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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teen Porn

72 replies

StowAway · 02/05/2014 00:02

Name changer here. I dunno how to feel on this topic tho I think 'freaked out' sums it up.

AIBU to be slightly mortified having found teen porn links on dp laptop. We both use the laptop freely so it's not passworded or anything. Dp is in his 40's. When I say teen porn I mean they were obviously the age of consent but.... Jeez there's a fine line! I'm talking 18/19 year olds if that (yup, curiosity got the better of me, I checked a link out, didn't so much 'watch' it as I felt repulsed).

Am I over-reacting or would anyone else be weirded out by this? I wouldn't have a problem if it was just 'regular' porn it's the teen element I have the issue with. I feel repulsed by my partner as I didn't think he was the sort to even look at porn

OP posts:
Original poster
StowAway · 02/05/2014 00:10

No replies. Yup, must definitely just be me who has a problem with this then seeks nearest self-help book

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sugar21 · 02/05/2014 00:11

Agree with you stow. Porn can be repulsive. I would be and was weirded out. My exH used to look at this shit every night until one time he opened up a site and it had a virus on it which obliterated his lap top. Served him right yeh. I can't stand that teen porn it's disgusting. I know at the time I felt why is he looking at this aren't I good enough. Confront him with it

neiljames77 · 02/05/2014 00:12

I think they are in their 20's but made to look or just naturally look younger. Or is it the fact that he's searched for it that's worrying/sickening you?

lilola · 02/05/2014 00:13

a female in porn is either 'teen' or 'milf', there seems to be no in between. I'd find it a bit weird but since a huge percentage of porn is labelled 'teen' I suppose it would be hard to avoid IYSWIM

Original poster
StowAway · 02/05/2014 00:19

Sorry, cross-post. I feel like my trust has been broken and don't understand why, it's not like he cheated on me!

I have a young son who is not my dp's so I think my instincts are now questioning my choice in partner.

I was a couple of days ago I found it. I did confront him. It lead to a row. I asked him if he likes young girls or something (I am younger than my dp by a good decade). I cried a lot, asked if I was enough for him. The usual. I'm just weirded out by it, the fact these girls were so young.

His defense was they are adult, they wouldn't be allowed to make porn and have it distributed on a website if they were below the age of consent etc.

He has a point I suppose, but they are young enough to be his daughter ffs! I am seriously questioning my choice of partner but as far as I am aware this is not something he looks at often nor porn in general. He has promised me he won't look at porn ever again but this was after a heated discussion of me saying how 1) I was repulsed by him and 2) these young girls were probably exploited.

N.B I don't think he is some sort of Paedo or anything but I am concerned that I can't trust him. But that sounds irrational in my head iyswim

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Original poster
StowAway · 02/05/2014 00:25

And the fact he looked for it purposely doesn't help. We have a healthy sex life or so i thought

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avianaz · 02/05/2014 00:31

I'd be repulsed.

I had a very hard time that ex dp went out with someone way too young before me. Borderline pedophilia if not it full stop.

I'd really hope there was some sort of excuse, like the fact a lot of porn is "teen" but...

"Dp is in his 40's. When I say teen porn I mean they were obviously the age of consent but.... Jeez there's a fine line! I'm talking 18/19 year olds if that"

:/

avianaz · 02/05/2014 00:34

I think it's fairly obvious that he DOES like young girls. :( It doesn't mean you aren't good enough, it just means he is a lowlife creep.

So sorry :( I can't believe he tried to justify it saying they were legal. A lot aren't! Where is the line then?? :/

Alisvolatpropiis · 02/05/2014 00:37

18/19 year old females are women, not children, for starters.

So he doesn't have an "issue" in terms of being a paedophile.

How you feel about porn is your own business.

I know my dp occasionally looks at porn. I don't care. It doesn't offend me insofar as feeling my trust has been breached/cheated on.

I've viewed porn previously, I find it the total opposite of erotic. Sex in scenes in proper films on the other hand, I often do.

If I found out he was looking at sex abuse recordings of underage girls (I refuse to call it porn when it's underage) I would end our relationship immediately.

Original poster
StowAway · 02/05/2014 00:43

That was exactly my response to him, Avianaz! I asked why try justify his actions when it won't change the outcome? I asked him at what age does he think its acceptable to wank over a young girl. I even blatantly asked him if my son was safe around him (stupid I know, he would never hurt my boy). I just feel sick. It was more likely a one-off and he explained he did it out of boredom (I wasn't there :s). I do believe its a one off since there's never been anything like this that I've found before and he's very open with his computer/laptop etc since we both use it and he never bothers to password it as its always been this way. Still even if he only watched ten minutes worth of teen porn in our whole relationship or even his whole life it doesn't sit right with me.

Justifying his scummy actions... Pah!!

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Original poster
StowAway · 02/05/2014 00:46

Alizarin, I think I'm insecure then cos now I feel I'm not good enough. That's probably my issue, not his

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Original poster
StowAway · 02/05/2014 00:47

Alizarin?? Who's that??? I meant to put Aliz!

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Alisvolatpropiis · 02/05/2014 00:51

Well yes it's your issue as far as it is what you are thinking.

I'm not saying you are wrong. Just offering my own point of view on the subject.

I've never thought of thinking my dp looking at porn means I'm lacking. Not because I'm arrogant, just because it's not how I think. Gods knows I can be sensitive and concerned about how I am perceived generally speaking but not sexually.

It might just be me being weird.

meditrina · 02/05/2014 07:19

What is wrong here is his porn use - the women shown are several years over the age of consent (not 'young girls'). It is OK to dislike porn without misapplying the language of paedophilia.

Because it sounds to me that your assertion the you are OK with some porn may not actually be true. You say in OP the you hadn't expected him to use porn at all, so you're not comparing this porn with other, and you might not be familiar with what typical porn images are.

You don't have to be "cool" about porn - or rather images of sex with other women, supplied by an industry which is frequently highly abusive.

You might want to ask for this to be moved to "relationships" as I think you're get good advice from the posters there - it's no really an AIBU. It's the start of thinking about your relationship and what you do next after a shock that has been so nasty for you.

Louise1956 · 02/05/2014 07:23

I think it depends how much he looks at it. If it isn't interfering with his attentiveness to you, then it may not be much of a problem. But I have read of men who are so into porn they take no interest in their wives any more, which is clearly a bad thing. If he's only looking at them when you're not around, it seems like he isn't that into porn.

As for the age of the girls, while 18/19 is young, they are adults, and late teens/early 20s is the age when girls are very attractive to men, so it's not abnormal for men to find women of that age attractive.

DogCalledRudis · 02/05/2014 07:27

No that i watch much porn, "teen" is more like a keyword, nothing else. If it is professionally made, all actors are over 18.

whois · 02/05/2014 07:33

I would have thought that pretty much all men would find women aged 18-25 quite attractive.

This is actually your problem OP, as in your feelings about porn are what they are - but don't project bull shit 'peado' language onto the situation.

Have you ever discussed this before? Does he know you hate porn?

MaryWestmacott · 02/05/2014 07:40

If they presented as under 18, even if they are clearly over, it is still illegal. Just to warn you.

However, there are lots of things that are perfectly legal that are deal breakers for relationships (sleeping with other consenting adults is another one). And just because other people would have no problem with it, doesn't mean you shouldn't, and conversly, just because a lot of woman have a problem with all porn, doesn't mean you should.

Decide if you think this is a dealbreaker, then it is.

However, I don't think it follows that because he liked young woman (assuming we aren't talking about children), that means he doesn't fancy you anymore. Think about male celebs you find sexually attractive, how many look like your DH? Does that mean you don't fancy him anymore?

BerniesBurneze · 02/05/2014 07:54

Porn may be an understandable issue for you, but I will agree that "teen" porn is not peadophilic. Porn is categorised. Teen is pretty much girls under 30 who look fresh faced, wrinkle free and pert. Considering the kinks and specefic perversions there are out there, teen could be considered tame within the industry. I understand why it is hurtful to you though Sad

jenipat · 02/05/2014 08:31

Hmm... Well if he got turned on by 18/19 year old girls that wouldn't be a criminal offence or worthy of opprobium in itself.

But... if he was deliberately seeking out 'teen porn' then how old is a teen?

Sure he may have ended up with girls aged 18/19, but did he mean to, perhaps (perhaps) he was looking for younger.

It's about intention IYSWIM.

I agree that it might be a cause for concern and different to if he were to seek out 'dominant lady with a whip', or 'big-breasted, blonde' porn.

My ex had a preference for porn where men got whipped by women; not to my taste but it didn't keep me awake at night.

JustforMe · 02/05/2014 09:15

Think of it like this I'm sure if you had a choice between a block in his 40s who may look a bit tired and a younger handsome and attractive guy (just to look at) you would choose the younger one.

We all do it when we watch films or flick through magazines we look and go oh I wouldn't mind him etc.

so this is what your dh is doing but in a slightly different way. It doesn't mean he doesn't find you attractive or love you just that when he watches port he prefers someone younger. Maybe you should think about whether you worry about being left for a younger woman and deal with personal issues regarding your own appearance.

just offering a different way of looking at it.

turtleback · 02/05/2014 09:23

I've seen adverts for teen porn and the videos in sex shops. Often with creepy as fuck titles. Very young women (who look younger) wearing pigtails and ribbons in their hair while sucking lolly pops. I would seriously 100% dump my partner if I saw him looking at that sort of shit. It says to me that he likes inappropriately young girls but because he either realizes it's immoral or illegal chooses not to actually watch them. Which is good I suppose but to be honest enough to put me off him completely. It's vile and pathetic.

sunshinesoutmybum · 02/05/2014 09:26

I can understand why you are hurt that he has broken your trust, however I think you were BU to ask him if your son was safe around him. As stated before the young women in the majority of main stream porn are over 18 and are made up to look younger.

Original poster
StowAway · 02/05/2014 10:51

I generally wouldn't see it as an issue if it was just porn, it's the fact I looked at it and you could tell these girls were really young.

I think I'm projecting but there's no way I would get my kicks to an 18yo male. I work with students (18 years+) and can't even remotely find any of them sexually attractive. It'd feel 'wrong' if I did

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leedsgirl231 · 02/05/2014 10:59

Men watch porn... but YANBU to be worried that they look so young!

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