To think it's unfair that I can't get my tubes tied?

[saggybaggy]

It is my body at the end of the day right?

I have two beautiful DCs and I'm happy with just that. DH and I definitely do not want any more children and I chose to get sterilized.

So I went to the GP for my 6 weeks check up and had asked to get my tubes tied only to be refused because of my age (22) "Youre still young, you may change your mind" bullshi..!!

I'm happy with my decision so I think it's bloody unfair for my GP to refuse. Even if DH and I divorce (God forbid!) I won't all of a sudden feel 'cheated' as I personally do not want anymore children, even if the worst happened.

AIBU? It's our right, right?

[differentnameforthis]

My consultant refused to sterilize me at d2s birth (section, I was 35, ironically the same team sterilized my friend a yr later & she was younger then me, the only diff was, she had just had her 3rd) & then my gp refused to refer me after her birth.

I fell pregnant accidentally (contraception failure), terminated & asked my dr to refer me soon after that. I know that he knew about my termination. He did. And everytime I see him, he has a look on his face like he failed me. Good! He did. He didn't believe I knew my own mind, and knew what I wanted. he really thought that I was reacting to a traumatic birth (elective section)

All I can say op, is that if you are 100% sure (and I do believe you can know that) then keep on to him/her about it.

Good Luck.

[differentnameforthis]

You are 6 weeks post partum? 6 weeks post partum i was swearing abstinence for life ... give it time to be sure.

I was pregnant with dd & I knew I didn't want anymore.

if one or even both of your children died, would you feel the same or might you want to have the option of more children? That is such a ridiculous argument. I wouldn't & couldn't replace either of dd if something happened to them, and to me, this argument implies that!

I didnt even know whether or not I wanted any dc at that age. Completely different situations all together. The op has 2 children already, this is very different to being childless & not knowing if you want dc at all.

It is a bodily autonomy argument not dissimilar to that regarding termination, so I do support the OP. Exactly!!

You're 22 still a baby in terms of age, to be making such a short sighted decision How patronising!! She is NOT a child, much less a baby!! She can vote, she can get married, she can have sex, she drive a car, she can drink. Yet you are suggesting that she doesn't know her own mind enough to know if she wants more children. Please!!!

I'm three years older than you but can't commit to a favourite yogurt brand never mind a permanent contraceptive. That doesn't mean that op doesn't know her own mind, just because you don't know what yoghurt you like

saggybaggy Exactly about being newly single & suddenly wanting another child. I am not a baby making machine, I do not want more children. If I become single & find a new man, if she can't handle that, then he needs to find someone else. It isn't up to be to populate this world.

Happyringo The op is not you. Personal stories are not really of much help here. Just because you changed your mind, doesn't mean op will.

It is your body, thats true. However you want someone elses expertise, time, resources etc, so its not all about you. How can you say that? Would you say that to the op if she were 32? 42? OF COURSE it is all about her!

[joanofarchitrave]

It's cost/benefit that is considered (or should be considered) in NHS procedures, that's what NICE is for. If the regret rate is very high in people under 30, maybe that's why. I agree though that sterilisation should be pretty cheap to the NHS versus years of contraception plus possible terminations or further childbirth.

It's also true that doctors are people too, and as professionals they have a right not to perform medical procedures/prescribe drugs/give care that they believe will cause harm, even if the procedures are wanted by the person themselves. More than that, they can be struck off if they do so.

It sounds more as if you had a patronising GP - which is no good. I think he had a right to refuse you but I think he should have thought about counselling you rather than telling you what you were going to feel!

[differentnameforthis]

It's also an argument on the best use of nhs resources....

Is it? I don't think so. And if you insist, then it is a great use of NHS resources because it will prevent an unwanted pregnancy that may end in termination.

It has nothing to do with what is best for the NHS. The NHS won't be raising her unwanted child, or helping her cope with that situation.

it is not an easy operation to be honest .my periods were never right after words Mine was easy, straightforward. I was uncomfortable for a couple of weeks because while in there the surgeon took away scar tissue from my two sections. MY periods are fab. Like clockwork. Heavier, but they were heavy pre dc.

What would people rather? A termination because of an unwanted pregnancy? I may be taking my argument too far asking that but it's true. That is exactly what happened to me. It seems extreme now that suddenly, after a termination, (according to my drs obvious viewpoint) I suddenly knew what I wanted. He was very awkward the next time I saw him & I really felt like saying 'well now do you believe me' when I walked in.

With the bodily autonomy argument, he should have been referred for surgery. But he wasn't. ... Yes, he was on a cocktail of painkillers none of which were working effectively enough for him. He lived in constant pain Is that the case where he eventually cut off his hand with a home made guillotine? If so, he is still in pain, isn't he, because cutting off his hand didn't do the job...just like his GP said. So it isn't actually a good argument at all, because in his case, the GP was right, in the ops, her GP is wrong.

1944, I am, sorry for your situation. The op is different where as she isn't being 'pushed' into having a tubal ligation due to medical issues. Knowing that you don't want anymore children is VERY different to being told it is best not to have anymore for medical reasons.

Yabu , you can't know at 22 if you will want more dc in 10,15 or even 20 years time. Yes you can. MY SIL knew at a very early age that she didn't want kids. She is happily childless at 46.

I knew when I married that I only wanted 2. I was 20 then. I don't see why it is different once you have children.

The women who later regretted it would also say they knew though But that is only some of the women, it isn't all. You can't deny all woman a choice because some regretted it.

6 weeks post partum? .. I bet at least half of us here were adamant we wouldn't want another at that stage. Both myself & my friend were adamant LONG before 6 weeks PP. They sterilized her & not me. Several years on, neither of us want more children. It is just that she got her wish (even though she has voiced that she slightly regrets it - see below) and I had to go through a termination to get to a point where I was taken seriously.

What got me about my friend, is that the same team who refused me, did hers. She was on her third & in the midst of a very deep antenatal depression. I was on my second & wasn't experiencing what she was. Yet they still allowed her to have it done. It could be argued that she knew her mind less than I did, because she was very depressed & even she admits that she wasn't thinking clearly. She does say that if she hadn't had the depression, she wouldn't have asked for it. She was in a place where she was desperate & wanted something final. She wasn't EVER advised against it. Yes a resounding 'yes' as SOON as she mentioned it.

[Shakey1500]

I had my first child at 38. Utterly horrendous birth (4th degree tear). Before my 3rd operation to fix things 3months post partum, I asked the consultant to sterilise me during the op. He agreed without question.

He was a tit. NOT because it was the wrong descision for me (luckily) but because it might have been. I was in trauma after the birth and may have regretted it. He was also a tit as he made a right hash of my nethers.

[differentnameforthis]

If a woman can't be trusted to know that she doesn't want children then how can she possibly be expected to know that she does?

Good point.

If you want a reversal (which is possible given you have another 20 years of potential fertility) the nhs will have to pay for this as well. The only way I could get a reversal if I wanted it, would be to go private. The public health system in my state (South Australia) won't do it at all. So no, I don't think that NHS HAS to do anything.

LucyBabs IIRC, fifi is VERY VERY anti-choice when it comes to women & their rights over their own bodies. She said some pretty shocking stuff on a pro life thread too.

fifi669 Not everyone is your friend though, are they? And she is pretty stupid in not telling her dh how she feels if she wants more kids. Him having a vasectomy could end their childbearing days permanently, so if it doesn't fail, and let's face it, they aren't meant to, it could cause resentment. Your friend should have been honest. And to be fair, doesn't actually sound that grown up compared to the op, if she can't tell her dh her preferences.

[MrsBlackthorn]

My sister and her husband had two kids early (they were 23 when the second was born). After the second, her husband went to the GP to ask about the snip. They turned him down on the basis he was under 30. But they said they'd refer her (same age) for a tube-tie as she had two kids already - as if they need to allow for the possibility he might want to have kids with someone else later, but not for the woman.

They are now both 35 - he finally got the snip last year.

[differentnameforthis]

The stats regarding regret rate are just a smoke screen, to be fair. They mean nothing in terms of the ops personal choice.

Just because 30% under 30 regret it, that doesn't mean that the op should be denied what she wants or that we should write off/disregard that huge 70% of those who don't.

I was denied an interview for a job because I would have had to use public transport if I got the job. The last person holding that position was always late. So in their eyes, there was a 50/50 chance that I would be late too. Their argument being that if she couldn't make it in from down the road, how could I get in from another town on time, using public transport.

I think that is pretty discriminatory, to base my (as yet unseen) performance on someone else who I was told lived several DOORS away from the place I wanted to work at. In the end I took a job MUCH further away & my punctuality was PERFECT because I was always there early due to taking an earlier than necessary train.

But I didn't even get a shot at an interview, (even though I was recommended by a friend) because someone else screwed up in their life choice.

Why should the op suffer because others screwed up on this life choice?

[differentnameforthis]

She wasn't EVER advised against it. Yet got a resounding 'yes' as SOON as she mentioned it.

[Meerka]

speaking with a lot of bias atm - but I dont think anyone has noticed that the OP has had hyperemesis gravidarum. Which recurs 80% of the time.

Until you have had eight months severe seasickness 25/7, you are talking from ignorance. Same as a man talking about the pain of childbirth when they've not even seen it. Pure bullshit. Morning sickness is not even remotely in the same league, it's the difference between a cold and life-threatening pneumonia.

She's got two children, she's got heavy heavy pregnancies and she's clear in her thoughts.

I think that her experience and wishes should be respected.

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

I think if the response to the OP from her GP had been "policy dictates that we don't sterilise until at least 6 months post partum, come back and see me then" her feelings about the consultation would have been different.

[Happyringo]

differentname I know the OP isn't me. I wasn't suggesting that. I was merely adding my experience of being sterilised and then paying for reversal. Given that this is, you know, a discussion board...

[itsonlysubterfuge]

I think it is your body and you should be able to decide to some extent. What if you were adamant you didn't want your arm anymore and you demanded the doctor remove it? Although you may not agree, I think it's better for the doctor to err on the side of caution with something that is such a permanent decision.

[Oblomov]

I agree with different name for this, and her multi posts.

many if the posts are offensive. how do you KNOW she doesn't know her own mind?

I knew. I have 2 kids. and will not have more. no matter what.

bring sterilised was the best thing I ever did.

go back to the gp op. or a different gp. and insist. go 3 times. and on the 3rd time tell them that you've been 3 consecutive weeks, and can't they see that you are serious. and tell them that you are not leaving, until they agree.
easy. that. simple.

[sashh]

Disagree. My friend knew she wanted no children at 18, she still knows it 20 years later. I knew at 10 I didn't want children. I've had all the patronising, "when you meet the right man....." It never happened and at 47 I don't think I'm about to change my mind

[UriGeller]

I'm 42 and have 4 children and the GP refused ME for a sterilisation.!

To be fair, what he did was point out the other options, ask me to think about it and come back when I'd persuaded DP to have the snip, oh we laughed!

Sterilisation is quite a big OP. of course your GP won't just refer you for "wanting" to go through a painful procedure. You might have to do some jumping through hoops but he needs to see you really mean it.

[slowcomputer]

Sterilisation rates have plummeted because it has a higher failure rate than the mirena, copper coil, implant or depot, so you are more likely to get pregnant when sterilised than using one of those.

[poshme]

I know someone who was sterilised and still got pregnant. It was a disaster for her & life threatening. She had a termination & hysterectomy.
OP just consider- its not 100%

[Weegiemum]

My dh had a vasectomy at 32, while I was pg with dd2, my 3rd dc, conceived with a mirena in place (well, just out of place!).

I'd really nasty pg symtoms involving huge amount of painkillers and an air ambulance transfer.

sometimes you just know!

[saggybaggy]

fifi assumptions. I wasn't demanding it off the nhs by stating that it is my right. it means that since it is my body, and my life, it is my right to choose what to do with it. I have already said that I'll happily pay for it.

[saggybaggy]

thank you differentnameforthis I couldn't have put it better myself.

I asked DH last night if he would consider getting the snip and he said "Of course, I don't want anymore children. Not saying this will happen Saggy, but what if we got divorced in the future? Me being snipped will no longer proctect you. I'm getting the snip to protect us but mostly myself and I'm assuming the same is for you whether we stay married or not".

[FrigginRexManningDay]

Cutting off your arm is different to controlling your fertility. OP if I were you I would make an absolute pest of myself at the doctors until you are referred. HG is not just feeling sick, and a lot of women end up aborting due to HG.

[differentnameforthis]

I agree with different name for this, and her multi posts.

yeah, sorry about that VERY passionate about this topic after what happened in my case!

[fifi669]

OP you originally said you were angry with the GP for refusing and it was your right. It's not your right to demand it off the nhs. If you want to go private then that is your business and you can do as you wish.

With reference to my friend, she's not stupid, they discussed the vasectomy between them and agreed to get it done. It's only now several months later that they both think a happy accident wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. He won't get a reversal, they aren't that eager.

My views on abortion have no relevance to this subject. I'm not anti woman like you're trying to make me out to be. I just believe that the fetus is a person whereas you don't. Simple.