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AIBU?

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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Nursery went home and left dd!

999 replies

lookingfortheanswer · 28/04/2014 18:36

Posting here for traffic, I don't have an aibu.

Went to pick up dd from nursery this afternoon and found the whole place locked up and nobody there. After frantically calling, banging on doors, checking nobody else had picked her up we managed to contact the neighbouring school. The staff who were still there were amazing, helped us to get into the building where we found dd on the toilet, on her own, lights off and doors closed, staff gone home. It took us half an hour to get in so she was there at least that long. She was obviously very upset but is now home and fine and drinking lemonade as a treat while I try to stop shaking.

Obviously this is a huge safeguarding issue and there is no way she is going back. The head of the neighbouring school has been in touch and is organising a meeting for the morning.

Any advice on where to go from here, who to complain to? Should we get legal advice? I am so so angry!

OP posts:
TalkinPeace · 29/04/2014 15:07

Mintyy
I would very much hope that the Nursery have NOT YET GIVEN AN EXPLANATION
because it was less than 24 hours ago and they are highly unlikely to be in possession of the full facts.

FFS
rushing to the press with a half cocked half story will just ADD to stress

and I repeat
what nursery will take OPs DD in if she is known as somebody who hangs them out in public before Ofsted, the LEA and the manager have had a chance to work out what went wrong?

Mintyy · 29/04/2014 15:13

I'm not suggesting she goes to the press, calm down.

Surely they must have given some explanation even if they are not in possession of all the facts. It sounds like one of those simple oversights that checklists and procedures are supposed to eliminate.

edamsavestheday · 29/04/2014 15:14

I'm sorry Talkin but I think it would be appalling if other nurseries shunned the OP's dd because OP told the truth about the nursery's negligence. Everyone has the right to speak about their own direct experience without being muzzled or punished.

ScrambledSmegs · 29/04/2014 15:15

I'm so sorry you've had such an awful shock, OP, and that your DD had such a frightening experience. Thanks. I hope you and DD are looking after yourselves today.

I would echo other posters saying hold off on going to the papers, for your own sake. I think the best course of action re: the nursery is for you to tell them that you would appreciate it if they could issue a statement to the parents about the events of yesterday before it gets spread as rumour and gossip, which normally gets exaggerated wildly. They can then say what they are doing to ensure that yesterday's events never happen again.

VanGogh · 29/04/2014 15:16

I was left by family and friends in a friend's home. Big family gathering. All the adults (x8) and children (x17) were going for a big long walk. My DM was looking after my baby DB and my DF was apparently looking after me. I three. I had gone to the toilet for a "wee before a walk" and by the time I came out everything was dark and quiet and being three I knew that I had been left. I can still remember it. I sobbed for an hour sat on the floor looking out of the full length window with the nets behind me until I was found. Your OP was shockingly emotive for me.

Lots and lots of cuddles for your DD. She's younger and so will probably be absolutely unscathed by this. Thanks and Cake

I can't believe the nursery are open and parents uninformed. It's just devastatingly wrong. If a business makes a serious error, customers should be made aware.

Thumbwitch · 29/04/2014 15:18

edam, you're right, it would be appalling but it could still happen, nonetheless. No one likes whistleblowers, even if their own set up is exemplary.

TalkinPeace · 29/04/2014 15:20

Everyone has the right to speak about their own direct experience without being muzzled or punished.
HA HA HA
Tell that to the Doctors and health workers and teachers and civil servants and other employees who get persecuted for whistle blowing.

My point is that
there are lessons to be learned from this system failing
luckily nobody was harmed
but lessons will only be learned if the investigation and corrections are able to take place in a calm and professional atmosphere with whichever staff made errors able to learn from them rather than being vilified

Wantsunshine · 29/04/2014 15:21

I do not think the nursery need to be in possession of the full facts prior to making a statement to the parents. A brief we have had an issue which is under extensive investigation and more details will be issued statement is what is needed.
This is where so many places go wrong. They say nothing claiming they were awaiting a full investigation. People find out and cover ups are assumed that the place was trying to brush it under the carpet.
So yes Talkinpeace 24 hours is plenty of time.

LookingThroughTheFog · 29/04/2014 15:21

TalkinPeace, I mostly agree with what you're saying, but I don't think it would be too much to ask for the nursery to send a stop-gap letter as suggested upthread - there was an incident, our priority is the safety and wellbeing of those involved while we are looking into it, and we will keep parents fully informed of the results of our (or the LEA) investigation as soon as we are able.

DS was involved in a pretty horrendous incident at his primary school last year. The children told half-stories to their parents (obviously not going to be an issue here), and I was mobbed by parents wanting to know the juicy details while I repeated over and over that I just wanted to concentrate on DS. There wasn't a word from the school for help or support. Within a couple of days, there were witchhunts going on and people baying for the blood of whom they (erroneously) thought were the main perpetrators. Children were withdrawn from the school.

I spent the best part of a week in tears because everyone was looking tome to moderate all of this bullshit, or cast judgement on various young children. It was really awful. And all anyone got from the school was a wall of silence, which just made people panic more and more.

In the end, the Head was toppled, and this year we've got someone significantly more open and sensible.

I agree about the press - when you've gone there, the story is beyond your control, but I feel strongly that the nursery should be made to say something. If not, the LEA or Ofsted need to step in and make that happen.

edamsavestheday · 29/04/2014 15:22

Talkin, OP is not an employee. I know full well that whistleblowers in the NHS and other public services are treated dreadfully but this is an entirely different situation.

SleepNBooties · 29/04/2014 15:32

For all we know an interim letter to parents has already been printed out and is in half of the kids backpacks!

WilsonFrickett · 29/04/2014 15:39

TiP I think your point about another nursery not talking OP's DD is scaremongering. They'll take her money. That's what nurseries do. She also won't be the only parent looking for a place once this breaks.

While I don't think going to the press would necessarily be helpful, it is the OPs right to do what she likes with the information she has. And if the nursery is being less than 100% transparent with parents (which from her latest update seems likely) then she will I think be more encouraged to go to the press. And that won't be her 'fault' - it will be because nursery has handled an already terrible situation very poorly.

I believe parents have a right to know about serious safeguarding issues in their children's place of care, and nothing is going to sway me from that pov.

Lambzig · 29/04/2014 15:40

The OP said that the nursery told her they were not intending to tell parents. Appalling.

The nursery DD used to go to had a very very unfortunate thing happen. They emailed all parents that evening, called OFSTED in themselves and continued to inform parents via email of findings and procedure changes. It did make the national press.

My initial instinct was to whip DD away, but DH thought it would be super safe after the incident and we were both impressed by how the nursery handled it all.

I agree don't go to the press, but am horrified they don't plan to tell parents.

Glad you are all doing OK today OP.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/04/2014 15:57

I know kam zig, if I were op I would inform tge LEA and Ofstead that tge nurseries response was unsatisfactory, and ask them to ensure that the nursery informs the parents by letter of this incident.

ICanSeeTheSun · 29/04/2014 16:12

As a parent I would say as the nursery is keeping quiet and no informing me, I would be more inclined to take DC out.

Admitting the fault telling me what they plan to do and keeping communication would put me at ease.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 29/04/2014 16:19

Ofsted will probably advise the nursery re communication.

BumpAndGrind · 29/04/2014 16:20

MNHQ have said you are on the level and I did say I would apologise should that be the case.

But if you quietly reported and waited for MNHQ to confirm that for you before shouting the odds, then no apology would have been needed and a lot of heartache avoided.

FobblyWoof · 29/04/2014 16:26

Thanks for updating- I'm glad that your DD seems to be ok. I have a DD the same age and I just can't imagine.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 29/04/2014 16:26

Agree with everyone saying that the parents need to know there has been an incident. People react very badly to a culture of silence and cover ups. Surely this is basic knowledge?

Why would anyone feel safe about giving their children over to a bunch of people who have somehow made an incredibly serious mistake but won't talk about it or reassure anyone?

Groovee · 29/04/2014 16:27

Thanks for the update OP. Hope you can sort something out for your dd soon.

FunnyFoot · 29/04/2014 16:32

Bump I have no problem apologising.
I said I would and I have.

lunar1 · 29/04/2014 16:32

I wonder what else happens that the nursery doesn't tell parents!

Suttonmum1 · 29/04/2014 16:35

Please do not got to the press. When your daughter is older and googles herself, or her classmates do, then this will all come up.
Surely you want to remain in charge of that information.

Goldmandra · 29/04/2014 16:37

Bump I have no problem apologising.
I said I would and I have.

A willingness to apologise is does not excuse you doing wrong by people in the first place.

The MN guidelines are there for good reasons. The idea is that we all abide by them, not that we post whatever the hell we like, see if it gets deleted then apologise when it's apparent that we made misjudgements.

HavannaSlife · 29/04/2014 16:38

This is awful,I once had a phone call from exh to say he'd arrived at the nursery to pick up ds2 and it was closed and noone there.

The idiot had fallen asleep and was 10 mins late. He was living with his mum at the time and she had gone and picked ds2 up.

It really was the longest 15 minutes of my life.

My grandad once left dsis in cash and carry, he got home and dm asked where she was. She was fine, staff had her and had given her sweets and a teddy. She was almost 3 and doesn't remember it.

I'm glad your dd is ok

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