Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To be upset by what MIL has bough for us?

133 replies

MummySparkle · 27/04/2014 00:15

We are expecting DC2 in 2 months. Today OH informed me that my MIL has bought us a new Moses basket for DC2 and would like to come and set it all up for us whilst I'm in hospital in labour.

We've talked about lots of possible things to get for the new baby, and a Moses basket has never been one of them. We have a perfectly good one from last time, one that I spent a considerable amount of time and effort making extra bedding for from some old bedsheets. I haven't seen this one yet, but chances are it will be a different size and require us to buy more bedding so that we can have a couple of sets.

And the idea of her being in my bedroom in my house fiddling with my stuff whilst I am in labour is horrifying! There are so many things out of my control in labour as it is, why on earth would I want her here 'sorting things out' for the baby. Which. I doubt I'd have to redo anyway because she thinks completely differently to me so the way she would 'sort out' things would be totally illogical to me.

OH is annoyed at me for being put out by this. But surely it's like me saying 'oh, by the way, I bought you a new coffee table because I didn't like your old one. I put it together whilst you were out and got rid of your old one, isn't that lovely of me?' To MIL?

AIBU here? Or is this a thing that 'all normal people would be grateful for' as OH says?

Thanks :)

OP posts:

RedFocus · 27/04/2014 07:38

I don't see why you are getting so up tight about it. It's not your money she has wasted. Just smile and say thanks. It's only a bloody Moses basket after all. Not really worth falling out over tbh.
I dread my son getting married thanks to reading all the ungrateful women on here moaning about their mil spending their own money on something nice for their gc and trying to get involved and then getting it thrown back in their face!
Thankfully all my son wants is a cool sports car and a well behaved and loyal dog!

mameulah · 27/04/2014 07:39

YADNBU!!!

I can't even describe how furious I would be about that. I totally agree with you and would absolutely not allow it.

mameulah · 27/04/2014 07:40

RedFocus

I have a DS and am expecting another DS very soon. I have no qualms of being worried that I will ever turn out like my MIL. If you can't imagine what it is like to have a really, really, really horrible MIL then you are very lucky.

RedFocus · 27/04/2014 07:41

Oh and it's always handy to have 2, one upstairs and one downstairs. Or if you live in a flat one in one room and one in another maybe even one in the house/flat and one in the car for when you go visiting people.

RedFocus · 27/04/2014 07:42

Another suggestion is ask mil to keep it at her house for when the baby visits so the baby can sleep in it.

SteadyEddie · 27/04/2014 07:46

The only thing that would bother me is the setting it up while I am in labour.

Did you tell her when you were in labour last time? Maybe she sees this as a reason you will have to tell her?

I don't like people in my bedroom either I barely tolerate DH

NickNackNooToYou · 27/04/2014 07:47

Politely decline given that you already have one, so it does seem pointless.

Chat to her and ask her to buy nappies, look after your other DC, make up some food etc. Maybe she just wants to help

sandgrown · 27/04/2014 07:49

Well said Red!

AMillionNameChangesLater · 27/04/2014 07:50

I would be ticked if someone bought me a Moses basket and stand and wanted to set it up while in labour.

we already have one
i didn't ask for it
i didn't want people in my house when i was in labour.

i don't think it's a particularly good gift, they are expensive for what they are, and take up room the op might not have, especially as she already has one

Original poster

MummySparkle · 27/04/2014 07:55

Thank you everybody for all of your replies, I feel a but better about it all now!

FloggingMolly - you're right actually. Setting it up May not necessarily mean that she goes into our room. DH only told me about this late last night and as the Moses basket was right next to my bed last time I guess I just couldn't visualise it anywhere else. Thinking about it after some sleep she probably meant set it up downstairs.

DC1 will be at MILs whilst I'm in labour. She is going to pick him up and go to hers. I will be upstairs as I don't want to see her!

Again, downstairs we have a perfectly good lie-flat bouncer chair, so another Moses basket just isn't necessary!

We are going to see her today and I'll explain that we would like to use the one we've got. I made sheets that fit neatly up and around the sides to cover and scratchy wicker bits, so they probably wouldn't fit so well over another one. And knowing my MIL she will have bought a big and extravagant (and not my taste!) one!

Apparently this is my fault as I haven't made it clear what we wanted. However I'm pretty sure we agreed that MIL would get us a cot. And I said to DH that although DC2 Won't be sleeping in it for a while if like to have it set up ASAP so that DC1 gets used to it in his room and we have a space for daytime naps and just generally to have it ready.

I might have mentioned that I would like a new Moses basket stand (the other ones rockers made it quite unstable once DC1 was 4 months even though he had plenty of leg room) but I wasn't expecting it as a present from anyone, and certainly not a whole new basket set.

We are going over to MILs today so I'll explain to her that it's a lovely gesture, but we would rather the money was put towards the cot / chest of drawers for the bedroom. Hopefully she won't be too upset

Thank you for all of your opinions

OP posts:

drinkingtea · 27/04/2014 07:56

These threads always turn into somebody saying "you make me dread being a MIL" I have 2 sons and think YANBU.

Your MIL probably is meaning to be nice, but is actually being thoughtless buying you a duplicate of something you already have, and overstepping perfectly normal personal space boundaries wanting to set things up in your bedroom - that would make me irritated and uncomfortable too.

Your DH is coming off badly criticising the heavily pregnant mother of his children for not being "normsl"

LiegeAndLief · 27/04/2014 07:57

To the pp who said not to worry, she won't be alone in your room, dh will be with her - won't the dh be with the OP while she is in labour giving birth to their child?!

NoArmaniNoPunani · 27/04/2014 07:57

Maybe it's one like this

To be upset by what MIL has bough for us?

Booboostoo · 27/04/2014 08:02

It's a gift, just say thank you and don't use it if you don't like it. Put it in the garage, give it to a friend, sell it on ebay, there is no need to get upset over it.

As for coming into your house say no thank you, we'd rather have it now and set it up ourselves.

drinkingtea · 27/04/2014 08:05

Oops cross posted somewhat with OP's last post.

:o NoArmani - my MIL has something very similar at her house which she uses for old antique dolls! Oh yes, really... When I met her there were hundrrds of dolls all over the house - not just china faced antiques but plastic ones too, in baskets and prams and displayed on not-for-people-to-sit-on sofas and chairs... she's scaled them back to actual antique looking ones now she has real grandchildren though

turningvioletviolet · 27/04/2014 08:05

Good God. The woman's bought you a moses basket. Not a new house that she's decorated herself and is expecting you to move into without ever seeing it. A. Moses. Basket. Use it. Don't use it. Whatever. But it's a nice gift from someone who wants to be involved. Seriously. Get over it. You're being unbelievably petty and seemingly just trying to find any reason to dislike the woman. And ughh to all the people on here buying in to your first world problem of having 2 moses baskets.

LucilleBluth · 27/04/2014 08:09

Why don't you want to see her when she picks up Your DS, I don't understand.

IDontDoIroning · 27/04/2014 08:09

Yanbu.
Moses baskets are fairly short lived and pointless and you certainly would not need 2 unless the first is seriously dangerous.
Can't she take this one back and buy something you might actually need. She is bu for buying it.
She doesn't need to go in your bedroom but after you updated it may not mean that, so you may be u, unless of course she does intend to go round your bedroom when you are in labour.

PollyIndia · 27/04/2014 08:09

She's bought a Moses basket when op said she might have mentioned wanting a new Moses basket - talk about the ultimate drip feed.

I am with red focus 100%. And if I ever have a DD, I hope I will teach her how to be inclusive and empathetic.

KatieKaye · 27/04/2014 08:09

YANBU. You have the Moses basket you like and don't need another one. But it does sound like there are other things you do need.
In this instance it isn't about your MIL and what makes her feel good. So tell her and either she can exchange it or keep it at her house

drinkingtea · 27/04/2014 08:15

Blah at the "first world problem" - 90% of posts on MN ate about first world problems...

drinkingtea · 27/04/2014 08:16

By which I mean there is no point criticising somenody who lives in the "first world" for having, and being bugged by, a "first world problem"

LittleBearPad · 27/04/2014 08:17

It's a gift. Accept it and then use it / don't use it / ebay it if you want. Give it to dd so she can play being mummy too.

You never know you might like it and the stand that you did say you needed.

Littlegreyauditor · 27/04/2014 08:21

She's bought a Moses basket when op said she might have mentioned wanting a new Moses basket - talk about the ultimate drip feed.

OP said she wanted a new Moses basket stand, not a new basket:

Original poster

MummySparkle · 27/04/2014 08:22

noArmarni if it does look like that I'll go all gushy over it and set it up with pride of place in her pristine lounge and see what she thinks of it there!

I don't want to come across as ungrateful, particularly to MIL, as I know she believes that she is doing a nice thing for me (apparently she wanted it to be a surprise for when I got back from the hospital...) however I don't want her to spend money time or effort on something we don't need / won't get much use. And to whoever said they're not dear... Even the cheapest one in Mothercare is £30 and the stands are another £20 odd and then £10 for a mattress... That's £60 already for something that will only have 6 months use. The drawer unit that would be perfect for the nursery is £60, and that will be used for years to come!

We'll sit down and talk to her today and I'll explain my thoughts to her, we usually get on well, but she does have a habit of getting carried away where the DCs are concerned! This isn't necessarily a bad thing, she buys loads of cute outfits for DS and I love that, I just don't feel that another Moses basket is needed!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6