the wrong question to be asking, that's all.

Hey tiggy - hope things were better for you today and that DSD was eating her meals with the rest of the family.

Sorry about some of the accusations that have been flying around here. Have you been able to talk to her about why she was so OTT on Friday? Any compromises been reached?

This is why I dont do venting threads.

I assumed, along with others it seems, that that the op wanted some insight.
But she was just venting just wish she said so in the first place

Fine to vent (really fine, everyone does it) but it might be good if she took on some others views.

accusations?

Hilarious. Sounds just alike a bolshy teenager in the playground: "don't listen to them Tigs, they just making touble daring to have a different pov/ offering a different perspective, seeing as you did ask coz you're so great."