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AIBU?

To think it's unfair that I can't get my tubes tied?

217 replies

saggybaggy · 25/04/2014 18:46

It is my body at the end of the day right?

I have two beautiful DCs and I'm happy with just that. DH and I definitely do not want any more children and I chose to get sterilized.

So I went to the GP for my 6 weeks check up and had asked to get my tubes tied only to be refused because of my age (22) "Youre still young, you may change your mind" bullshi..!!

I'm happy with my decision so I think it's bloody unfair for my GP to refuse. Even if DH and I divorce (God forbid!) I won't all of a sudden feel 'cheated' as I personally do not want anymore children, even if the worst happened.

AIBU? It's our right, right?

OP posts:

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ivykaty44 · 25/04/2014 18:48

It isn't as effective as some other contraception, did your gp talk to you about better alternatives?

CrazyOldCatLady · 25/04/2014 18:49

I think it's pretty reasonable. DH and I thought we didn't want children at all when we were your age; 10 years later we had 2. Things change! And not having your tubes tied is hardly going to ruin your life.

fifi669 · 25/04/2014 18:50

Well no it's not your right. It's your want.

The doctor is right you may change your mind, you are young. I'm sure if you went back in 10 years he'd sign it off.

AlpacaYourThings · 25/04/2014 18:50

I think the GP is trying to ensure that you don't decide to do something you may regret.

22 is young to make such a final decision.

HairyPorter · 25/04/2014 18:52

Yabu. Your gp is sensible. Few gynecologists would entertain your request even if your gp did refer you to a clinic.

Hereshoping99 · 25/04/2014 18:52

I asked for mine done at 19 after the birth of my son.

I'm now 29 and have been trying to conceive for 3 years.

Topseyt · 25/04/2014 18:52

It was a rather patronising comment from your GP, and I personally think the choice should be yours.

I can sort of understand his reluctance but I still think the choice should be yours. Is there any way you could get another opinion, perhaps from another GP? If they see you are totally serious they may back down.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 25/04/2014 18:52

When I went to my GP for my 6 week check after DD ( I have a DS and DD) I was joking with the GO that my DH was wanting to have the snip.

"If he wants it done" said this young,single,childless ,male Doctor (he told me this) " Make him book an appointment with me I'll talk him out of it".

I was a bit , DH and I were both 36 when DD was born,
But he has probably had to deal with countless men and women regretting their decision to be sterilised, and there's little he can do.

TBH, if you don't want any more, and it's not for me or anyone else to say , there are many, many other forms of contraception.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 25/04/2014 18:53

You are 6 weeks post partum? 6 weeks post partum i was swearing abstinence for life. Both times. give it time to be sure.

DaffodilsandTruffles · 25/04/2014 18:53

I'm told that a coil is as effective as having your tubes tied.

I really don't want to sound patronising but your GP is right.

itsatiggerday · 25/04/2014 18:54

I had this conversation with them too. It is possible but you will need to convince them you've thought of all the options. So if DH died & you remarry someone who wants more - would you consider it? And the (even tougher?) scenario, if one or even both of your children died, would you feel the same or might you want to have the option of more children? Even just for the next few years while an age gap might still be quite small. Reversibility is tricky & there are worst case scenarios, that's why they'll be reluctant unless you can really convince them you've arrived at a settled answer across all of them.

eurochick · 25/04/2014 18:54

I can see why you like that, but I think the GP is right.

In my 20s I was certain I never wanted children and considered getting sterilised so I didn't have to bother with contraception any more. In my 30s I became desperate for a child. People change with age.

charlion · 25/04/2014 18:55

Go to Marie Stopes, they will do it for about £1500 (cheap when you consider the financial/emotional cost of an unwanted pg!). I got it done at 25, I was tired of arguing with my GP and had had enough of hormones. Or get your DH to have the snip (GP is probably going to be difficult about that if he is young) - it is cheaper at £400.

The implant is very reliable (more reliable than getting tubes tied) so worth looking at in the meantime. But doesn't suit everyone due to hormones/bleeding etc.

tobysmum77 · 25/04/2014 18:56

I admit I was 35 when I was sterilised but other than the dr saying it really is permanent you know that was it.

Personally I think 22 is too young, I didnt even know whether or not I wanted any dc at that age.

saggybaggy · 25/04/2014 18:57

I come across like I'm throwing a tantrum over it and that's terrible.

I understand that I could change my mind in the future but I really really doubt it. I had two horrendous pregnancies, MS until 29 weeks with DS and hyperemesis with DD as well as PND with DS.

I chose to get the IUS as it's the next best thing imo but I'm worried it'll rupture my uterus again. We use condoms for extra protection.

I think it's unfair anyway. Let me live with the regret should it happen (which I doubt)

OP posts:

LineRunner · 25/04/2014 18:59

Yes it is your body. I see your argument.

drivenbyyou · 25/04/2014 19:00

My friend was sterilized at 24 (she had 3 children by then) and has never regretted since (now early 40s). She'd had all 3 close together and was adamant she wasn't having any more. Not sure what she said to the doc to convince him though...

PennySillin · 25/04/2014 19:00

Goodness yes I think you are being totally unreasonable. I don't any GPs would refer you for this kind of procedure at 22 for the reasons you state. As others have said there are lots of other forms of long acting contraception that isn't so invasive or permenant. Have you considered any of these? I know it feels frustrating as it's your body but I totally understand the GPs decision.

LineRunner · 25/04/2014 19:01

It is a bodily autonomy argument not dissimilar to that regarding termination, so I do support the OP.

saggybaggy · 25/04/2014 19:03

itsatiggerday I can't answer your questions because I'm adamant that I want my tubes tied.

OP posts:

CurlyBlueberry · 25/04/2014 19:06

I see what you mean but I also think 6 weeks postpartum is no time to make such a decision. My husband wants to get the snip after we have our second child (due in August); he'll be 26. It's not age that concerns me but I wouldn't want him to make the decision so soon. I'd rather wait a year or so after our 'last' baby and see how we feel then. At 6 weeks your hormones will still be all over the place, everything will be very 'fresh' in your mind and you have a tiny, tiny baby to deal with.

saggybaggy · 25/04/2014 19:06

Pennysillin I have chosen to get the IUS but I'm going to go back to the GP. I don't know what he wants to hear in order to feel convinced. I'm considering going to Marie Stopes as a PP suggested.

OP posts:

NoArmaniNoPunani · 25/04/2014 19:08

A friend of mine was refused by her GP at 36.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 25/04/2014 19:09

Can you see a different GP? Whilst i think its very soon after birth to make such a big decision i fully support your right to get it done. You just need to find a GP that will support it too. As you said- it is your regret to have if you do and no-one elses business.

WooWooOwl · 25/04/2014 19:09

I think it should be allowed, on the understanding that the NHS will not fund any reversal or fertility treatment should you change your mind.

The law had decided that people are allowed to choose abortion, so the law should respect any other choice about fertility as well.

We are either adults who are allowed to make decisions on behalf of our own bodies or we're not. They should make their bloody minds up.

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