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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

partner drinking a bottle of wine while 'babysitting'

153 replies

newmum000 · 27/04/2014 20:19

Out for the first time since baby was born (5 months old). Only out from 8.15-11.15pm. Partner drinks a bottle of wine while at home looking after our little one (she took a while to get to sleep but did go down eventually, apparently - I'm sure he mainly drank the bottle after she was in bed).

AIBU to be p*ssed off?

OP posts:
deakymom · 27/04/2014 22:59

if my husband drank a bottle of wine he would fall asleep i would not be impressed at all tbh

deakymom · 27/04/2014 23:00

ummm i don't drink when im in sole charge of the children yes it is possible to stay sober alcohol is not life or death you dont need it to live Confused

CrotchMaven · 27/04/2014 23:06

Why is there all this ambulance talk? It's not a service for pissed parents.

Anyway, it's not about dire emergencies, it's about impaired judgement. Like you would be worried about if your babysitter was half cut.

AnyFucker · 27/04/2014 23:11

I like a drink like the next person, but tbh if I had to rely on the 999 service to transport my child in a (semi) emergency because of my drinking habits, I would be questioning myself pretty closely

honeycrest · 27/04/2014 23:14

I don't see a problem with having a couple of glasses of wine whilst your kids are in bed. It is possible to enjoy a drink without being so impaired that you are unable to attend to your children's needs. Obviously getting drunk is a no no.

Why do people always say 'oh but you won't be able to drive in case of an emergency'?! I don't drive full stop so I must be a terribly irresponsible parent.

CrotchMaven · 27/04/2014 23:18

There are 6 standard glasses of wine in a bottle.

It's not about driving, it's about judgement.

Anyone want a babysitter who brings a bottle of wine to polish off whilst watching your kids? Really?

BackforGood · 27/04/2014 23:32

Crotch has just beaten me to it, so I'll reiterate for those people with oversized glasses on P2 - a whole bottle of wine is 6 units or 6 measures, or what always used to be 6 pub sized glasses. the fact the glasses you have might be twice the size of this doesn't detract from the fact it's still 6 units of wine, which he drank in 3 hours.
If that doesn't impact on you, then you must be drinking quite heavily in life - which in itself is a separate issue.
I don't have a problem with any parent having a couple of drinks in the evening though - the likelihood of you having to suddenly drive is pretty slim, and there are alternatives if you did actually suddenly have to go to an out of hours DRs or A&E.

Tweasels · 27/04/2014 23:38

This isn't a babysitter though is it. It's the father of the child who no doubt loves his child and would not put him/her in danger.

Alcohol affects people in different ways according to a number of factors. Just because you or your DH would be pissed and have impaired judgement on a bottle of wine doesn't mean the OP's husband was. And, she has never said whether he was pissed or not; just that he drank a bottle of wine. Was the wine 9% or 14%? Does he weigh 10 stone or 16 stone. These factors would make a huge amount of difference in terms of judgement. Whether he can drive or not is irrelevent. He might not have a licence anyway.

The OP has been entirely vague and jumped back and forth and at no point has been clear about whether he was impaired by what he had to drink or not.

AnyFucker · 27/04/2014 23:42

Very true, tweasels, which is why I said way upthread OP needs to decide that her problem is

I think she has one with how much her partner drinks and his respect of her, but she remains unclear

Tweasels · 27/04/2014 23:43

It's 9 units BackForGood or most wine is any way. The same as having 3 pints of 5% lager or 3 double G&T's.

Tweasels · 27/04/2014 23:46

Totally agree AF.

NurseyWursey · 27/04/2014 23:46

Christ I need more than a bottle of wine to get me drunk, according to people on here that would make me an alcoholic Hmm I'm far from it! Just have a high tolerance.

AnyFucker · 27/04/2014 23:49

Nobody is making pronouncements about what constitutes an alcoholic

Nursey, if you drunk a bottle of wine in sole charge of young children I would judge you, and many people would (whether that was as a regular pattern of drinking or not)

BackforGood · 27/04/2014 23:52

Thank you Tweasels - you are right of course. I was forgetting wine now contains a much higher % of alcohol than it used to. Of course, that makes the point even more strongly about that being a lot of alcohol to consume without it impacting on you Smile

NurseyWursey · 27/04/2014 23:52

Really AF? I've read it at least once that a bottle having little effect means you have a problem. I'd post the quotes but off to bed now.

And I wouldn't do that myself, but what I am saying is one bottle of wine is another's two.

AnyFucker · 27/04/2014 23:54

it's all kinda academic though when you are in sole charge of tiny children

let's make the comparison about how incapable we are after one versus two bottles when we are child and fancy free, yeah ?

NurseyWursey · 27/04/2014 23:54

Or vice versa

AnyFucker · 27/04/2014 23:55

indeed

NurseyWursey · 27/04/2014 23:56

X posts.

Well AF I would expect a parent to be responsible enough to know their limits by the time they have children. Only that person can make an informed decision - unless they has a drinking problem, which I'm not entirely sure the OP's DH has got or not from this thread it's a bit confusing.

Anyway goodnight everyone

softlysoftly · 28/04/2014 00:01

I'll hands up and say to Nursey I said if a full bottle has no affect on you then that's an issue. I don't believe that some people have a natural ability to metabolise alcohol to that extent.

So you are either drinking very regularly to build up a tolerance or kidding yourself that it hasn't changed your capabilities at all.

Could you drive after a full bottle? Honestly? If the answer is no then you shouldn't be in charge of a baby either. Kids maybe yes. Dependent baby no.

I didn't say it automatically made you an alchy, though I did say that type of alcoholism is a growing problem. The "just a bottle to wind down" every night crowd.

Tweasels · 28/04/2014 00:17

With respect softlysoftly. I don't think it always has to do with how often/much you drink but your body weight. I used to be 4 stone heavier and I assure you I could drink a bottle of wine and not feel pissed at all. I wouldn't drive a car because I wouldn't take the risk of being over the limit but I would have felt perfectly capable to. I didn't drink particularly regularly either.

Now I'm lighter I would feel tipsy after a bottle of wine but not as drunk as maybe my friend who weighs 8 stone would be.

None of this really matters of course because drinking heavily is no good for anyone and I'm not defending it. I'm just trying to get the point across that it's not black and white.

NurseyWursey · 28/04/2014 10:11

I drank a lot in my teens but I'm now 25 and drink once a fortnight if that. So no I'm not 'kidding' myself. Trust me I wish a bottle would be enough as it would save me money :) and I don't drive so can't compare.

I'm 12 stone 5,5 though so that may be why? I don't know. But making sweeping comments about people having drinking problems is wrong.

Forago · 28/04/2014 10:27

I find this dodgy but know lots that do it once the kids are in bed. I am not a big drinker (at home) so easy for me to say but I prefer to keep a clear head in the evenings at home - if only to get all the bloody school preparation, laundry, packed lunches etc done.

99% of the time it's no big deal I guess as long as they can handle it and still get up in the morning and get to work and get the children to school with all the right bits of kit etc.

However, an acquaintance I knew was a big white wine drinker - at least one a night, sometimes a second. She couldn't really handle drink and used to get really plastered towards the end of the evening - slurring, staggering. One time she went outside for a cigarette, tripped and fell through the glass patio doors. Her dc came down in the dark as he heard her crying, also tripped, landed on the glass. All were taken to hospital (other kids too). Her ex used it against her in divorce proceedings and SS were involved. This is a woman that holds down a good job etc.

Similarly, another woman I know crashed her landrover on the school run and mounted the pavement, hit a guy sitting outside a café and broke his leg. DC were in the car. She was prosecuted as was still over the limit from a bottle of wine the night before.

Really puts me off the mummy bottle of wine in the evening time (that and the amount of calories in a bottle of white wine). I always think what if a child is ill and you are alone and have to call an ambulance or drive to the hospital.

IdaClair · 28/04/2014 11:19

I must be the only one that gets a bottle of wine in for babysitters then.

Mybellyisaneasteregg · 28/04/2014 12:07

I think a bottle is too much.

But I don't think drinking over the driving limit is a problem necessarily, as he could always catch a cab with the dc if necessary. Which is what people who don't drive would do anyway if their child was ill etc Hmm

He should stay in control however and maintain a decent level of responsibility.