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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

partner drinking a bottle of wine while 'babysitting'

153 replies

newmum000 · 27/04/2014 20:19

Out for the first time since baby was born (5 months old). Only out from 8.15-11.15pm. Partner drinks a bottle of wine while at home looking after our little one (she took a while to get to sleep but did go down eventually, apparently - I'm sure he mainly drank the bottle after she was in bed).

AIBU to be p*ssed off?

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 28/04/2014 22:04

Can you elaborate, expat?

sarinka · 28/04/2014 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tweasels · 28/04/2014 22:31

Grin sarinka it seems you are the prickly one.

You appear to be projecting your unhappiness onto others. I'm sorry you grew up with an alcoholic. That can't have been nice but there is no need for such a huge over reaction.

Not all people who enjoy drinking are alcoholics.

sarinka · 28/04/2014 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crazykat · 28/04/2014 22:36

I think it depends how that much wine affects him. I've drank three bottles of bulmers cider while I've been home alone with our DCs and it makes me slightly tipsy but I'm still sober enough to wade through my psychology text book. My best friend however would be slurring her words. I don't normally drink much fwiw, it probably averages out that I drink four units a month.

If, god forbid, anything happened to one of the DCs and they needed a&e or ooh GP, I'd call my dad/ambulance/taxi, I'd have to do that if I hadn't had a drink for a week anyway as I don't drive.

Personally I wouldn't have a problem with it so long as he was still able to deal with any problems.

Obviously if he drinks too much all the time this needs addressing, but as a one off then I can't see a problem.

Shewhowines · 28/04/2014 22:42

When I was younger and used to party a lot, I was careful never to drink alone as I thought that was a bit too slippery slopeish. Now I am older and far more sensible, I know that the occasional bottle of wine with friends or on my own, will not make me an alcoholic. I can take it or leave it and make sensible choices regarding my drinking.

I probably don't normally drink much more than the recommended limits, but I can't see the problem of drinking with small children, as long as you know that you can react to an emergency. Getting drunk is not a good idea, but where that drunken line is, is relative!

TheoneFKAMNwidowed · 28/04/2014 22:50

Couldn't agree with you more sarinka. It makes me really chuckle when I tell people I don't drink and with an amazed face I get the reply "how do you enjoy yourself then?" I'm sure i don't need to explain that question to anybody.

AnyFucker · 28/04/2014 23:14

I agree that there is some denial on this thread. It never ends well though when you try and point it out. People do like to keep their problem drinking in perspective. Their own perspective, that is.

< have been there, so I know how it goes >

softlysoftly · 29/04/2014 00:29

True Anyfucker. And the rule seems to be if you are sober enough to dial 999 then no problems!

Except when looking after a 5 month old they are unlikely to stay in bed and have absolutely no needs to be seen to. Hmm

meandcoffeeequalhappy · 29/04/2014 06:59

If an adult was in sole care of a 5 month old and drank a bottle of wine in 3 hours, that would piss the hell out of me. In my book it is not ok. And it is not the same as looking after older children. What if he decided to fall asleep with baby on sofa and you found them there. It happens. And that is a problem. Or loses his rag with a screaming/vomiting/pooing baby because he is under the influence and not thinking straight.

AskBasil · 29/04/2014 07:17

I love drinking wine.

LOVE it, it's fab.

But I know the difference between "a couple of glasses" and a whole bottle of wine.

One is normal drinking and perfectly acceptable while looking after a baby and the other is a binge and unsafe and unacceptable. People who can't see the difference probably have a bit of an unhealthy approach to drinking alcohol.

Forago · 29/04/2014 07:22

again, as a happy drinker out of the home, I feel I need to point out again that being sober enough to dial 999 is one thing. Then turning up at A&E clearly under the influence with small children results in a social services referral.

MinesAPintOfTea · 29/04/2014 08:02

I will happy share a bottle of wine once or twice a week. And if dh is away I sometimes have a glass of wine (125ml not 1/3 of a bottle) or a drop of Baileys in a hot chocolate once ds is in bed. But polishing a bottle off in a couple of hours when in sole charge is irresponsible and might be indicative of wider drinking problems.

Cat2014 · 29/04/2014 08:17

The fact that the baby is so young makes a difference here imo.

whatever5 · 29/04/2014 08:26

Although I would agree that women can't drink a bottle of wine and still be responsible (unless they are very tolerant), I think many men could especially larger ones who drink often.

whatever5 · 29/04/2014 09:13

I love it when people who don't like alcohol anyway are so self righteous about drinking alone, have a glass of wine while in charge of a small child. As if you would know what is and isn't reasonable!

Forago · 29/04/2014 09:35

I love alcohol and would quite happily have wine with dinner, a beer in the garden at the weekend etc. I drink when out at night when the children are at home with my DP - who often has a beer or 2. I don't ever feel the need to drink when I'm on my own in the house as it is more of a social thing for me. equally don't see the problem with a glass or 2 of wine with your other half in the evening.

I do think its irresponsible to get over the drink driving limit when in sole charge of young children though and i wont be apologising for this anytime soon. agree about the denial - see it very day (own family member included). I also see women who state they can drink a bottle of white wine on their own without being affected, and, when you call round unexpectedly in the evening to pick something up or whatever they are quite clearly affected. its bollocks.

softlysoftly · 29/04/2014 09:37

Whatever and I love it when a poster totally disregards the fact lots of other posters enjoy alcohol just responsibly and dismisses anyone's concerns as being anti alcohol.

whatever5 · 29/04/2014 10:03

Softlysoftly I wasn't commenting on the posters who enjoy alcohol sensibly though. I was commenting on those who think that you can't touch a drop (e.g. one or two glasses of wine) when the children are in bed or those who think someone has a drinking problem just because they enjoy a glass of wine by by themselves.

sarinka · 29/04/2014 10:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whatever5 · 29/04/2014 10:50

Sarinka- I know that the OP is talking about a bottle of wine which I agree is too much. However, the some posters have suggested that it is irresponsible to drink any wine when in charge of children who are in bed which is completely over the top. I also think it is ridiculous to suggest (as some posters have) that people who enjoy a glass of wine when alone have a drinking problem.

Your last comment is very presumptuous. The words of strangers on a screen don't annoy me and nobody drinks less than me including you as I don't drink at all (due to medication that affects liver function)

TheoneFKAMNwidowed · 29/04/2014 18:33

Why does anyone feel the need drink alcohol at all when in charge of kids. If you feel like you have to have a glass then you have to seriously consider whether you have an addiction. Being reliant on something is an addiction. You cannot get away with it, whatever excuses you use, the scientific fact is that it is a depressant and it alters the effects of your brain causing your reactions or intuition and other brain stuff to become erratic. Why would anyone want to purposely put their children into that situation. Its absolutely mind boggling and worrying I think. I'm not anti alcohol but there is a time and a place for it. Just another point, how many of you here would take cocaine while looking after the kids. They are both drugs just that one is legal and the other is illegal.

cosikitty · 29/04/2014 18:54

What harm is the dad drinking going to do the child while they are asleep?

Honestly, what is the likelihood that a few drinks will make any difference to any emegency?
5 month old babies, or even older children for that matter, don't often develop unexpected, emergency situations while asleep in their cots.
Even if they did become ill, a few glasses of wine won't render most adults incapapable of dealing with whatever it is!
Those of you that think there must always be a stone cold sober adult present at all times, do you never share a bottle of wine with your partner when the kids are in bed. How sad to need to take it it turns.
I don't drink often, but if I fancy a drink I have one, and so would DH, we don't drink to excess but have both been known to be a bit merry at the same time.

MinesAPintOfTea · 29/04/2014 19:35

Cosi a bottle is 6 normal glasses of wine. That's not a few and will have an effect on decision-making.

whatever5 · 29/04/2014 19:58

Why does anyone feel the need drink alcohol at all when in charge of kids.

Most people who have a glass or two of wine when the children are in bed do so just because they like the taste, not because they need it. People who are used to drinking moderately don't suddenly become incapacitated after a glass of wine so there is no need to abstain completely just because children are in the house.