To think we're too hung up about adults still living with parents

[Vintagejazz]

One of my friends is 38 and still lives in the family home with her parents. She's not a spoilt brat who still expects her washing done and her dinner ready when she gets home from work. She just gets on really well with her mum and dad and does not particularly want to move out to a flat on her own, and can't afford to buy a house in any kind of half decent area. She contributes to the household budget, helps her parents (who are getting on in years) a lot, and all three of them are happy with the arrangement.
But some people comment on it in a sad kind of way, shaking their heads and wondering when she's going to move out. My friend is aware of this and asked me recently if people think she's 'sad' to be still at home.

AIBU to think we've become very hung up about this sort of thing. Years ago it was quite common for several generations of one family to live in the same house. Now we have lots of lonely people of different generations reluctantly living on their own because there's a kind of taboo about adults not having moved out by the time they're about 25. Obviously there's lots of people who love living alone. But it's not every one's cup of tea so why can't people accept that and stop passing comments?

This is getting rather silly. Night, sleep tight. yaaaaaaaawwwnn

She's not being pedantic though is she? Its not pedantic to want to stick to the facts. Pedantic means "excessively concerned with minor details or rules" but its not a minor detail that only 1 person on this thread has said they would shoo their son or daughter out at 18.

But where did I actually say that anyone else had 'said' that, seeing as we're 'sticking to the facts'?

Damn, was just off to bed.

Yes, all this talk of non existent children and claims of pedantry to excuse a complete lack of substance is rather silly. Night night.

if I had a big house paid for and my child or children had left home I would rather downsize and help them with a deposit

beat that for being the best parent

What non existent children? Has this whole thread been a mirage?
That would explain some of your posts.
Night.

Okay, you get the medal freudian [snatches it back from Sirchenjin's claws].

I don't care if I live with my elderly Mum or she lives with us,when she starts to get frail, just so long as she doesn't end up in one of those awful care homes I keep hearing about. I also don't give a fig what anyone thinks of me, so long as I don't have to worry that she'll be stripped of her dignity after a lifetime of being such a good parent to me.

Anyone who wants to argue with that can take it up with DS .

I think realistically more of us are going to have to accept intergenerational living whether we want to or not in years to come if the gap between earnings and houseprices continues to grow. I don't have a fanastic pension pot sitting at the end of the rainbow waiting for me either.

I was the one who said my kids would be made to leave when they were 18! I don't mean booted out forever on the stroke of midnight on their 18th birthday but I would like to think they'll bugger off to university at 18 & only be home for holidays & be gone permanently by their mid-early 20s.

We stayed with my MIL for 12 weeks while we were renovating recently - we paid all the bills for the household (Sky, electricity, groceries, internet etc) so we definitely weren't bludging, though it was certainly easier admin-wise than getting a short term rental.

NEVER again. I don't know how people live with their parents. My exprience may not be typical but even when contributing (a lot) to the household, I was conscious it wasn't mine. I can't imagine living my 20's under my parents' nose, crashing in the door on a Sunday morning at 6am. I would never have been able to bring a boyfriend home or have a party. It's just weird when you should be finding your independence as an adult.

Mine were both out before they were 20
Result! :o

I immediately sold the family home and moved into a teeny tiny flat, just to completely squash any notions they may have held of moving in with me.

Wild horses wouldn't make me live with my adult children, I relish the solitude.

I am 24 who returned home after five years away due to circumstances. I'm desperate to get out again and look forward my moving out day! Everyone else I know - albeit those who are given property to look after or parents brought it for them - is at home as well.
Even if I am going to be worse off long term, I just have to move out even if I miss out on all the advantages that living at home brings such as saving up for a house deposit etc
The house is big, but I just feel like its damaging to independence even though I am a adult. At the end of the day I still live at home. Other things also such as sex - no chance I bring any boyfriend back here as it is far too embarrassing
It's so important to have independence and self-sufficiency in life, living at home until your thirties/forties is a excuse unless excruciating circumstances mean it is necessary e.g unemployed/illness.
Its understandable if a family business on site, one of these property renovations or one of the houses mentioned here where everyone has their own flat.
But still everyone needs to learn the skills to be able to cope with life as the longer you go without them, how on earth will you cope with the realities of bills/rent?

sorry for long message!

It will work out very well for them if her parents require residential care.

So long as everyone is happy I see no harm in it.