To have said no?

[Tiggywinklespinny]

We have just had dinner, chicken veggies and baby new potatoes.

Dsd (10) can barely use a knife and was asked to cut her chicken not eat it off the fork in a great lump. Instead she said she didn't want it and left it. Too full she said.

She's now on meltdown because I've said no to ice-cream. AIBU??

Only now realised that she was venting.

I make it a personal policy of mine not to go on venting threads.

My DD3 absolutely refuses to talk about any tantrums/bad behaviour afterwards, which is usually as we walk to school because that's the best time to chat generally. Have you got any suggestions as to how I can get her to talk about it?

When DS1 has a tantrum, (and by golly he has some almighty ones!!!) I often have to remove a toy or something from him BECAUSE of the tantrum. He knows its because of the tantrum (and not because of whatever the behaviour was that caused the tantrum - that may warrant its own punishment, it may not). We discuss it afterwards. If he won't discuss it, he doesn't get his toy back. Put a note in with the toy as to what the tantrum was about to make sure you don't muddle it up with the NEXT toy you remove. Eventually she'll start to want the toys back and will be willing to discuss them. If the time gap becomes too long for some of the previously confiscated toys, then she has to do something to earn them back, but only AFTER she has started to discuss the tantrums.

In OPs situation Everlong the child was probably angry at being asked to use her knife properly. That's all it takes sometimes, a simple comment to kick off WW3. Then more angry because she said she wasn't hungry and realised she'd backed herself into a corner using "not hungry" as an excuse, which meant no ice-cream.

I doubt it's much more than that. Although I expect hormones are kicking in right about now. DSD was a proper cow as puberty was starting, as was I (if my mother is to be believed ). God. That'll be the next stage for DD

LtEve has it spot on. She was angry because she thought she was being clever (I'm stuffed anyway, when asked to use cutlery properly) but it backfired (you can't want pudding then if you're so stuffed). The dsd was trying to play a little mind game, as lots of children do thinking they can out smart their parents, but of course we already know what they are aiming at because we did it when we were younger.

And yes 10 year old girls can blow up majorly.

That's right everlong. So we can't judge them then, can we ?

And when there are no answers, use the information provided and accept that sometimes the OP can't provide the answers either.

rabbit - to answer your question from last night (sorry I went to bed straight after). I meant that if this had been posted by a mum about their daughter, I expect for the large part people would have agreed she was having a strop and shouldn't get any ice cream and aren't kids the darndest things etc. The thread would have died fairly quickly. But because it's a stepmum asking, she comes in for much more scrutiny and criticism and psycho-analysis. It can't just be one of those things, it must be a step issue and the stepparent/NRP at fault rather than the child...

How is saying I agree with what a previous poster said, evasive? I think LtEve has it spot on here, YMMV.

There certainly can be "competitive laid back parenting" on MN, that's what I meant by liberal parents. It's no different to the competitive Cool wifeys you get on relationship threads. IMO, it's often the most supposedly laid back sorts who lay most into the OP and predict dire consequences if the OP doesn't heed their wisdom.

Making a comment you don't believe is sufficiently detailed is not being evasive. I'm giving my opinion on an internet forum, not a sworn witness statement.

The comment above yours explains what I meant, take it or leave it, we're all just giving our opinions here.

Everlong, have you spent any time with your dc recently? you appear to have spent almost 48 hours picking holes in a thread about ice cream. Get over yourself and find something to do!

I hope they're back soon!

My 10 yr old dd can cut chicken with a knife & fork, with no problems & she's left handed.

I think it's a power struggle here. Stick to your guns & take the iPad away while you're at it

She is being having in an unacceptable manner, she is 10 not 3 and people making excuses for this type of behavior amaze me.

Oh I see, riverboat1. Interesting. You may have a point.

Though on this occasion, the op herself volunteered the family dynamics. She didnt need to have done that if she hadnt wanted to. I was a bit surprised she did tbh. It isnt necessarily relevant, as you say.

I don't think that riverboat, I think it is the situation that causes the issues, not the personalities per se.

Christ. I should have kept off this thread - I've cursed myself.

DD has just been sent to bed (without pudding natch) after kicking off because she no longer wants the 'day bed' she's been asking for (for bloody weeks) and instead wants the storage bed that she wouldn't look at in Ikea today, so we didn't measure, or price up, or check mattresses etc.

Bloody hell. Spoilt little madam.
Think I need a beer.

AllDirections - how old is she? How do you start the conversation? What form does her refusal take?

It wont be about the bed Dallas it'll be something much deeper than that, there's no such thing as a typical strop from a dc on here.

Competitive 'who can be the most relaxed parent' happens a lot on MN:

"I don't mind if my young children sometimes eat with their fingers."

"Yeah, well I don't mind if my teenager children want to eat their dinner off the floor."

"Mine just grab a handful of whatever from the fridge whenever they fancy. We don't even own cutlery."