Teen Porn

[StowAway]

Name changer here. I dunno how to feel on this topic tho I think 'freaked out' sums it up.

AIBU to be slightly mortified having found teen porn links on dp laptop. We both use the laptop freely so it's not passworded or anything. Dp is in his 40's. When I say teen porn I mean they were obviously the age of consent but.... Jeez there's a fine line! I'm talking 18/19 year olds if that (yup, curiosity got the better of me, I checked a link out, didn't so much 'watch' it as I felt repulsed).

Am I over-reacting or would anyone else be weirded out by this? I wouldn't have a problem if it was just 'regular' porn it's the teen element I have the issue with. I feel repulsed by my partner as I didn't think he was the sort to even look at porn

Thank you AnonyMan

That particular piece of research (I have seen it before) suggests that all the men tin the study had watched porn. Not that they had continued to use it. Only they couldn't find anyone who had not seen it. Have I seen porn? Yes. Do I watch it now? No.

Thanks for trying though.

Bubblebutt, it's not so much the porn, it's the category that gives cause for concern.

At least that it what I thought this thread was about.

Looking up 'big-breasted milfs' surely is not grounds for concern while the category selected by op's partner surely might be?

Bubble
"I do understand that finding out that your partner is watching porn may not be a pleasant situation, but it's not a huge issue"
For your partner. Not for me.

I have ethical objections to pornography. I do not wish that everyone holds my values nor do I assume everyone would want to but as different couples set different parameters for our own relationships (such as porn use or lying) we are all going to be different.

I never objected to your use of porn or the porn use of the Ops partner, I just didn't agree with the fact you assumed all partners lie about what can potentially be a moral,ethical,religious or emotional issue in a relationship.

Do i tell fibs? Depends on who I am speaking to and what about. I don't lie to my husband about my feelings on fundamental ethical issues though, which is how I view pornography.

I wouldn't see this as an issue if it was just porn as me and dh enjoy the amateur adult sites.
The young girl/teen porn would worry me and I'd probably chop his balls off
This isn't right OP, tell him he's disgusting, weird, and yuk, just ltb

I think I am repulsed by the fact that I think these young girls must have been exploited somehow. Maybe circumstance lead them to sell their bodies as they do. My dp argued that that is their choice as consenting adults. I sad yeah naive, gullible and easily-influenced consenting adults. I also made a valid point to him about Tracy Lords; google her of you don't know who she is.

I think the face I have a child myself and dp doesn't had played some small part in my judgement as well. Of I didn't have a child would I still be repulsed? Yep, I probably would but this compounds it all the more tho I know for a fact my son is 100% safe around dp

I am sorry you feel like this Stow.
I once had a wonderful friend who I would have gladly walked to the ends of the earth for. Unfortunately. her mask slipped when she had a drink and she made some of the most disgusting remarks about children with special needs I was unable to look at her in the same way again. I stopped replying to email and calls offering explanations but the damage was irreversible.

You can often ponder how you will react in these situations but until in happens in reality, you never know what kind of feelings are going to surface.

Please don't take this post as suggesting you LTB, its not like that at all. There may be some resources about the porn industry and the reasons why it has provoked such a visceral reaction. Perhaps some education and reflection may help both of you move forward.

TereseaGreen

Define what you consider to be a porn user, how much time must elapse to classified a non-user?

Possibly not important, but what counts as porn? Do page 3 girls count? What about photos in glossy women's magazines? What about a photo of a woman in a business suit in an Economist advert? (I think if an image is used for erotic purposes it counts as porn, and on that basis all the above are porn. Though I can't personally vouch for the inclusion of page 3 girls.)

What percentage of men do you think use porn? If you think it's "only" 50% then I can't be bothered to argue with you, but if you think it's less than 20% then there's definitely a gap that's worth closing.

I've made more effort than you to provide evidence, it really is your turn next.

Wait, here's some more

recent American studies show that 68 per cent of young adult males and 18 per cent of young adult females look at porn at least once a week.

Read more: www.netdoctor.co.uk/sexandrelationships/porn.htm#ixzz30ZJD1ezd

I'm intrigued as to why people assume that the girls are all exploited, forced into it etc.

I do understand that there will be that aspect to it, and it is abhorent and disgusting - but I'd suggest that it's far from the norm. Is it that hard to comprehend that some (most?!) of these girls actually enjoy it.

There will always be unsavoury elements to every aspect of society, elements that skirt the edges of legality and morality, and these are the arease that are concerning and disgusting.

Stow - I am a little confused as to how a few posts ago you were ok with watching porn with your partner as part of your sex life, but now he's seen some by himself you have concerns about him - because you have a child and he doesn't?

Please accept my apologies when I ask, but it's not because you have a daughter of 17/18/19 and you are worried?

I'm not having a go or taking the mickey, it is meant as a genuine question, and would certainly explain the "repulsion" over finding a partner watching this kind of material.... but if the child is younger (4, 5, 6 etc) - I'd be a bit puzzled.

Teresa - I respect your reasons for not liking it - we can't all like the same things, as the world would be a boring place, whilst I may not agree with you, a healthy debate is good for us all.

Lastly - on the whole "Teen" aspect of it. If you have searched his history and it has brought up , erm, "well known" "respectable" sites, any Teen's on there won't be anywhere near as young as people are alluding to on here.

I have no doubt that some very illegal and horrible sites would have situations where Teen's does actually mean "young teens" - but simply typing porn into google would not lead you to that - and the people on here, leading the moral crusade against pornogrpahy, who seem to be quite knowledgeable about the subject - realise that, and are being inflammatory and argumentative just to get a reaction.

Porn User- someone who watches porn
Not a porn user - Someone who does not or no longer watches porn.
What counts as porn? Videos or photographs showing sex acts
Page 3 - No, but it is dumb.
What about photos in glossy women's magazines? Not porn unless a sex act
What about a photo of a woman in a business suit in an Economist advert? as above.
What percentage of men do you think use porn? I don't know, do you?

When did I make a statement that required evidence? When did I state a premise as fact?

The study you present. Interesting, if I was to hazard a guess I would have placed the figure higher than 68%. Thank you for concluding I may be morally and ethically compatible with 32% of men.

OP if it was a one off I would be furious but I wouldn't end it, but would expect him to reassure me and regain my trust.

I used to be fine with porn, used to watch it a lot myself. But one day while watching together and looking for a video he said something to the effect of "I need to find someone I like"
"no, her face annoys me"
etc
He always said it was never the women, just watching the sex. After some thinking I decided I didn't want to be with someone who watched porn/got aroused and wanked over other women. Luckily he didn't (much? maybe) while with me to start with... well I hope! lol

Bubble - Exploring why others think the way they do and how they form opinions is central to solving cultural and social differences. I enjoy critical thinking and analysis so whilst it might appear I am being argumentative, I am simply trying to open further lines of inquiry.

I enjoy debate and I am pleased you have been willing to accept my opinion as I have yours.

Bubble - I think I am being slightly U, the conversation became a heated row with my dp. I was asking all sorts of hypothetical questions.... 'When my son is 16 an has female friends will you be secretly leching over them?' I was just so hurt and a crying wreck. Irrational I know :s but it has made me think differently

I don't think there is anything sinister by a man being turned on by women of 18 and 19?i would have thought it entirely natural

Porn User- someone who watches porn

That's hardly helpful - in terms of precision that's a step backwards from where we were, you had already excluded some people who match this definition. Anyway, we can drop this now.

When did I make a statement that required evidence?

Sorry, I thought you were opposed to he idea that most men use porn. If you think the number is higher than 68% (and I agree with that) then I don't know why you gave such a strong response to Bubbles first post. Really, whether the number is 80% or 95%, what difference does it make to anything?

On a side-note, I could infer from what you've written that if your DP were using the aforementioned Economist photo during masturbation, you woudn't mind, as it's not porn. I think most of the reasons women usually give for disproving of porn would apply in that situation, so you have an unusual perspective.

Thank you AnonyMan for ending our conversation so abruptly. It is so nice to be told when to stop debate.

"I don't know why you gave such a strong response to Bubbles first post"
Because he suggested all men who say they don't watch porn are liars. Thankfully you came to the rescue with data which suggests that 32% do not therefore my argument was valid based on the evidence you provided. Yes?

"I could infer from what you've written that if your DP were using the aforementioned Economist photo during masturbation, you wouldn't mind, as it's not porn."
Correct. I am not the mind police.
Porn is different. We both have strong ethical objections relating to objectification and what we believe the porn industry represents as well as our won view on its adverse affects on relationships. As I said, we are not looking for people to think the way we do, we just ask that people respect how we feel and refrain from applying generalisations.

own not won.
Sigh. My touch typing needs work.

On a side-note, I could infer from what you've written that if your DP were using the aforementioned Economist photo during masturbation, you woudn't mind, as it's not porn. I think most of the reasons women usually give for disproving of porn would apply in that situation, so you have an unusual perspective.

I'm not sure that 'most of the reasons' women give for not liking porn are because men masturbate over it but because it objectifies women and creates a society where women are judged by certain sexual standards, in addition it can create situations where women are expected to be a certain way or act a certain way because of porn culture, it is also an industry complicit in violence towards woman. The reasons women may not like porn are more complex than some bloke wanking over it. If a man uses a picture of a woman in a business suit to wank over it doesn't make it porn but he could still be objectifying women and as such may bring sexist views into the workplace, it is his act and actions in daily life and not the photograph which may be at issue. The picture (you understand) still isn't porn but a person may not like the attitude behind the act. Mind you, it would very much depend on whether he brings that objectification into his daily life, specifically the workplace.

Your inference is tenuous and I'm not sure Teresea's perspective is that unusual. I'm also not sure why you feel the need to pick apart the fact someone disapproves of pornography, surely if you are free to use it, they are free to have an opinion on it and to express that opinion, she hasn't judged here but I feel that you are judging her.

I can only speak to my own response to Bubble's post but I can't stand it when someone extrapolates from their own experience in their own bubble in the world to a universal conclusion. It is crass and overused in this particular debate.

Thank you AnonyMan for ending our conversation so abruptly. It is so nice to be told when to stop debate

That's a bit harsh. I was arguing because I wrongly thought we disagreed about something, surely it's logical to stop once that is cleared up?

Because he suggested all men who say they don't watch porn are liars.

Thankfully you came to the rescue with data which suggests that 32% do not therefore my argument was valid based on the evidence you provided. Yes?

32% in that study watch it less than once a week, an unknown proportion of those possibly not at all.

The statement about liars was clearly just a hyperbolic way of saying all men watch porn. Given that it was hyperbolic, it is unreasonable to interpret it as meaning literally 100%. For the purposes of this thread, a reasonable interpretation would be more than 50%. (Unless you can think of a reason why it matters where between 51% and 99% the correct figure lies?)

I looked up traci lords and the media said she was manipulated into it and drugged not her. She made the choice herself. She lied to the companies to be able to do it she said the only ones she felt abused her were the reporters.

Personally OP I think you should have a chat with your DP and have a sensible conversation about it.

For me, I couldn't care less if my DH watched porn. It's a fantasy, doesn't mean he's going to act on it. Young teens I'd have an issue with. 'Of age' teens wouldn't bother me.

BubbleButt I think you made some good points personally

I'm also not sure why you feel the need to pick apart the fact someone disapproves of pornography

I didn't.

She gave a vociferous (repetitive and sarcastic) response to his post, from which I wrongly inferred that she disagreed that "all" men used porn. (Actually, checking back, he didn't say all, he did go on to say a few didn't) I agreed with what he had said therefore wanted to weigh in on his side of the argument. After further posts it has become clear to me that all three of us believe as close to the same thing as makes no difference.

I can't stand it when someone extrapolates from their own experience in their own bubble in the world to a universal conclusion

He said the vast majority of men use porn. His extrapolation was correct, and she agrees with it. I'm not sure why she would object to a generalisation that is factually accurate. Maybe for the same reason you do: I think you object because you don't like the conclusion, not, as you claim, because his argument fell below the intellectual standard set by the average Mumsnet post. (It didn't.) You've felt a negative emotion but assigned the wrong cause to it. (In my view "everyone" does this "all the time", so not meant to be a criticism. The bits in quotes are hyperbole, please do not take literally.)

"Anyway, we can drop this now."

A sarcastic response would have been "oh, we can can we?"
You advise me that was the end of the issue. I may have thought otherwise.

"32% in that study watch it less than once a week, an unknown proportion of those possibly not at all."

So there is an unknown. Therefore the "all men" premise cannot be deduced as true, so logically it would not be suitable for statistical analysis and cannot be determined as an argument based on reason.

"The statement about liars was clearly just a hyperbolic way of saying all men watch porn. Given that it was hyperbolic, it is unreasonable to interpret it as meaning literally 100%. For the purposes of this thread, a reasonable interpretation would be more than 50%. (Unless you can think of a reason why it matters where between 51% and 99% the correct figure lies?)"

I don't deal in exaggerations. Hyperbole is all well and good, but I don't feel I need to exaggerate in order to get my point across. Hyperbole is used as a persuasion technique. I am not persuading anyone. I am simply trying to ascertain facts.