To think it's unfair that I can't get my tubes tied?

[saggybaggy]

It is my body at the end of the day right?

I have two beautiful DCs and I'm happy with just that. DH and I definitely do not want any more children and I chose to get sterilized.

So I went to the GP for my 6 weeks check up and had asked to get my tubes tied only to be refused because of my age (22) "Youre still young, you may change your mind" bullshi..!!

I'm happy with my decision so I think it's bloody unfair for my GP to refuse. Even if DH and I divorce (God forbid!) I won't all of a sudden feel 'cheated' as I personally do not want anymore children, even if the worst happened.

AIBU? It's our right, right?

[PlentyOfPubeGardens]

I am shocked that so many women have such a hard time being 'allowed' to make this decision about their own bodies and fertility.

I had a sterilisation aged 29 after two uncomplicated pregnancies and easy births - my youngest DC was 2. I just went to the GP, got asked a few 'what if' questions, had the implications and risks explained to me and then was referred. No huge wait (I think it was about 6 weeks), no patronising shite - I was treated respectfully as a competent adult who was capable of making informed decisions. This was late 90's in London.

Have things changed in recent years or does it just depend on luck with GPs or what area you live in?

BTW, I never regretted it.

[NurseyWursey]

no different it was a different case of which I was personally involved with.

[tobysmum77]

it isnt necessarily an operation there is also essure.

[differentnameforthis]

fifi Your latest post is nothing like the one where you posted about your friend, but in that case, just because your friend was too hasty, doesn't mean the op is going to be.

[differentnameforthis]

NurseyWursey OK. I just remembered reading about something similar & wondered if that was the case you were talking about.

[VivaLeBeaver]

I'd support any woman's right to make an informed choice about her own body.

I was sterilised at 25 with one child. I had tried lots of other contraception and wasnt happy. My body rejects coils, I've had a few. I go bonkers on hormonal contraception. Tried all apart from the implant.

GP was happy to refer me.

[Jollyphonics]

OP I imagine your GP knows that a gynaecologist won't sterilise you, so there is no point in him/her incurring the costs of an outpatient referral. These days everyone is advised to have a Mirena first, and if that doesn't suit then sterilising can be considered. The reasons for this are that a Mirena is as effective as sterilisation, and is reversible, without any of the (significant) risks and costs of an operation.

There is also a litigation risk too. A 22 year old who is 6 weeks post partum could easily argue in the future that they were sterilised inappropriately. 22 is very young, and everyone knows that hormones are all over the place soon after having a baby. That's not being patronising, it's physiological fact. The surgeon would be opening himself up to litigation if you changed your mind in a few years time.

I suspect that even in the private sector you will struggle to find someone to do this for you at this point in time.

[FrigginRexManningDay]

Why should the OP be made to put hormones in her body for the next 28 years (assuming that she is going to double up with condoms too), when there is a perfectly fine option of sterilisation? I dont like hormonal contraception, the copper coil was disastrous.

[fifi669]

Differentname, I think you just read too much into the first post. I didn't state they'd discussed it as I assumed that's what couples do. They would be happy to have another if it failed but won't (at time of press) have a reversal.

[Shonajay]

Nobody is stopping you- go privately. Or see another doctor. It IS very young. Make an appt with another doctor in the practice and set out your reasons calmly, and you may well get the answer you want.

[Meerka]

jolly ahh, thats interesting that everyone is advised to go for the Mirena first. Once this baby is out I absolutely dare not risk another preg, to the point that my poor husband will have to do without PIV until I am certain that it won't happen (first son was born despite two forms of contraception).

My own consultant, who is generally very good at discussing -with- you instead of dictating, is really pushing the Mirena. Now I understand why.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

My Dsis was refused at 32 after 4 kids. GP said she was too young.

[ICanSeeTheSun]

At what does a women know she does want anymore.

I have 2dc a boy and a girl. My son is asd and hardwork. I get server morning sickness. I also get PND after each birth which takes me years to get under control.

I also got GERD, arthritis and some days struggle with pain.

If my DH and I was to divorce it still don't solve the reasons I have mentioned.

Mentally and physically I could go through another pregnancy.

Tried every contraception, even the coil fell out.

Yet I was still refused a sterilisation, where DH 5 years older than me got referred with no problem by the same doctor as me.

[moonegirl]

at 28 and after three children I was refused. my dh who is 29 saw the same gp and he agreed to him having the snip.

[ICanSeeTheSun]

A male can lie to the GP about how many children they have.

Nothing is documented medically when a man becomes a parent.

[EverybodysStressyEyed]

At this stage has your dp had the GP agree to do the snip?

If I were you I would get your do sorted out first. That sorts you out as a couple. In a few years you can then go back and if they still refuse go private.

As you are 6 months post partum wouldn't you want to wait until your baby is older before having an operation?

[twizzleship]

is it just me or is the 'go private' deliberately ignoring the posts re the NHS funding IVF and providing medical care for women who keep procreating? As it has been pointed out many times, having children is NOT medically necessary and having them at all - especially more than one - IS a lifestyle choice.

so how do the 'go private' brigade feel about refusing NHS funding for IVF and refusing NHS funded maternity care for any woman who already has one child and forcing them to all to 'go private', and if they can't afford to go private - well, just sit there and suffer it like you expect those wanting sterilisation on the NHS? Seems to me you are selfish and greedy, you want YOUR choices to be respected and paid for at others expense but you don't want that for every woman.

to me, this 'go private' nonsense just plays into and supports the patriarchal idealogy/system that says a womans only reason for existing is to breed future generations - so give her a hard time and make it next to impossible for her to refuse this role.

[ICanSeeTheSun]

I research private sterilisation.

If DH and I was to separate I would go for essure sterilisation

www.essure.co.uk/

It's dubbed the lunch time sterilisation.

[Mignonette]

Twizzle

You said it in a nutshell. The amount breeding humans cost the NHS and people are quibbling about the relatively low cost of tubal ligation and (possible) reversal....

Amazing. Think how much money is spent on Child benefit for a start.

[differentnameforthis]

ICanSeeTheSun He can, but he doesn't have to. The dr who refused me at 6 weeks pp told me to send my dh in & he would refer him instead.

Tell me, why is it OK for him to refer my dh, but not me?

[differentnameforthis]

twizzleship

Good post!

[ICanSeeTheSun]

I wish I knew the answer.

I would have preferred if I got sterilised over DH, because if our relationship ever did come to an end I would be faced with the dilemma over contraception.

[Bogeyface]

Without us "breeding humans" you wouldnt be here, or have mumsnet to moan about child benefit on.

Just sayin'

[Bogeyface]

Twizzle paying for maternity care is caring for women going through a normal physical process, one you yourself would have been through many times by now without contraception. It isnt a choice, anymore than it is a choice for a lion, elephant or shark to have offspring, it is a biological imperative.

Opting out of that is a choice, and therefore should not be considered in the same way.

[frogslegs35]

I was in the same position as you OP, same age as you are now too.
I had 3 dc and was 10 months pp.
Was basically laughed at when I attended the hospital appt - Gp had warned me that I probably wouldn't be allowed but referred me anyway.
The reasons given were the same as you've had and I was also given some info in a leaflet about how it's more likely to fail if you get it done at a younger age - they would do it when I got to 30.

I'm glad now that I didn't get it done as I'm with a different partner and currently ttc and obviously had no idea that I'd be with someone else, all this time later, with whom I want another child with.

At the same time a friend of mine who was the same age, with 2 dc was steralised. She went to a different consultant at another hospital. She said she didn't need to say much. She put her case across - Dr listened then agreed under the condition she had a counselling session before to make sure = done.