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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask those of you who are pro life?

999 replies

Anonynony · 21/04/2014 14:49

How do you feel about friends who have had abortions? Can you maintain friendships with people who have had an abortion and no regrets?

One of my friends has stunned me, talking about another friend of ours who had considered an abortion and my friend said I'm so glad she didn't because I wouldn't have been able to stay friends with her Shock
I'm really surprised, I'm extremely pro choice and vocal about it but this doesn't bother my friend.
But what my friend doesn't know is that I also had an abortion and although I have no regrets I feel a bit strange around my friend now?

OP posts:
bumbleymummy · 23/04/2014 12:01

gordy, that was a specific example that differentname gave and that was what I was addressing in my reply. If those are the types of reasons that people are being turned down for and there are no other problems then I think that is an example of why improvements in the system are needed.

MaidOfStars · 23/04/2014 12:02

You know what the current age of viability is and I said that I did not support it under that age

What is the age of viability for the fetus Baby is carrying?

bumbleymummy · 23/04/2014 12:05

LtEve, mismanaged miscarriage and failure in duty of care. Her life was not considered to be in danger at first. They missed the signs that her condition was deteriorating. :(

gordyslovesheep · 23/04/2014 12:07

there will be other problems - trust me on that - SS are desperate for adopters - they don't turn them down just for that

TheBabyFacedAssassin · 23/04/2014 12:09

Bumbley you may feel that way but if people could have an insight into why you think the way they do I really think it would be beneficial. I have attempted on a number of occasions to identify some logic in your views but I can't. I don't say that to goad, I genuinely would like to try to understand your reasoning.

bumbleymummy · 23/04/2014 12:09

Maid, you know what the current legal age of viability is in UK. Laws are not based on individual circumstances.

MaidOfStars · 23/04/2014 12:10

Maid, you know what the current legal age of viability is in UK. Laws are not based on individual circumstances

I'm not asking you about the legal position.

You know what the current age of viability is and I said that I did not support it under that age

What is the age of viability for the fetus Baby is carrying?

bumbleymummy · 23/04/2014 12:11

gordy, you can discuss that with differentname if you like. I'm just going on the information that she gave in her post.

BabyFaced, if you are genuinely interested, I would be happy to PM you later.

TheBabyFacedAssassin · 23/04/2014 12:15

Yes bumbley, I would appreciate that.

Dawndonnaagain · 23/04/2014 12:15

Why won't you put it in the public domain, Bumbley?

bumbleymummy · 23/04/2014 12:16

Ok babyfaced, I will PM you later.

differentnameforthis · 23/04/2014 12:18

I would never consider it acceptable to air these thoughts to such people though, that would be insensitive, cruel and rude.

Hypocrite!!

But I don't think anyone who uses words like vile, cold-hearted and disgusting to describe women who have abortions for specific reasons she disapproves of can ever be called pro choice. Totally agree!

I find it disturbing that in 2014 some people think that a foetus doesn't have its own body or a right to life until its head emerges from a woman's vagina And I find it equally disturbing that you do not agree with terminations in the case of rape.

I believe killing your unborn child for social reasons is the most selfish thing anyone could do. Luckily for you, you weren't raised by a mother who didn't want you & couldn't hide that fact from you, in my experience, that you way more selfish than anything I know right now.

You can not get pregnant to start with! So you are advocating not having sex at all, unless you want to get pregnant? Because that is THE only failsafe way to prevent pregnancy.

*Why are pro-lifers so keen that children grow up in these circumstances?8 The irony, hey? You aren't allowed to abort your child if you can't afford to feed/clothe/love/care for it, but watch SS come down on you like a tonne of bricks for neglecting it...Because neglect is better than listening to a woman admit that she cannot raise a baby, isn't it.

No one is forced to raise a child they don't want. To make out that they'd have to is stupid. My mum had to raise me.....That isn't stupid to point that out, it is fact.

Dawndonnaagain · 23/04/2014 12:20

No one is forced to raise a child they don't want. To make out that they'd have to is stupid.
Me too.

differentnameforthis · 23/04/2014 12:20

It may damage your mental health though? Get a grip. When I was pregnant with my unwanted pregnancy, while waiting for my appointment date for my termination to come through, I thought that it would be easier to crash my car into something to induce a miscarriage.

My friend had PND so severely, she had visions of killing her days old baby.

Doesn't damage your mental health, my fecking arse!!

Dawndonnaagain · 23/04/2014 12:21

as in, I too was raised by a woman who didn't want me. That's good old fashioned catholicism for you.

TheBabyFacedAssassin · 23/04/2014 12:22

Sorry bumbley I was just rethinking, why can't you share here? You worried that people might think less of you? Because I'm not really sure that's something you need to worry about. Don't bother with the pm, hormones getting the better of me there. Either share with all or continue to feel misunderstood, though you have been given the stage to explain and have denied.

bumbleymummy · 23/04/2014 12:22

different, I don't think that makes someone a hypocrite - they're just being sensitive to the person's situation. People do it a lot irt other people's parentlng choices that they may not agree with.

re rape, I've explained before that I don't think the method of conception changes the foetus' right to life. Tbh I think it would make me a hypocrite to say otherwise and I'm pretty sure plenty of people here wouldn't hesitate to say that either.

Dawndonnaagain · 23/04/2014 12:23

I find it disturbing that in 2014 some people think that a foetus doesn't have its own body or a right to life until its head emerges from a woman's vagina

It is only after birth, with the separation of the baby from the uterus and the umbilical cord, that wakefulness truly begins"
RCOG.

differentnameforthis · 23/04/2014 12:25

It's better to 'punish' the mother than kill the child.

It isn't a child while in the womb.

You have no fucking idea what that punishment feels like. YOU are advocating punishing a woman for getting pregnant, and at that, you punish the child. If you aren't a troll, or playing a barbaric case of devils advocate, you are the worse person I have had the displeasure to talk to on here.

And that ends my interaction with you!

basgetti · 23/04/2014 12:26

What about the rape victim's right to life bumbley? Is existing and breathing the only measurement of life that matters to you? As long as the baby has been born your job is done?

gordyslovesheep · 23/04/2014 12:26

Bumbly - why don't you give your own answers to questions?

you are the one advocating a return to the mother and baby homes of 1950's Ireland - I don't thing Different was at all

you feel women should be forced to continue with unwanted pregnancies to produce and never ending stream of acceptable babies for people that SS have turned down - can you not defend that yourself?

twofingerstoGideon · 23/04/2014 12:29

Thanks to BabyFacedAssassin and LtEve for posting about their real experiences. Thanks

MaidOfStars · 23/04/2014 12:31

Why won't you put it in the public domain, Bumbley?

This. I am certainly not in the business of mockery or ridicule. I do not think that admitting or acknowledging sticky points is a problem in open debate. I've debated with far more extreme prolifers than you and managed to have meaningful discussion. I am very intrigued why you continue to hide behind terms like "viability" when they are rendered meaningless in some circumstances. I am therefore very intrigued as to how you might be able to frame your objections in a case like Baby's without resorting to terms like "viability", perhaps even to see if there can still be objections, perhaps to see if there are clearer ideas on which morals and law can be based.

Why can't you just say "no, I wouldn't have sanctioned an abortion in Baby's circumstances at 12 weeks"? It's not hard, I've just typed it and it's not even my point of view.

bumbleymummy · 23/04/2014 12:31

BabyFaced, I explained why further upthread. I don't care whether people think less of me or not. The thread isn't just about me and my opinions. I don't see the need to derail it even further by going into details about my beliefs when no one actually wants to try to understand them anyway.

I've already said that I would be happy to share on a more civilised discussion where people aren't looking for any excuse to have a go rather than actually trying to understand someone's position. They do actually exist.

I won't PM you if you don't want me to.

gordyslovesheep · 23/04/2014 12:33

I understand your position ... 'baby' good - women bad ...it's not complex