Teen Porn

[StowAway]

Name changer here. I dunno how to feel on this topic tho I think 'freaked out' sums it up.

AIBU to be slightly mortified having found teen porn links on dp laptop. We both use the laptop freely so it's not passworded or anything. Dp is in his 40's. When I say teen porn I mean they were obviously the age of consent but.... Jeez there's a fine line! I'm talking 18/19 year olds if that (yup, curiosity got the better of me, I checked a link out, didn't so much 'watch' it as I felt repulsed).

Am I over-reacting or would anyone else be weirded out by this? I wouldn't have a problem if it was just 'regular' porn it's the teen element I have the issue with. I feel repulsed by my partner as I didn't think he was the sort to even look at porn

I don't think this is a deal breaker for me, however I do think he's crossed a boundary and I can't help but feel repulsed by him so I'm just gonna have to weather this one I guess. I think it's all my issue but.... teen?!? Seriously?!? He's 41, he has older nieces than that! Gonna have to try work thru this I guess

What's the alternative? Look at milf porn?

Porn is a fantasy, it's not really a surprise he'd fantasize about younger women instead of older ones where age and gravity have caught up to them.

If you don't like porn, that's fine. But let's not start getting picky about how he decides to jizz in a sock.

This is pretty bad StowAway if you're repulsed by him and are now viewing him with mistrust and suspicion. You're going to have to try and sort this out with him quickly because of the nature of the feelings both of you will be having right now. On the one hand, there's you questioning whether you REALLY know the man you're with and on the other hand, he's thinking that he's had some horrible things implied about him and he's lost your trust and respect. You'll need a long, frank, open and honest talk together to try and reassure each other that it's actually worth it.

Yeah but the difference between looking at 'milf' porn and the teen variety is that the intention is clearly to look at grown-up women.

Now it's entirely plausible that this guy looked up teen porn fully intending to see sexually mature (but young) women of about 18/19, I get that.

But, really, by looking up teen porn specifically it's equally plausible to say that he wanted to see younger than this because, after all, the word 'teen' applies to those aged between 13-19.

I'm no prude; my ex used to like seeing grown women dressed in leather spanking men, but I wouldn't just brush off what this guy did.

Lots of porn is made where they don't care at all about the laws. I mean you know women are often being threatened off camera to keep smiling, right? That's not legal but why should they care?

Someone searching out porn of women who look 13 is just as bad as searching out children on purpose. Because yes, teens are children. That's why it's not called "young adult porn". Teen porn is not "under 30", you're delusional if you think that. They normally wear childish clothes (like ~13 year olds wear), school uniforms, they're in their bedrooms and it's all about a man taking advantage of them, teachers etc. and sometimes their fathers? You think this is okay to watch? The reality of porn is bad enough but here the subject matter makes it even worse.

Totally agree with what jeni is saying, she has worded it far better than I could. I'd be a bit weirded out tbh. I wouldn't if it was one link and it was clearly just clicked on a porn site but seeing him actively search the word "teen" seems a bit weird. My ex used to watch it and some of them do look like really, really young.

Guy's point of view warning.

I can understand why you find it a little odd and upsetting, but YABU with the other points you are raising - don't trust him, questioning choice of partner etc.

Whilst there are certain aspects of the porn world which are very highly dubious, it's certainly not a hugely bad thing for a guy to be, erm, "enjoying".

Mention it to him, chat it over with him, not as in a confrontational session, but just bring up your point.

Regardless of whether your husband/boyfriend etc says that he doesn't watch porn - he does. There are very few guys who actually don't, certainly between the ages of about 14 and 45....

FFS Rinabean - all porn is forced rape of children is what you're alluding to......

Sorry I hope I've not lead any of you up the garden path. This may change your perspective on the matter. He googled 'porn' plain and simple. I don't necessarily have a problem with that. But every link he looked at (there was only about 5 vids he'd viewed) had the word teen in the title. He looked at one of those porn sites where they have literally millions of videos, but of all the things to watch he clicked on teen links. You get the obvious categories 'anal', 'lesbians', 'threesomes' but for some reason he chose to look at teen porn just from googling the word 'porn'.

So maybe I'm overreacting. I asked why specifically they were all teen. His response 'I didn't give it much thought, viewers of these clips give them ratings and I clinked on the links with the best ratings'. So I have to accept that. He can be quite 'dumb' shall we say and miss obvious things some people would be aghast at. He wouldn't intentionally search for teen porn but I'm still miffed/shocked he looked at it and gave no regard to what the titles of the videos said.

That said I'm pretty miffed on the porn thing in general, I'm no prude cos I myself have watched it with partners in the past. I'm just a bit put out about it cos I always thought we had a good, enjoyable sex life (tmi, sorry)

Bubble Congratulations! You have managed to devise a system which can deduce the sexual behaviours of all men between the ages of 14 and 45. What was your initial hypothesis? I assume to prove all men between the ages of 14 and 45 consume pornography. How did you obtain the results? Field testing? Questionnaires? Did you conduct interviews? Was it a naturalist experiment? Did you enter the homes of all me in your age bracket and observe them in their natural environment? Or have you built a machine that can track all sites visited by males between 14 and 45? Did you explore that women watch porn? How old were they? Were the ages different? What was the percentage? Was it less than 100% like the men?

excuse me, i was excited about your statistical analysis and put "me" instead of "men". Apologies for the typo.

To be fair, I am always glad to get a guys perspective on things who isn't my dp. The difference with me and my guy is I watch porn as a visual stimulus to add to our sex life. I don't watch it alone. I'm putting my own agenda on it aren't I? I just don't get why he's watching it just cos I'm not there. It's not like we're ever apart for long and we have set a few times a week. I just feel so ewwwww

Sex*

Stow The opinion of one male poster is not the opinion of all men.

Why is he watching it? Because he wants to.
Perhaps if you have told him how repulsed it has made you feel perhaps he wont do it again. Perhaps he will? Perhaps he will but will hide the history better? Perhaps he wont bother.

I am potentially not the correct person to advise you because I do not find porn erotic but I would imagine that explaining to him that finding that particular genre of porn has made you feel repulsed and you feel it may impact your sexual desire for him, he will probably hide it better next time to spare your feelings.

You cannot apply brain bleach once the metaphorical horse has bolted though. You may find you never quite see him in the same way again.

Teresa.
I'm a man, happily married, kids etc. I watch porn (the normal kind, not the weird teen stuff ).
I am friends with men, I work with men (and ladies) - I've yet to meet one that kind of says "nah, I don't watch it" - I do understand some may not watch it constantly etc - but it's a perfectly natural thing.......

Honestly - if there was no demand, it wouldn't be made......

stowaway
Yeah - in all honesty, it's one of the "safest" options to click on..... a lot of the girls that are labelled as "teen" in these things haven't been a teen for a number of years

To be fair, I am always glad to get a guys perspective on things who isn't my dp.

Even if that guy extrapolated information from what he and perhaps some of his friend's do to conclude the behaviour of ALL men? I'm with TereseaGreen on this one.

Stowaway only you can determine what YOU are comfortable with. It is ok to be uncomfortable with porn whatever your reasons but really only you can assess your boundaries. I am with a lot of the others where 'teen porn' covers quite a lot of legitimate porn and certainly doesn't mean pedophilia.

That was not what I asked Bubble

"Regardless of whether your husband/boyfriend etc says that he doesn't watch porn - he does"
Are all the men you know accomplished liars? Do you have the data which concludes all the partners of Mners are liars?
Have you ever considered that the cultural and social expectations on males to be sexually charged beings may result in men claiming the watch porn when potentially they do not? Perhaps they are embarrassed to say no? Perhaps that is because people pedal these "facts" as 100% acc-u-rat that they feel the pressure to conform to the current social norm.
I didn't ask you for your martial status, whether or not you were happy. I just asked you to reflect on your generalisation and provide me with evidence to back up such claims.
Your hypothesis should read "All men I have asked in have said they watch porn".

Stow - there are obviously different scenarios.

Watching with a partner can be a lot of fun and is certainly entertaining.

Sometimes watching alone is entertaining as well! As you said, shared laptop, he's "only" looked 4 or 5 times, so it's not as if he is actively searching out gruesome illegal stuff.

If it's a concern, you're right to voice it - but some of the responses in here are a huge over-reaction to the situation, given you have explaiend that you enjoy it as well.... seems as if you have spoken to him about it - he seems suitably embarrassed - forget all of this other nonsense about "bleaching your mind of the horrendous incident" - it's a very insignificant situation in the grander schemes of everyday life.

Teresa you certainly are quite pedantic........
Ok - swift amendment then - the majority of men will watch porn - it's not a huge accomplished lie, it's a little white lie to avoid hurting the feelings of the partner - you can deny it if you like, but I'd quite happily wager that your partner watches it, but won't immediately admit it to you....

Doesn't make every man a complete lying bastard, and your hyperbolic reaction is way, way over the top.

Interesting quote there Bubble.
"bleaching your mind of the horrendous incident"
Where did that come from?
Mine was quite similar
"You cannot apply brain bleach once the metaphorical horse has bolted though. You may find you never quite see him in the same way again."
Conclusion is still the same, once you see something that has (in the OPS words) "repulsed" you you do not have the ability to erase that part of your memory.
I was simply stating the OP needs to be prepared that her feelings may change towards him. Brushing feelings under the carpet isn't considered healthy no is it?

If my friend asked me if I watched the xfactor and I said yes because she liked it and I didn't really because I thinks its shit but didn't want to hurt her would it still be a lie?
Of course.

I am not a pedant. I just have this crazy idea that if you tell a lie its a 'erm 'ya know, lie?

"but I'd quite happily wager that your partner watches it," Based on the conclusion from your group of friends which consist of porn watchers and white lie tellers? Go ahead buddy. Wager away.

I say that this was an 'amber' light situation rather than a 'green' or 'red' situation.

In other words, OP, be wary: yes, it could be the case that he intended ONLY to see 18/19 year old women-in which case, well, that would not make him a pervert. They are not children after all.

But then again, given that 'teen' applies to the ages between 13-19, well, you can't just accept those telling you not to worry and forget it, can you?

It's not as if he looked up 'milf with big boobs' or 'dominatrix shows naughty slave who is boss', or 'hot lesbians'.

If my dh specifically chose this category, there'd be a light flashing in my mind: I would HAVE to think this further.

Also, I can only speak for myself, but I'd be more 'miffed' about him watching this genre of pornography than him merely watching porn of the grown woman/grown man type.

In response to TereseaGreen's thirst for evidence, I've done a quick Google, and one of the top entries was a Telegraph article (that I haven't read) where the article title claims scientists find that all men use porn. (Think it's light-hearted, apparently scientists wanted to compare men in their twenties who weren't porn users with those who were, but couldn't actually locate a male in his twenties who had never viewed porn.)

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/6709646/All-men-watch-porn-scientists-find.html

If anyone can find a more convincing link that points to a different conclusion, post it in this thread. Ball in TereseaGreen's Court.

Teresa - context. All in the context. Do you never, ever tell a little fib.......?
I'd be pretty certain that you do/did/have done. In this situation, it's entirely harmless.

I do understand that finding out that your partner is watching porn may not be a pleasant situation, but it's not a huge issue.

OP has since commented that the situation was over-egged - certainly doesn't seem as if she was repulsed by the whole incident, more suprised I'd say...

Also - watching the X Factor is far, far worse than watching porn

A guy in his 40s wanking to 18/19 year olds us a huge turn off for most women. It is grim. How would you feel if a guy was leering at young girls in the street. It is pretty sad.
I don 't think I could bring myself to fancy someone like that again. It would change your perception of the type of person that man was.