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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why people are so often against co sleeping?

303 replies

pigluscious · 27/04/2014 19:07

Maybe I'm a silly lentil weaving hippy, but I really don't understand why people are so obsessed with getting little babies to sleep on their own, and to settle themselves. What on earth is wrong with rocking/feeding to sleep and then tucking your child in (following all the safety advice) next to you?
AIBU?

OP posts:
thebodydoestricks · 27/04/2014 22:34

Well personally I couldn't have given a crap about parenting strategies, philosophy or anyone else's opinion.

Sleep sleep sleep is the God to parents of small children.

My youngest is now 14, she would probably rather stick pins In her eyes than crawl into our bed. Although she spent years sneaking in between us as did her older siblings.

Do what you have to do to survive and fuck what anyone else does.

mrsbug · 27/04/2014 22:36

Although I did enjoy snuggling up to dd when she was in bed with me

Falconi · 27/04/2014 22:36

Hi.
I didn't RTFT but I can proudly say that my DD started to sleep on her own bed at her own bedroom yesterday for the first time in 7 years of her life. That was a Birthday Deal. I tried the B'day Deal at 4, 5 and 6. Worked now at 7.

I miss her a lot on our bed BUT, the bed is too small for the 3 of us, and it is king size.

We don't regret it and thoroughly enjoyed 7 years of co-sleeping.
But I woke up much better this morning though.

Original poster
pigluscious · 27/04/2014 22:41

Again, apologies for sounding holier than thou, will again say that I have perhaps not been being as moderate as I should have been. What you people are all ignoring is the fact that I keep expressing my desire to find out how others feel about this stuff. I'm not a total idiot, of course I know that what works for one does not work for another, and like most reasonable people I don't believe that my way is always best!

bun I'm sure you have at least a vague idea of what attatchment parenting is if you know how it makes you feel. I don't think it implies anything negative about how others parent. I could equally suggest that someone who puts Gina fords advice(for example)in to practise thinks I'm a lazy parent.

OP posts:
MrsBungle · 27/04/2014 22:43

Both of mine slept in a Moses basket or cot right beside my bed so that I could reach out and touch them - I never classes that as co-sleeping.

On quite a few occasions they slept in my bed (at which point dh would promptly go to the spare room for fear if crushing them). I really tried not to do it as I fell asleep loads of times whilst breast feeding and I'd wake with a terrified jolt not knowing where baby was - if they were in my bed of if I'd put them back in the cot. I never felt safe with them in my bed and I was a breast feeding non alcohol/drug taker.

howrudeforme · 27/04/2014 22:46

I think that co sleeping and attachment parenting is some UK thing. In the many very countries in the world that do it as a matter of course it's NOT called attachment parenting - it's just called parenting.

Original poster
pigluscious · 27/04/2014 22:51

Thanks bertie. You appear to have my number! This was also not intended to be an AP debate, and when I made reference to mumsnetters dislike APers, it is because I have observed a relatively negative attitude towards people who use this phrase.

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 27/04/2014 22:56

I think it is the phrase that annoys people rather then the method. I admit that I have a dislike of labels for any kind of parenting because of the implications they bring. I would like to think that we all do our best (without necessitating the need for labels)

thebodydoestricks · 27/04/2014 22:57

Op never heard/cared and still don't about AP. It's great if it's for you but really who cares? No one in RL.

Equally if you woks to be an AP then good on you!

Do what you have to do to get sleep and relax.

It really doesn't matter.

thebodydoestricks · 27/04/2014 23:00

To add if you do know people who actually do identify themselves as AP or not or any other philosophy? etc then get other friends.

They are boring.

Squitten · 27/04/2014 23:03

I co-slept with DS2 and am doing it again with DD. We don't breed sleepers, I'm BF and it's the only way to preserve my sanity. There are nights I'd give a lot for some space and a good sleep though!

There are no perfect solutions. Just a lot of parents bumbling through as best we can.

Catsize · 27/04/2014 23:03

YANBU. I co-slept with my son. Who went into his own bed, without issues, at 13mths.

There was an initial battle to get him to sleep in a crib, but then I decided to trust my instincts, and co-slept.

Now co-sleeping with 9wk old daughter.

I believe co-sleeping is in a child's best interests, and has made my life easier too as a bonus - could/can breastfeed lying down in bed, the baby didn't and doesn't cry at night, and I can stay warm and toasty in bed!

It has been my favourite parenting decision. I feel sorry for those who miss out on moments we have enjoyed.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 27/04/2014 23:10

I'm not against it as such but I do feel a small panic at the thought of a grown adult next to a tiny newborn and wonder how it all works. I'm sure I will feel differently if I am ever able to have a tiny newborn of my own. I know that safe co-sleeping obviously does exist but I suppose the concept is quite abstract to me.

FrameyMcFrame · 27/04/2014 23:12

Co sleeping is safe, trust your instincts as a mammal rather than listening to 'advice' which is constantly changing.

itsbetterthanabox · 27/04/2014 23:13

I'm against because it is very dangerous. It increases the risk of cot death and that scares me.

Bunbaker · 27/04/2014 23:15

"I feel sorry for those who miss out on moments we have enjoyed."

There is no need because we don't feel we have missed out on anything. I couldn't feed lying down so that benefit didn't exist for me.

magpiegin · 27/04/2014 23:17

I am currently pregnant with my first child. I am not planning on co sleeping for the pure reason that my husband and I don't want to but I am not daft enough to think we may not ever change our minds.

Each to their own. Each parent needs to decide what is best for them and their child.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 27/04/2014 23:21

I had the worst sleep deprivation with ds1 ever, he was in a moses basket beside the bed - he was constantly wanking and crying. For my next two babies, I just seemed to drift into (safe) co-sleeping and it was lovely. One of my cosiest, snuggliest parenting memories Smile And much more sleep.

But dh and I aren't overweight, smokers, drinkers etc - and I would never put baby between dh and I - pillow out of baby's way, well above duvet etc etc. I think I slept lighter, but longer if that makes sense. I tended to wake in the same position as I fell asleep - ie. cradling baby to breast, on my side.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 27/04/2014 23:22

OFGS! *waking and crying!!!
Blush

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 27/04/2014 23:23

I'm going to crawl off and die now....

Original poster
pigluscious · 27/04/2014 23:26

sabrina hahahahaha! I just snorted at that and disturbed my daughter!

OP posts:
Original poster
pigluscious · 27/04/2014 23:28

(Massively inappropriate but still quietly chuckling. Kudos on the most awkward typo ever!)

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 27/04/2014 23:28

He started early!

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 27/04/2014 23:33

Worst typo ever Blush Grin

phalanges · 27/04/2014 23:34

I co-slept with mine and it was lovely. No sitting up to breast feed, no lost sleep - it made it all very easy.

10 years ago we were told it decreased the cot death risk.