To have got really fucking annoyed with customers in a shop?

[PavlovtheCat]

Well, I bloody well know I wasn't actually, I am so fucking upset and furious that we live in a world where there are so many people who will not help others, and no cost to themselves, so I just need to vent.

I was in a new Pound Stretcher opened in a retail park as DH told me they had some reasonably priced storage baskets. It was an absolute scrum in there, so many people and really unorganised, boxes piled in the aisles, hardly able to walk past people who had stopped to pick things off shelves.

At one point I walked, (with my crutch as I have a problem with my lower spine which affects my mobility) behind a man in a wheelchair, with boxes stacked at the side so I could not walk past him with the pull-along trolley that I had to take off DD at one point to stop her from hitting people's ankles.

In the final 'corridor' which is huge, there are a pile of lamps on the bottom shelf, just sort of thrown there in no order, wires hanging off the shelf. I was a way off, and heard a smash. turned to see the guy in the wheelchair, who had a full basket on his lap had run over/somehow pulled off some lamps from the shelf, just as he reached the start of a really fucking long queue (seriously long, about 35 people deep, some couples/children so a good 50 people in front of him). He didn't seem to notice at first, or didn't realise a lamp had broken and carried on to get in the queue. Whatever, regardless, there were several people who Just fucking overtook him and got into the queue, having seen what had happened, walking past the broken lamp and two other lamps on the floor. He had by this point turned around in his wheelchair, with no hands free really as he had a full basket, went back and started to try and pick these lamps up, leaning over in his wheelchair, looking around at people with hopeful eyes and clearly feeling fucking embarrassed.

People just walked past him, to the queue, around him, deliberately avoided him, stood where they were, wherever they were and stared and everyone in this queue turned around and fucking watched him. They just fucking watched a man in a wheelchair with a basket of stuff, leaning over to pick up some fallen things on the floor (some having just overtaken him to get before him in the queue) and DID NOT FUCKING HELP. just stared.

I was walking toward him, and I walked over to him and use dmy crutch to get myself to the floor my crutch (which was hugely fucking painful, but at least I could get there, unlike the guy who was trying to pick it up) and put the ok lamps back and picked up the broken bits of the other china lamp base. While 10 feet away maximum there was the start of the long queue and faces looking down at us. I said to the man 'these people are so rude, how can they just stare?' 'i know' he said 'it's awful isn't it?'

I looked up right into the faces of these people, some of whom had again walked past us, this man, to join the queue, and shouted so they could all hear 'how can you just stare? you just walked by while this happened, you have just watched and stared - why didn't you help? why don't you help now?!!' and ALL OF THEM turned and looked the other way, as if nothing had happened. I watched them open mouthed, shook my head and said to this guy 'that is unbelievable'.

The guy said to me 'you get used to it' smiled at me, but in a quiet, resigned way. I was furious. I didn't want the guy to think I felt sorry for him but I had to fight back tears of anger. I would have helped anyone who struggled somehow if I was able. I told him that it was not right and while I had a voice I would not get used to it and he laughed. but clearly this was not the first time he had experienced people walking by when he needed help by his manner.

I told him to go back to the queue and I would get an assistant to come clear it up. I had put the broken lamp on the shelf in a pile. He said 'just leave it, I will tell them when I get to the front'. I said goodbye to him and put my basket down and walked out the shop telling the children I was not queueing for stuff I didn't even want.

I thanked my children for also trying to help (they are too little to pick up broken china) and we talked about never ever walking on by when people need help, unless it puts themselves in danger. I reminded them that we all need help sometimes and we will all need help in the future in some way and we will be thankful that people didn't walk on by and to make sure they were never like those people in that shop.

And I feel really fucking tearful even writing this.

I guess I am being unreasonable in how much this has upset me. but it really, really has.

The End.

So sad. There's a scourge of "not my problem" "there's staff that deal with that" around now.

Which is fine when you're not the one in need of help.

but they were not minding their own business - they Stopped And Stared. Stopped in their tracks. Or turned around to face the commotion in the opposite direction from the way the queue was facing.

minding their own business means - carrying on as if nothing was happening and doing their shopping and whatnot, pretending nothing was going on. That's not what many people did.

Thanks corus I was livid! My nan passed away earlier this year but ended up in a wheelchair towards the end, people would hit her head with their bags as they walked passed and not say sorry. It infuriates me.

This is quite a helpful thread, as it allows me to confirm several posters who are on the shitlist.

Pavlov - you did a bloody lovely thing.

I am astounded by those who are arguing against you. They are beneath contempt.

CorusKate and Caitlin17 you should be ashamed of yourselves.

Good for you OP, I wish u were around when I fell flat on my face outside the school gates at home time a few weeks ago. Not 1 person stopped to see if I was ok they literally walked around me to get past .
I had my two ds's 5&6 with me and when I eventually got back to the car I did as you did and gave them a long talk about never walking past someone who needs help and to always ask if they need help (while fighting back the tears).

For those who think IANBU, good to know that there are some people who would not walk away or stop and stare if I need help.

(someone mentioned people walking past to get to queues and stuff - I get that all the time, it drives me nuts, they can see I am about to get to the checkout in a shop, they can see I can't walk fast and have a stick and they rush past and stick their full trolley load of stuff on the belt before i get my three items there!, and people beeping at me for walking across a crossing too slowly when the lights have gone back to green after I started walking - but I am 'newly disabled' so guess I have a lifetime of more shocking treatment than that to come!)

I am going to bed, this has been interesting, so pleased to see there are still plenty who would do what I did, who would not just watch or walk by.

Off to bed now. Night all

My mum had a fit in a shoe shop doorway once. People fucking walked over her into the shop. Couldn't be arsed to wait five minutes for her to recover, no, they had to walk over her to buy fucking shoes that weren't going anywhere.

She also had a fit in sainsburys last week - I had to shout for help, as most people ignored me, and then I had to put up with dozens of people staring. Some actually slow down to watch.

Another person came up to me once when helping my mum, asked what my first aid qualifications were, then shouted at me and told me to back off when I said I wasn't a qualified first aider.. I'm not qualified but I have been doing this for twenty one years!!

Only three times have I had proper help from public - once, a lovely elderly woman got hold of my hand and said nothing, just held it for a while, whilst I spoke to shop staff and helped mum. Another man helped me walk across three streets with mum, and helped me into the house with her. A third - years and years ago, probably 1995ish, my mum had a fit in M&S. Quite a bad one, out of it completely. A young woman stopped to help, explained she was a social worker and I remember phoned her lecturer to ask her to prove it to the shop staff. So as to prevent my sister and I (think we were 4ish or younger) spending all day in A&E, she took us to hers and I helped her track down family with the phone book!

I don't understand some people. If its a herd mentality those that don't help are nothing but cowards.

I've read it all now!

How does doing the right thing turn into doing the wrong thing?!

YANBU

I don't assume horrible things. Unfortunately it's borne of experience.

How very simplistic.

Corus yeah it's unfair to assume horrible things but you've been minimizing what happened. The people in line didn't just not turn around and leave the line to help. They stepped around someone who was struggling, didn't offer to help, didn't offer to get a salesperson, just walked around the struggling disabled person to get to the line. From the OP:

there were several people who Just fucking overtook him and got into the queue, having seen what had happened, walking past the broken lamp and two other lamps on the floor. He had by this point turned around in his wheelchair, with no hands free really as he had a full basket, went back and started to try and pick these lamps up, leaning over in his wheelchair, looking around at people with hopeful eyes and clearly feeling fucking embarrassed.

People just walked past him, to the queue, around him, deliberately avoided him, stood where they were, wherever they were and stared and everyone in this queue turned around and fucking watched him.

That's nasty behavior.

I am of two minds about the OP's having shouted at them. As she has acknowledged, that might have been embarrassing for the man in the wheelchair. But imo. they deserved to be shouted at.

I think Icimoi is right that it's herd mentality, and people can feel weird about stepping forward when no one else is stepping forward and sort of freeze in place. Getting shouted at may help them break out of that mindset next time. That'd be great, since as far as I can think of there are no benefits to herd mentality.

Corus no need to apologize to me at all! We haven't been on the same page here but I thought your point about not leaping in to "help" disabled people with things they may be perfectly willing and able to do, just b/c it looks like they are struggling, was really important. Someone who just assumes that disabled = totally incompetent + constantly desirous of rescue will likely cause a lot of offense and hurt.

Sorry, you did say they should not have whispered and pointed, I missed that.

I also can get quite heated in my mind when I see people being discourteous. I have a thing about wanting everyone to be kind and tactful and helpful. So this kind of situation sets me off.

But you're right, as we weren't there we're each trying to imagine what it looked like as it happened, and of course what we imagine will vary.

I think CorusKate's point of view is perfectly reasonable, and that her point about asking someone whether they want to be helped - whether or not it's particularly relevant in the OP's scenario - is one that would be accepted by a lot of people with disabilities. I have a visually-impaired friend who uses a cane, and who is deeply unimpressed when he is grabbed and frogmarched across a street he had no plans to cross by a well-meaning member of the public.

Very big difference between going to help someone, them saying they're ok and continuing regardless (patronising) and offering help to someone who really needs it.

Why don't people offer assistance any more? I'd say the number of ungracious people are a minority.

Oh and Burren very big difference between that situation (wrongly second guessing a person's intended action) and assisting in a situation where you can see there's a problem (broken lamp, guy looking hopefully at people).

No! I'm sorry if I was rude, I know I got really sweary early on. Was indignant but didn't mean to offend.