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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if you drop a child off at their home you wait to see if they've got in the front door?

108 replies

ChaosTrulyReigns · 30/04/2014 20:20

It's only coutreoud isn't it?

Someone was due to drop off DD3 at 7.30pm, bit decided to come apporx 30 mins earlier.

And just dropped and drive off.

We were all in the back garden so couldn't hear the door bring knocked.

Ever the resourceful one, after knocking for a while, she climbed over the dude gate and joined us. To our looks of wtaf have you just come from?

Ffs.

Should I say anything or leave it? Im inclined to leave it btw as am quite non confrontational. But am saddened that she could've been hanging around on the drive fir 30mins.

OP posts:
AllDirections · 30/04/2014 21:36

I always watch my teen DD's friends go into the house and they're age 13-18.

DD3's friends, age 7, are all handed over to a parent and will be for a few years yet.

soontobeslendergirl · 30/04/2014 21:39

Bunbaker - the question wasn't about after dark though was it? We are talking here about an 11 year old at 7pm in the daylight.

I don't think that is thoughtless or inconsiderate. What I wouldn't do is drop them off before the pre arranged time and if the parents aren't in at the pre arranged time then that isn't me being thoughtless then is it? It's the parents.

Clearly i have no idea where the OP lives, where I live, it's perfectly fine for children that age and far younger to be out playing during daylight hours and also I wouldn't have my front door locked and expect an 11 year old to have to knock on their own door to get in. I frankly find that extremely odd and actually quite thoughtless and inconsiderate to treat your own child like a random stranger.

Bowlersarm · 30/04/2014 21:45

You would expect your 11 year old not to knock and just be able to walk into your house slendergirl? Are people just able to walk in? You must live in a crime less area.

Bunbaker · 30/04/2014 21:47

soon We always lock our front door, especially if we are in the garden. Because of the layout of our house it would be very easy for someone to come in without me knowing and nip upstairs while I was in the kitchen cooking.

Children do play out safely where we live and DD goes and calls for her friend (and goes round town on her own with friends), but her friends' parents always sees that she gets in the house before going away, and so do I. You just can't assume that all is fine.

And yes, I would still wait even in daylight, even in our naice village.

soontobeslendergirl · 30/04/2014 22:27

Bowlers, yes I would expect them to be able to walk in and yes, we live pretty much in a crime free area - the front door is only ever locked when we go to bed and even then we have been known to forget so maybe I am looking at this from a different angle. I've also been known to go to work and leave the door unlocked and a couple of times with the keys in the door!

The postie sometimes just rings and then pops parcels inside too.

soontobeslendergirl · 30/04/2014 22:36

See, I would think that wandering around town is a far more risky thing than being left on your own front door for half an hour, but maybe that's just me.

I live in a City btw not a village and I was brought up in a rough area in a larger city and we never locked our door either...and I mean never, as in I don't even think there was actually a key!

AllDirections · 30/04/2014 22:39

You would expect your 11 year old not to knock and just be able to walk into your house slendergirl? Are people just able to walk in? You must live in a crime less area.

My door is often not locked because I'm too lazy to keep answering it when the DC can't be bothered to get their key out forget their key. The stats say I live in an area with a high level of crime but I don't see it or hear of it Hmm

whois · 30/04/2014 22:42

I think you're being a bit U.

Surely this is why you has a key hidden somewhere safe in the back garden? So that they can climb over the side gate and get in the house!

ThatWasThat · 30/04/2014 23:30

Yes, of course I would wait to see a child of that age into their house and I would get out of the car to hand over a younger child to their parents.

This must be a one-off event, OP.

parentalunit · 30/04/2014 23:36

I thought it was the done thing to wait until the person has opened the door. ie not just taken out keys but actually OPENED the door.

I would be tempted to mention it to the person who dropped her off, unless it's an acquaintance who won't be responsible for her safety ever again.

Morloth · 30/04/2014 23:39

I watch adults I am dropping off to be sure they get in OK.

It is just what you do isn't it? Every person who has ever given me a lift home has waited until the door was open at least.

fortyplus · 30/04/2014 23:42

I always watch adult friends till they're safely through the door. My young adult sons have been trained to get out of the car and walk girlfriends to the door.

All this after I read a bloody awful court report about a chap who dropped his girlfriend off, drove away and a former boyfriend was hiding waiting for her and stabbed her to death.

soontobeslendergirl · 30/04/2014 23:43

I still don't get why someone who lives in the house and who is old enough to be out and not need escorted to the door (i.e. 10 upwards) would have to knock to be admitted. If you lock your door, surely they should have a key? I also don't see what the issue would be with being outside your own house for half an hour by yourself when you are 11. Forgive me if I get this wrong but if you are in England or Wales, will she not be going to High School this year?

Comparing it to dropping of a child or a teen or an adult at night or in the dark is totally different.

Presumably as the OP was out in the garden, it was a nice evening? In that case, my children at age 11 at 7pm would probably be away at the park or running about the streets with friends.

AskBasil · 30/04/2014 23:44

Oh of course you wait until they're inside the door, unless you know they've got keys.

Particularly if you know you're dropping off early and the parents might not be back for half an hour.

soontobeslendergirl · 30/04/2014 23:47

I still think they were unreasonable to drop her off so much earlier than the agreed time, but in principle I don't think it is unreasonable to drop and run in the circumstances described (had it been at the agreed time).

ZingWatermelon · 01/05/2014 00:07

YANBU

I call it "chain of custody"

lilola · 01/05/2014 00:24

yanbu. my dad always did this and I found it mortifying (why did it seem uncool to me?!) and used to hiss 'just DRIVE dad' but now that I'm not an easily embarrassed teen I completely agree with him/you

lilola · 01/05/2014 00:26

I never think to wait for adult friends though Blush maybe I'll start

bragmatic · 01/05/2014 01:44

At that age, I might drop and go. But if I was going to be early, I'd have called you first.

Morloth · 01/05/2014 01:53

I don't think it is necessary to wait for adult friends.

But I always do and it is quite a warm fuzzy feeling knowing that someone cares enough to ensure you are OK, even though it isn't necessary.

mimishimmi · 01/05/2014 02:06

What were the circumstances involved in your daughter being with them? Was she invited over? It sounds like a parent who was cross.

Louise1956 · 01/05/2014 06:30

I absolutely agree that you should wait and see the child in safely. I would never dream of just dumping a child outside its home and then going away.

ExCinnamon · 01/05/2014 06:33

If I know the child doesn't have a key, I wait.
Even with my teen's friends I wait until they have got inside, because I tend to drop them home after dark (from October until April).

I would expect it from my dc's friends as well and would mention it.

BerniesBurneze · 01/05/2014 07:08

The amount of times I lose keys... I never drop and go.

Deathraystare · 01/05/2014 07:18

I'm 54 and my brother gives me a lift on a Sunday down to my aunt's. He still insists on waiting until he can see she has let me in. Mind you she is a daft bat who, despite knowing someone is coming, same time as usual, will sometimes decide to go shopping, have a shower, do gardening. She won't give me a key though my brother has one!!

Joking aside, it is actually rude not to wait to see someone is opening the door to your kid and give them a wave or a beep before you go.Amazing how over protective parents can be except in this instance!!