To ask those of you who are pro life?

[Anonynony]

How do you feel about friends who have had abortions? Can you maintain friendships with people who have had an abortion and no regrets?

One of my friends has stunned me, talking about another friend of ours who had considered an abortion and my friend said I'm so glad she didn't because I wouldn't have been able to stay friends with her
I'm really surprised, I'm extremely pro choice and vocal about it but this doesn't bother my friend.
But what my friend doesn't know is that I also had an abortion and although I have no regrets I feel a bit strange around my friend now?

Dawn, its illegal to abort after 24 weeks unless for a medical condition, so clearly the law doesn't agree its the womans right to choose after that point. When I said advocating, I was referring to posters who were clearly stating their approval of killing a baby when it was nearly full term and viable. That is wrong imo and the law agrees.

I am glad you dont judge smokers and drinkers etc, as that would make you a hypocrite. I'm well aware most abortions are early.

That suits me just fine Dawn. :)

Here's a link to the definition of advocate for you.

It's yet another straw man from the anti-choice brigade, BabyFace. We love it when women decide to terminate pregnancies at the very last minute, but are outspoken against those who smoke or use antidepressants while pregnant. Apparently

Thebaby, my point was many people who support abortion even when the baby is almost viable would judge a pregnant smoker. Mumsnet is full of judgepants when it comes to smoking in pregnancy, for example. I bet many of these people don't have a problem killing a foetus though, for the reason its the mothers choice. If you believe in the womans choice to do one thing in pregnancy then you must be ok with their choice to do anything at all, including taking crack and heroin.

I am fully pro-life (have no problems with the term, and I don't believe that women have a choice to end another person's life, which I believe begins at conception). But I don't believe it's helpful for me to judge somebody else's decision, as I don't walk in their shoes.

I accompanied a friend who had an abortion, about ten years ago. She never knew what my personal views were. I didn't think it would be in any way helpful to share them. All that would have happened is that she would have felt angry, judged, and gone through the experience alone instead of with a friend by her side. it wouldn't have changed her decision, which she had made for her own reasons that felt right to her. It wasn't my decision, or my choice, the only choice I could make was whether to support my friend or not, and I believe I made the right choice.

I also had a pregnancy where the baby was diagnosed with a condition incompatible with life. I didn't terminate, but miscarried naturally. I hope I would have carried to term, but I can't be sure what I would do if in that position again - I honestly don't think anybody knows until it happens. Afterwards I made contact with other women who have had the same prenatal diagnosis, and most people do terminate, as there is a 100% mortality rate with the condition, babies are unable to survive outside the womb and live for a few hours at most. So I do know a lot of people who have had terminations for medical reasons. My heart goes out to all of them, I know the heartbreak their decision has brought them and that they made their decision for the right reasons, and it is most definitely not for me to say that they were wrong to do so, I don't think anybody has the right to judge that and I would feel furious with anyone who tried.

So no, I wouldn't fall out with anyone over an abortion, I don't see what it would achieve, or who it would help.

Garlic, I am not anti choice, Ive stated that several times. I do judge and feel cold towards certain women who abort, depending on (the very wide range of) circumstances, but I would never agree with taking the choice away.

As said, people will judge others choices in life. Abortions are no different.

Garlic

22 seriously? Are you suggesting that people who are pro-choice (which you stated you were iirc) advocate pregnant women taking class a drugs?

I am not sure that I could be friends with someone who used abortion as birth control and left it late as someone posted above. I doubt we would have much in common.

personally, I find thinking about abortions quite hard as I lost a baby to miscarriage, so in your case of past abortion would probably not want to discuss it with you.

Anything else and I would have to see the circumstances at the time, the closeness of the friendship, and how I was feeling at the time.

namechange I am currently in a similar situation to where you were - currently 30 weeks pregnant with a baby girl who has a condition which is incompatible with life. I'm in Northern Ireland where abortion is illegal even for medical reasons. It's tough.

22honey, I know what you are saying about supporting a woman's right to choose abortion but judging women on their choices to smoke/drink/take drugs during pregnancy. Some people will try to twist your words and suggest you are making straw man arguments etc but in case you start to doubt yourself - you are making sense! :)

No Thebaby, I'm saying if you agree the mothers choice over her body trumps the rights of the foetus with regards to abortion, then you surely must also agree its her choice to take crack or heroin whilst pregnant, her choice is more important than the fetus.

'Advocating' it means you are supporting it (as a poster was doing before with regards to killing a baby at almost full term if its the mothers choice), and I did not suggest that, I stated what many pro choice people state which is its the mothers body so her choice, and that you wouldn't be in the position to judge. Saying you wouldn't be in the position to judge a crack and heroin taking mother isnt the same as saying you are advocating it.

Thebaby I do not consider the situation you are in (needing/being unable to get a termination due to medical issues) to be within the brackets of what I am talking about here, just so you know. I am talking here more abortions for financial and social reasons, often which are quite materialistic and cold. I am really, really sorry about your predicament by the way, you must be having a terrible and emotional time at the moment. I hope for the best for you and that you have adequate support xx

22 anyone can decide to do whatever they like! I wouldn't be in a position to judge a pregnant woman for doing drugs. Her body, her choice. She is given as much opportunity as anyone else to know what the potential risks are and if she wants to do that well that's her business and really has no impact on me.

People will always find things to judge others about, that's life. Just because you support a woman's right to make a choice, it doesn't necessarily mean you would make that choice yourself.

babyfaced, I'm so sorry that you're in that situation. It is a dreadful, heartbreaking thing for anyone to have to go through. I've got nothing but empathy and sadness for someone in your situation. There is no happy outcome, I know, and I hope you have the support you need to get through this xxxx

22 thanks and I understand that you are not talking about a situation like mine. My case is thankfully rare and uncommon.

My opinion is on very late term abortions which are not an option in the UK for anything other than the most deverstating circumstances. There is a huge difference in my opinion between a woman oting out of a pregnancy and ending her pregnancy before 20 weeks and a woman choosing to end the life of a fetus that can survive outside the womb.

Some posters have said that pro-choice should mean the woman has the right to choose until the head is out of the vagina, I think that very few people are in reality in favour of such laws but do you have to believe that to class yourself as pro-choice?

I feel the cut off point for abortions for healthy fetuses and mothers should be around 20 weeks, I feel that after that there is a chance of the baby surviving and although I would say a woman should have the choice to end the pregnancy at any point she shouldn't have the option to end the life of the fetus.

I live in a country where there is no limit for abortion but I don't think many very late abortions happen for reasons other than fetuses incompatable with life which in my opinion is very different and I don't feel the same about late abortions in those circumstances.

Thanks namechange. It's horrible. But we will get through it.

Anonynony, I donate to that charity every month. I haven't had an abortion myself but when I read about the help they give Irish women I felt overcome with gratitude to the British for helping Irish women. I'd find it difficult to maintain a friendship with somebody who found it difficult to maintain a friendship with a woman who'd had an abortion. So that would be uncomplicated.

Bumbly I am in favour of reducing the limit in fact to 22 or even 20 weeks based on the fact that 24 week babies are increasingly surviving now and would certainly be resuscitated and taken to NICU. Medically a lower limit makes sense to me.

However we would need to make sure that services were easy and quick to access so that women who do want to terminate are able to do so as early as possible and no-one misses the deadline.

I would still want the current reasons for late abortions ie severe disability, risk to mothers health left as I do understand that my personal views in these areas are not mainstream.

I don't have time to read all of this. I am pro-life as far as I am concerned but accept that it is lawful to have an abortion within the context of the legislation. I am also a practising Christian. I might judge personally but I also forgive.

Personally I think people should be forgiven their mistakes but should be supported not to make them twice. I do have problems when people get pregnant time and time again and use abortion as a form of contraception.

I think abortion has its place and if forced underground women would be in danger but think society has also lost a sense of its responsibility vis a vis supporting people to take responsibility for their actions and their decisions.

When I said advocating, I was referring to posters who were clearly stating their approval of killing a baby when it was nearly full term and viable. That is wrong imo and the law agrees.
Gosh, the recruitment process is long and labourius, isn't it Bumbly and yet, the comprehension just the same. Wilfully misinterpreting as we go along 22.

Regardless of whether or not the foetus can survive outside of the uterus, why should the rights of the foetus trump the rights of the mother? If the woman does not want to continue with the pregnancy, why should she be forced to endure the emotional trauma and distress of continuing?

Regardless of whether or not the foetus can survive outside of the uterus, why should the rights of the foetus trump the rights of the mother? If the woman does not want to continue with the pregnancy, why should she be forced to endure the emotional trauma and distress of continuing? She shouldn't have to endure a pregnancy, she could be induced and deliver a very small very sick baby but I believe that baby should have the right to a chance at life, why should the mother have the right to stop that babies life and then end the pregnancy? WHat difference does it make to her if the baby's life is stopped before the birth?

Barking.