To have got really fucking annoyed with customers in a shop?

[PavlovtheCat]

Well, I bloody well know I wasn't actually, I am so fucking upset and furious that we live in a world where there are so many people who will not help others, and no cost to themselves, so I just need to vent.

I was in a new Pound Stretcher opened in a retail park as DH told me they had some reasonably priced storage baskets. It was an absolute scrum in there, so many people and really unorganised, boxes piled in the aisles, hardly able to walk past people who had stopped to pick things off shelves.

At one point I walked, (with my crutch as I have a problem with my lower spine which affects my mobility) behind a man in a wheelchair, with boxes stacked at the side so I could not walk past him with the pull-along trolley that I had to take off DD at one point to stop her from hitting people's ankles.

In the final 'corridor' which is huge, there are a pile of lamps on the bottom shelf, just sort of thrown there in no order, wires hanging off the shelf. I was a way off, and heard a smash. turned to see the guy in the wheelchair, who had a full basket on his lap had run over/somehow pulled off some lamps from the shelf, just as he reached the start of a really fucking long queue (seriously long, about 35 people deep, some couples/children so a good 50 people in front of him). He didn't seem to notice at first, or didn't realise a lamp had broken and carried on to get in the queue. Whatever, regardless, there were several people who Just fucking overtook him and got into the queue, having seen what had happened, walking past the broken lamp and two other lamps on the floor. He had by this point turned around in his wheelchair, with no hands free really as he had a full basket, went back and started to try and pick these lamps up, leaning over in his wheelchair, looking around at people with hopeful eyes and clearly feeling fucking embarrassed.

People just walked past him, to the queue, around him, deliberately avoided him, stood where they were, wherever they were and stared and everyone in this queue turned around and fucking watched him. They just fucking watched a man in a wheelchair with a basket of stuff, leaning over to pick up some fallen things on the floor (some having just overtaken him to get before him in the queue) and DID NOT FUCKING HELP. just stared.

I was walking toward him, and I walked over to him and use dmy crutch to get myself to the floor my crutch (which was hugely fucking painful, but at least I could get there, unlike the guy who was trying to pick it up) and put the ok lamps back and picked up the broken bits of the other china lamp base. While 10 feet away maximum there was the start of the long queue and faces looking down at us. I said to the man 'these people are so rude, how can they just stare?' 'i know' he said 'it's awful isn't it?'

I looked up right into the faces of these people, some of whom had again walked past us, this man, to join the queue, and shouted so they could all hear 'how can you just stare? you just walked by while this happened, you have just watched and stared - why didn't you help? why don't you help now?!!' and ALL OF THEM turned and looked the other way, as if nothing had happened. I watched them open mouthed, shook my head and said to this guy 'that is unbelievable'.

The guy said to me 'you get used to it' smiled at me, but in a quiet, resigned way. I was furious. I didn't want the guy to think I felt sorry for him but I had to fight back tears of anger. I would have helped anyone who struggled somehow if I was able. I told him that it was not right and while I had a voice I would not get used to it and he laughed. but clearly this was not the first time he had experienced people walking by when he needed help by his manner.

I told him to go back to the queue and I would get an assistant to come clear it up. I had put the broken lamp on the shelf in a pile. He said 'just leave it, I will tell them when I get to the front'. I said goodbye to him and put my basket down and walked out the shop telling the children I was not queueing for stuff I didn't even want.

I thanked my children for also trying to help (they are too little to pick up broken china) and we talked about never ever walking on by when people need help, unless it puts themselves in danger. I reminded them that we all need help sometimes and we will all need help in the future in some way and we will be thankful that people didn't walk on by and to make sure they were never like those people in that shop.

And I feel really fucking tearful even writing this.

I guess I am being unreasonable in how much this has upset me. but it really, really has.

The End.

iI agree with coruskate. I don't understand how the op or the guy made it their job to clear up a broken lamp. It isn't their job to clear it up, nobody expected or asked them to clear it up.

Im sorry if I'm on a shitlist for thinking that, maybe I can't see the wood for the trees or something.

Gotta love MN. At bottom it's all hearts and flowers really

FFS some true colours shown here. You did the right thing, I've never come across anyone I've witnessed physically struggling with something who has been offended by the offer of help. I had a lovely hour or so with a lady in a wheelchair in M&S, just helping her select stuff, there aren't staff available, that's where human bloody nature should come in.

Some of the comments on this thread make me so, well, sad. I've been in a wheelchair temporarily, my sister was too, she had a badge which said 'She doesn't take sugar' you are invisible once you're down there

I hope those people felt ashamed. They should do.

Coruskate I'm not ashamed either. All that needed to be done was for OP to either find an assistant to deal with the broken lamp or stay with the man and send one of her children to find one. Even a shop as devoid of staff as this will have to deal with sweeping up anything that gets broken.There was no need for the man or the OP to get down on the floor and start picking things up.

I was at Costco the other day, had loaded the masses into the boot, put the DC in the car and turned to put the trolley back. I am in no way infirm, disabled, pregnant, elderly or have LD, and a man in his mid 50s, another customer, said "I'll take that trolley for you Ma'am". I replied, "Thankyou so much!"

That's the kind of society I want to live in. Consideration for others as the norm.

Because its polite to try to clear up stuff you break accidentally somewhere.

Like it was polite of Pavlov to help the man.

Don't spend hours trying to do her down because she shows up your lack of basic human politeness.

I x posted. My post was to Caitlin. Who has spent several hours arguing with someone for helping a man in a wheelchair try to pick something up.

Which makes

Err which makes me think WTAf.

Err which makes me think WTAf.

Of course yanbu Pavlov. Anyone arguing different sounds like a twat (yes I mean you, you self centred bugger before you start a "do you mean me?! Blah blah, ranty bollocks, blah blah blah, pathetic attempt at a personal attack" post).

And now I give you the story of the people who stepped over a dying man who became a dead body in a branch of Abbey National in Elephant and Castle. There are no words for the awfulness.

Ik8 you are so right.

I'm a wheelchair user, and there is something about shops/supermarkets that makes people particularly unhelpful. I have people shove past me, ignore me, tut at me. The other day I dropped a number of items from the basket on my lap on the floor along a pathway in a supermarket. I waited for someone to try and catch their eye to ask for help - I'm quite shy, so wouldn't yell about it, but instead I had numerous people avoid my eye and deliberately take a large step over it. They probably took more effort to think ahead to do that, than grabbing it for me.

Last week I was queuing at a pharmacy - very obviously in the queue, and I had a number of people shove past me. For the first three I said loudly "I am in the queue!" As they continued to ignore me, I just got too tired to do anything. What could I do? Clearly I, in my big electric wheelchair had accidently clicked the invisibility button instead of the forward button.

As for helping someone with a disability - I agree if it involves personal space/grabbing the chair, just ask. It may be we can do it ourselves and so asking is great because we can just say it's ok. In a situation like the OP found herself in - where everything is going horribly wrong, them she did absolutely the right thing and I'm sure he appreciated it more than you could know.

If we take the wheelchair and Pavlov's crutch out of the equation and just say:

I saw a guy in a shop accidentally knock over loads of stuff, and everyone nearby just stood and looked at him as he scrabbled around to pick all the bits up (given that at that moment the shop was heaving and there was no member of staff immediately available) so I stopped to help him. WIBU?

The answer would still be no, YANBU.
Adding into the equation that the only 2 people in the shop trying to do anything were both disabled to varying degrees just compounds the U of the people not helping.

Over here, there is a programme on a Sunday night, bit of a news/current affairs thing. Serendipitously last night they ran a feature called The Indifference Test where actors play out scenes in busy town centres etc and they time how long it takes for someone to notice or intervene, or give a hand. Last night there was a guy beating a woman up, a lost child, a foreigner trying to find somewhere, and a blind woman trying to cross the road.

Whenever they run these things there is always talk about other European countries being more civilised, and people being less twatty and more prepared to help. I should perhaps point them in the direction of this thread to show them it ain't necessarily so.

You did absolutely the right thing, Pav, and I'd like to think most people were like you.

And if you think BIWI is being U for having a spreadsheet you should see mine. It stretches virtually to the moon after the fuckwittage and sheer nastiness I've seen on MN this weekend.

I think you did the right thing OP.

A colleague and I were discussing this sort of thing at the weekend. We came to the conclusion that society has degenerated to such a point that trying to be nice and help someone at best gets you viewed as weak and stupid at worst as some evil person with selfish ulterior motives. As a society people have lost sight of just how selfish it is to never help others.

From this thread your conclusion is right, at least for some people.

I just have a spreadsheet of decent folk these days

Not quite, thankfully.

Decent folk? Mine's a post it note these days :(

However, my missing-in-action list is quite long.

Who remembers this?!!

It's Ok. I ain't gonna go get a gun a shoot a bunch of people over it.

caitlin we are going to have to agree to disagree. In my eyes, it's not a about needing to do anything. No-one needed to do anything, and clearly there are a lot of people who think like you, certainly all in one place at one time on Sunday. I didn't need to do it. I didn't spend a huge amount of time considering if I should or should not help/clear up mess etc. I just got on with it, and was surprised, upset, angry that everyone else's default setting was to back the fuck away or stop in their tracks. Maybe they were as shocked that I was getting my lovely dress grubby as I was that they were not, and were like 'wow, look at that person grovelling around the floor on her hands and knees, helping someone when they don't need to, there are assistants to do that? Just wow! .

I expect those with that attitude are the same ones that see plastic bottles or beer cans on the beach or in a park, left by someone else and don't pick it up 'leave it ! it's not our mess'.

drank absolutely. If there were no wheelchairs or crutches I would still have helped. But, from what others who have experienced discrimination as a disabled person have posted here, it sounds like others might have also helped if there was not a wheelchair involved.

My neighbour is an elderly lady who uses a walking aid. When well-wishing people try to help her when she's out and about, she gets really grumpy and shouts abuse at them. She feels genuinely offended if somebody sees her as frail.

dog or maybe she is just a grumpy old woman and it's got nothing to do with her frailty. People who are old, or disabled, walk with sticks, in wheelchairs etc are just as likely to be lovely, horrible, rude, pleasant, etc as someone with full mobility.

She is not grumpy in general. She is a very nice person. She will ask for help when she needs, but she is refusing to admit she is old and frail. She insists on "i can do it myself", and do-gooders irritate her.

So i think one should first ask "do you need help" before rushing in.