My feed
Premium
Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

To think it's unfair that I can't get my tubes tied?

217 replies

saggybaggy · 25/04/2014 18:46

It is my body at the end of the day right?

I have two beautiful DCs and I'm happy with just that. DH and I definitely do not want any more children and I chose to get sterilized.

So I went to the GP for my 6 weeks check up and had asked to get my tubes tied only to be refused because of my age (22) "Youre still young, you may change your mind" bullshi..!!

I'm happy with my decision so I think it's bloody unfair for my GP to refuse. Even if DH and I divorce (God forbid!) I won't all of a sudden feel 'cheated' as I personally do not want anymore children, even if the worst happened.

AIBU? It's our right, right?

OP posts:
Report
SoonToBeSix · 25/04/2014 20:52

Yabu , you can't know at 22 if you will want more dc in 10,15 or even 20 years time.

Report
TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 25/04/2014 20:56

Disagree. My friend knew she wanted no children at 18, she still knows it 20 years later.

Report
Mintyy · 25/04/2014 20:57

I think you can know. Its very patronising to say that you cannot.

Report
ICanSeeTheSun · 25/04/2014 21:01

I agree I am 28 and after DD was born almost 5 years ago I said I didn't want any more, so 24 and the feeling has changed in that i am relieved DH has had the snip.

I'm enjoying life, I love that me and DC can put on our coats and just go out. I love the fact that my body isn't being pumped with hormones. I am enjoying that fact my baby years are behind me.

Report
AlpacaYourThings · 25/04/2014 21:02

Some people at 22 know they don't want children. Some change their minds later on, others don't.

We don't have autonomy over our bodies, otherwise we would be able to end our lives legally. We don't.

I think the Dr also has the right to refuse to carry out or perform an operation that they don't feel comfortable with. Lots of doctors refuse to perform abortions.

Much as its your choice to have your tubes tied, it's also the doctors right to refuse to perform the operation.

Report
NurseyWursey · 25/04/2014 21:03

I think you can know. Its very patronising to say that you cannot.

The women who later regretted it would also say they knew though.

Report
Mintyy · 25/04/2014 21:09

Yes, Nursey, of course. But not all of them. Some people do know and it is wrong to say that they don't just because you are older and wiser.

Report
NurseyWursey · 25/04/2014 21:24

To be fair I'm only 3 years older than the OP and I think she should wait too but I do understand what you mean.

I just think it's always better to be able to have the choice rather than not. But thats me, not the OP.

Report
NinjaLeprechaun · 25/04/2014 21:24

Is having children not an irreversible, life-changing decision? Funny that nobody tells women they should avoid doing that in case they change their minds.

Report
Trills · 25/04/2014 21:26

I think you are being unreasonable.

It's not at all that you CAN'T have this procedure.

It's just that the NHS won't do it for you.

There are lots of reasons why the NHS chooses not to perform certain procedures or to prescribe certain drugs, and "quite a few people change their minds and wish they had not had this procedure" is not one of the worse reasons!

Report
NurseyWursey · 25/04/2014 21:29

ninja Plenty of ways to avoid having children that are not permanent.

Report
SystemIDUnknown · 25/04/2014 21:36

6 weeks post partum?

I bet at least half of us here were adamant we wouldn't want another at that stage.

YABU. I would judge any Doctor that agreed to sterilise a 22 year old.

Report
IckleBird · 25/04/2014 21:53

Im around your age too op and I'm adamant I don't want other dc,I have one but have not entered into the tubes tied idea yet as I'm aware I could change my mind (hormones) even though all my senses tell me I never will,I'm not that broody and I could never reasonably afford another child and il be enjoying the freedoms of having an older dc by that point also...

If you are adamant then you should save and go private imo as this isn't a necessary procedure and a personal choice/want.

Report
Meow75 · 25/04/2014 22:47

NinjaLeprechaun,

I'm so glad you brought that up. When I have done it IRL, I always get shouted down on account of the fact that I am biased. This just makes me laugh. Surely, those against sterilisation, whatever the reason, are just as biased. Can this subject have a middle ground, fence sitter option? I think not.

Report
NinjaLeprechaun · 25/04/2014 23:13

Nursey That wasn't exactly my point. There's no real way to have children that isn't permanent, but you don't often hear people advising people that they shouldn't have them because you can't know how you'll feel about it in 10 or 15 years.

If a woman can't be trusted to know that she doesn't want children then how can she possibly be expected to know that she does?

Although, admittedly, my ex's mother did tell me in front of her son that getting pregnant was "the worst mistake" I would "ever" make. But, then, she was always a bit nutty.
19 years after the fact I admit that having a child with her son in particular was ill advised, but the child herself has never been regretted.

Report
TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 25/04/2014 23:15

"If a woman can't be trusted to know that she doesn't want children then how can she possibly be expected to know that she does?"

^^this.

Report
ILoveCoreyHaim · 25/04/2014 23:18

I couldnt get mine tied either in my early 30's, i had 3 MC, 3DDs and a termintaion so asked for my tubes tied and they refused not once but twice so i have up and got the depo, im in my late 30s now, i might try again

Report
Nestabee · 25/04/2014 23:19

Sorry but yabu.

If you want a reversal (which is possible given you have another 20 years of potential fertility) the nhs will have to pay for this as well.

Can you go private at all?

Report
ILoveCoreyHaim · 25/04/2014 23:25

and yes birth control can fail, it did with dd2 and my DM fell PG with my 3rd DB with the coil fitted. OP YANBU if you want it reversed the NHS would refuse so it won't cost anything other than the initial op

Report
LucyBabs · 25/04/2014 23:25

I'm quite shocked by fifi comment "no its not your right, its a want"

I will do bloody well whatever I want with MY body

Unless of course you mean not your right to have it done on the NHS? Then I stand down Grin

Agree with linerunner

Report
Lottapianos · 25/04/2014 23:29

Absolutely Ninja. It just props up the stereotype that all 'normal' women want to have children, and as many as possible. And OP, you're 22, not 12 - all these 'you're so young' comments are out of order.

Report
eightandthreequarters · 25/04/2014 23:31

Of course YANBU. It is your body, and your choice how many children you have, and your choice to have no more. As you say, you will be free from worries about unwanted pregnancies for the rest of your life, and that's a massive advantage. I would be offended by that GP's decision, as well. You are not a child to be overruled because he knows your opinions better than you. He does not.

Report
eightandthreequarters · 25/04/2014 23:32

And of course it should be offered on the NHS. If you want a reversal later, pay for that.

Report
Nestabee · 25/04/2014 23:34

Is it true that the nhs never does reversals?

If this is the case then you are not being unreasonable. Your gp is. As long as people have to pay for reversals/and for fertility treatment afterwards etc themselves (without exception) then I think anyone should be able to be sterilised (both men and women of all ages).

I assumed that nhs does do reversals. Which is why they are reluctant to sterilise younger people (for statistical/cost reasons). If this isn't the case, I would have thought they would have no problem allowing them as they save so many £££s relating to contraception, abortions etc

Report
ILoveCoreyHaim · 25/04/2014 23:38

Can DH not ask to get the snip, they might be more open to a bloke getting it done

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.