to be uncomfortable with a naked incontinent toddler?

[prudenceprude]

We visited family yesterday. Their two yo dd stripped off after dinner, pooed on the floor and then ran around naked for the rest of the afternoon.

Their house, their rules and I would never have said anything but we are contemplating not visiting for a while.

They made no attempt to dress her and found it hilarious. My 11yo ds1 was mortified, I was more worried about the hygiene factor.

Aibu and a prude? I'm generally very laid back but felt really uncomfortable. I'd be fine with naked kids in the paddling pool in the garden, for eg, or just out of the bath for a run around, but stripping off after dinner, shutting under the table and then spending the afternoon flollopping about naked with no attempt to dress her or even put pants on her made me feel a bit queasy.

Is it me?

[badidea]

I visited friends the other day who have 3 small boys. The middle child is 3 and only wear a t-shirt for most of my visit. He eventually put clothes on when they went to the park.

Was I offended? Did I pluck out my eye? No. He's 3 years old and didn't want to wear pants (he's fully toilet trained). He's a child, there is nothing sexual (unless you have severe issues) about a 3 year old running around indoors naked from the waist down.

The poohing incident is pretty ming, but if they're toilet training it happens (not that DS1 ever did this, but I'm sure it's not that uncommon) but the attitudes to young children being naked appalls me, why do you need to 'cover up' a toddlers bum in case it offends an adult? I mean, really????

[TinyTear]

YANBU

I actually cut real life contact with someone from my birth group as when we went to visit with the 8 month olds who were all crawling on the floor she let her 2yo run about with no pants on sitting on the toys she little kids were playing with...

[SoftSheen]

YANBU. The combination of potty training and dinner party-hosting requires the use of a pull-up at the bare minimum. Personally I would also put a t-shirt or dress on the child as well.

[nowahousewife]

Nakedness fine, pooing just yuck! Especially during a meal! Just no!

[Owllady]

I don't think u are being unreasonable either

[SizzlesSit]

Yanbu.

I also dont get why toilet-training= naked. We've just trained DS. In certain trousers the wee would just run down and make a puddle, needing cleaning. In others it would get absorbed by the trousers so we only needed to clean up DS and change his clothes. No puddle to deal with so less work. Yes a bit more washing but we never had more than 2 accidents a day so it wasnt too bad.

[MoominsAreScary]

Depends on the child sizzle, my first two wore pants and bottoms. Ds3 wanted to use the potty and was able to but the moment he had something on his bottom half he weed so was bottomless in the house for months.

[edwardcullensotherwoman]

I'm with you OP. Shit on the floor is part and parcel of little ones?? Not in my house! Sizzles I know loads of people who said "summer is best for potty training as you can let them run around with nothing on" - how is that teaching them properly? Part of potty training is learning to keep pants clean/dry, removing clothes properly to use the toilet etc.

I would not be comfortable in someone's house with an incontinent toddler running around naked. I don't even let my own children do it. We ran out of nappies the other week - DD was just out of the bath when we realised so she sat on a towel on my lap while DH went out for nappies. Nakedness and incontinence just don't mix IMO, especially in front of all over 15 dinner guests!

[edwardcullensotherwoman]

I'm with you OP. Shit on the floor is part and parcel of little ones?? Not in my house! Sizzles I know loads of people who said "summer is best for potty training as you can let them run around with nothing on" - how is that teaching them properly? Part of potty training is learning to keep pants clean/dry, removing clothes properly to use the toilet etc.

I would not be comfortable in someone's house with an incontinent toddler running around naked. I don't even let my own children do it. We ran out of nappies the other week - DD was just out of the bath when we realised so she sat on a towel on my lap while DH went out for nappies. Nakedness and incontinence just don't mix IMO, especially in front of all over 15 dinner guests!

[whyisthishappening]

We had a similar sort of incident with my parents friends/distant family and their toddler when I was young.

They were visiting our family but their toddler peed his nappy then they let him wander about nappy-less at my parents house for the rest of the day; he was toilet training. My mum was slightly on edge for the whole visit.

My sister and I were 12 and 8. We were forced to take him to the park next to our house without any pants on. I said he can't go down the slide without a nappy on but the parents weren't bothered as he didn't like slides - can't imagine why!

I found it really embarrassing and humiliating at the park and a few of the parents at the park made comments and were obviously disapproving. I went home and told everyone but was told I was being ridiculous. My brother, who was slightly older, found it very amusing.

I went to my room and sulked until they left; the highlight of the visit came when the toddler came upstairs and started lobbing stuff downstairs. I stayed in my room.

I think we kept making the visits to them for the next few years as they got through toilet training their kid. We avoided hot days out with them.

[whyisthishappening]

toilet training their Kids....

[indigo18]

Only on mumsnet!
Why on earth is the OP told she is storing up trouble by 'pandering' to her pre-teen DS? Surely it is part of normal child/adolescent development to be uncomfortable in the presence of a naked, shitting child, especially when not a sibling?
Crapping on the floor formed no part of potty training for my children and I think it is gross that the hostess put her child in such a position. Pants on, for everyone's sake.
With regard to nakedness, I don't really think that anyone outside close family should have to be in a position of being with naked children; in the current climate , where men in particular are afraid to even address a child for fear of coming under suspicion, it seems rather ridiculous; looks like the hostess is wanting to show how 'liberal' her parenting is. Not impressed.

[shewhowines]

Nakedness fine at home with close family, not particularly awful in front of others, but just not necessary. I would expect that an effort would be made to encourage them to wear something.

We never had any pooing on the floor either. When they are ready for toilet training they will do it, with or without clothes.

[JuliaScurr]

this thread is an eye opener for me: I honestly had no idea people are upset by nude toddlers using potties

[Floggingmolly]

There was no potty involved, Julia... Under the table where 15+ guests were eating pudding was pressed into service as a makeshift latrine.

[CalamityKate1]

My friend and I have 3 boys between us, all within a year of each other age-wise and found it pointless to keep dressing them when they were toddlers, especially when they were all together. Toddlers are natural nudists. Our respective gardens used to resemble a set for The Lord of The Flies, with seemingly feral, grubby, naked small boys scampering round whooping.

The amount of washing I end up doing now, I reminisce fondly about their naked days....

[CalamityKate1]

It was their choice to get nekkid by the way.

[ProudAsPunch92]

I must be in the minority too, as I believe it is highly unhygenic to be running around naked, and guests may feel uncomfortable with a naked little girl running around them.

When my niece was about 3 and my brother had his male friends round she used to come in naked and sit on their knee and stuff and his friends told me they found it ridiculously awkward and uncomfortable.
I think underwear should be worn when guests are round, when they're not there it's different.

As for the nakedness and incontinence, I feel for you there - my nephew (brother of niece I was just talking about) used to run around his garden naked just weeing wherever he fancied - I also found this disgusting because he would then be in the house and just have a wee wherever because he thought this was acceptable!

[Saski]

I certainly don't have a problem with a naked 2 year old but I have never observed a 2 year old who didn't have a need for a teeny bit of privacy when pooing.

[Thurlow]

Sure, toddlers are natural nudists. And that's fine. I can well imagine a garden full of naked toddlers during the summer with a paddling pool out and think that would be perfectly normal. However, while I thought I was relaxed about nudity, even for me a toddler running around inside on a not particularly warm day with no clothes on is a little bit... strange, I think. There's no real need for them to strip off mid-day. It's one thing if they sprint off mid-change and dash around the house with no clothes on. There's nothing embarrassing or shameful about a naked toddler.

But in the circumstances described by the OP - so not a hot summer afternoon in the garden - I'd be putting some pants or shorts on my toddler at the very least.

[JonathanGirl]

I've always grown up with the idea that if you're sitting down for a meal, you put some clothes on.

When it's hot, my dad and brothers are often bare chested most of the day, but they wouldn't dream of coming to the table like that, they always put a t shirt on.

To me, nakedness and eating just don't go together, I would have been very uncomfortable in the situation in the op. It just feels really unhygienic to me.

[WildThong]

I think you have a point actually. A wee pair of pants or a nappy would not be too much to expect when visitors are in.

[HomeIsWhereTheGinIs]

Oh God, this thread makes me despair. Bring on Zompoc because if this general attitude is generally widespread, there's no hope for civilisation.

It is fine for a toddler to be naked at home, in a paddling pool or bath. But part of parenting is teaching them when it is appropriate to be naked and when to be clothed. And at the table, clothed is the way to go. At the very least a nappy and t-shirt.

My main problem here is that they had guests. The crux of the issue, when it comes to good manners, is making your guests feel comfortable. So in the same way that you change out of your PJs into clothes when you have guests, it's never too early to teach children how not to make people feel uncomfortable. And the fact is that like it or not, some people just aren't comfortable around naked toddlers. So I deem it very ill-mannered to make your guests deal with naked children that aren't theirs.

The poo under the table just defies belief. If the parents hadn't apologised and made it clear that they were appalled (and then put a nappy on their child), I would have left. If that kind of behaviour is genuinely acceptable in society as opposed to just here on MN (worse, if it's deemed "cute" and if people that might not like the idea of watching a toddler poo centimeters from their food are said to be "uptight"), then it's all downhill from here on. Time to buy a country retreat with tall walls and gun turrets.

OP, YADNBU, don't go back.

[Applespearsorangesandlemons]

I don't see any need for toddlers to wander round naked as a matter of course. Sure they take their clothes off but I get them to put them back on again. I don't find naked toddlers cute or funny just fairly unnecessary to wander round the house in company.

[ViviPru]

God, only on Mumsnet.