To think it's unfair that I can't get my tubes tied?

[saggybaggy]

It is my body at the end of the day right?

I have two beautiful DCs and I'm happy with just that. DH and I definitely do not want any more children and I chose to get sterilized.

So I went to the GP for my 6 weeks check up and had asked to get my tubes tied only to be refused because of my age (22) "Youre still young, you may change your mind" bullshi..!!

I'm happy with my decision so I think it's bloody unfair for my GP to refuse. Even if DH and I divorce (God forbid!) I won't all of a sudden feel 'cheated' as I personally do not want anymore children, even if the worst happened.

AIBU? It's our right, right?

[Lottapianos]

I'm totally with you OP. This is just the usual crap belief that all women will end up craving a baby/another baby eventually coz we're all just hormonal wrecks really. It is absolutely your body and your choice. I think its fine that the GP would give you dire warnings about the permanence of the decision but to refuse to refer you is ludicrous. You must feel seriously frustrated.

[Lottapianos]

And what WooWooOwl said

[weatherall]

I can see both sides of this.

I once read a book called 'child free and sterilized' which has a lot about young women trying to convince their GPs to sterilize them. You might find it interesting, OP.

On the one hand it's a woman's right to choose what happens to her body and choosing a non hormonal contraception is probably quite a healthy choice.

However lots of women do change their minds about number of DCs later on or in a new relationship.

Is the doctor worried about being sued if you change your mind or is this an NHS budget issue?

If you are really determined I suppose you could save to go private.

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

Is there any medical reason why you can't use other contraception?

As it's freely available and suitable I think if you want your tubes tied, go private.

And YY to what Woo said.
If you have it done and change your mind, you deal with the reversal.

[AndreasVesalius]

DSis had similar problems after baby number four, despite being in her mid-30s.

[MrsPear]

Op I agree with you too.

I had this from one of the GPs at my practice. I am 32 both my boys were very early (ob said I have no real chance of getting full term) plus I have history of miscarriage. He said what if you divorce? I argued back that it would not cure the faults within my body. Still said no. Saw another doctor who agreed and I am going to be referred next year when my youngest is at pre school and more independent. In the mean time I am on depo .

[saggybaggy]

lottapianos I am very frustrated. He made me feel as if I was a child who couldn't possibly know what I wanted.

I am 1000% sure that I do not want anymore children as I am very happy with the two that I have now.

Just spoken to DH and he said that he'll ask to get the snip but I still want to get my tubes tied for the same reasons listed against having my tubes tied (divorce etc). He'll be protected but I won't be and I definitely do not want to risk it.

[saggybaggy]

MrsPear I am happy for you!! Glad you found a GP that listened.

Circumstances change, I agree, but just because a person is now divorced, they all of a sudden want children again because they're single.

[TheCraicDealer]

I agree with PP's that now isn't the time to be pursuing this. Perhaps wait until no.2 is in school? Think about it, you get it done at 22, life goes on something changes and in ten years time you think you'd like another go. You're 32, so in the grand scheme of things really still quite youngish in terms of childbearing, but length of time since the procedure plays a part in reversal success rates.

Having said that, reversal rates on the under 35's do seem pretty good overall, although depends on a lot of factors. I find it quite difficult putting myself in your position- I'm three years older than you but can't commit to a favourite yogurt brand never mind a permanent contraceptive.

[CoffeeTea103]

You're 22 still a baby in terms of age, to be making such a short sighted decision. The doctor is right, just wait you may never know.

[HoldOnHoldOnSoldier]

YANBU. I had my tubes tied at 24. I asked for it to be done when I went in for my c section (3rd one) and I was told no for the same reasons you have been told. I had a terrible experience and nearly died when I was in theatre, I was hospitalised for weeks and had to have another abdominal operation to fix the problems from the c section. When I went in for the second op I demanded they tied my tubes and I don't think they dared argue with me. I do not regret it at all.

[MRSjayy]

I think if you are sure then you are sure but I do think the health authorities make this rule not the GPs IYSWIM it is really patronising of them not to at least refer you but you might change your mind, i was done at 27 after being on the waiting list for 3 years where dd 2 was conceived It was a shock but was lovely i am sort of glad i didnt get it when i asked for it

[beershuffle]

It is your body, thats true. However you want someone elses expertise, time, resources etc, so its not all about you.
If the dr professiobal judgement is that this is not the best course of action, you have to respect that. Or pay privately.

[saggybaggy]

my mistake: I doubt that they'd want to have children all of a sudden**

[Happyringo]

I see both sides. It's absolutely your body and you should be taken seriously by your GP. However - when I was 36, with one 8 year old daughter, I was adamant I wanted my tubes tied. Said that even if DH and I split I wouldn't want another child etc...so the GP referred me to Gynae, and I had my tubes tied.

Fast forward a mere 8 months and I split from DH. Met a new partner and wanted another baby, despite being adamant I never would.

We paid £3500 for me to have a reversal op, an were given pretty rubbish odds. Amazingly it worked and second DD is now 2. So, just saying, sometimes we think we know for sure what we want then sometimes life just changes beyond what you ever imagined!

[saggybaggy]

Beershuffle True. I'll happily pay for this privately. I'll talk to DH about it tonight and go forward from there.

[meddie]

I got sterilised at 24. But bloody hell it took me ages to convince my GP that I was totally serious. He came up with all the arguments against it. such as :
you might want more ( I didnt)
You might divorce and want more with a new partner (my marriage was on the skids at the time but I still knew I didnt want anymore children with anyone).
one of your children might die and you will want another (can you promise me the replacement will be the same as the one I lost).
What does your husband think about it? ( I dont care what he thinks, Its not his body and i never want another pregnancy or child, so his opinion doesnt matter)

In the end he told me to go away and think about it. I made an appointment every week for 6 weeks sat down and told him I had thought about it and still wanted one.
Finally at the 5th appointment he caved and referred me.
Best decision I ever made and one I have never regretted

[aylesburyduck]

saggy my mum was sterilised privately at 26. Like you her GP refused on the basis she was too young.

I am sure you've been through this, but is there a less permanent solution you can opt for just in case you do change your mind?

[Doilooklikeatourist]

I went and asked for my tubes to be tied when I was 41 with 2 children and was told its better if DH has the snip ( so not going to happen as DBIL had recently been snipped and was on his 3rd lot of antibiotics ! )
So I have a mirena .
On my 2nd .
It's fantastic .
There are alternatives

[itsatiggerday]

Think I'm being thick tonight, don't understand your response. Do you mean you can't answer because they're too hard to consider (yes they're grim but it's the consequences of the tying not the procedure itself) or because you know your answers but don't want to write them on a public board (fair enough)? FWIW, I'm not being judgy. It's just that IME that's what Dr wanted to be sure we'd considered. We decided death of a child might mean we'd consider another if gap wasn't too big so delayed procedure a few years. Death of DH wouldn't change my position but if I died & DH remarried, he might have a wife who did want more so not appropriate for him to get snip.

[expatinscotland]

Not all women can use a Mirena. About 15-20% experience intolerable side effects.

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

"It is a bodily autonomy argument not dissimilar to that regarding termination, so I do support the OP."

This.

Meddie, I like your style.