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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being over sensitive and unreasonable?

156 replies

Beavie · 20/04/2014 03:21

It is dp's 40th in the summer. For a long time he has made it clear that he would like to be abroad for his birthday. The problem is, I am doing an access course this year with no financial help and I am so poor I can barely afford to feed myself and the kids let alone think about saving up for a holiday. We don't live together and dp's wages wouldn't stretch to taking me and my kids on holiday as well as him and his own kids.

Dp gets quite irate that I 'won't' do anything about his 40th. I keep telling him I can't shit miracles, and yes it's bad timing but I can't do anything about the fact that this year I am really skint. Next year when I am at uni I will have a lot more cash floating around and I have suggested maybe we go away at Christmas instead and just do something little on his actual birthday.

Now he has announced that he wants to go to Thailand with a female friend. He had known her for a long time and they are just platonic friends but all the same I feel like it's a bit of a kick in the teeth for me to think he will be going away for a month to celebrate his 40th with another woman. But, basically if he stays in England to be with me he will always resent me for it and probably have a shit birthday as I won't be able to afford to do much for him. Am I being unreasonable in having a bit of an issue with him going?

OP posts:

gamerchick · 20/04/2014 13:54

You're all wasting your time...anybody who thinks like that isn't going to see any other point of view.

You probably shouldn't come and give your side ex bloke though or you're likely to get slaughtered.

clam · 20/04/2014 13:56

Is this for real?
Beavis ex: you're an arse. She's well-rid.

RedRoom · 20/04/2014 14:06

Hello Beavie's ex. Can you not see that you have been very insensitive to Beavie's situation? She is struggling for money as she studies and brings up children. Your bday holiday is a lavish, indulgent affair. It's great that you can afford it, but awful and embarrassing for you to expect Beavie's to be scraping pennies together for months to try and fund a trip that no student with dependants would really expect to go on. As for the telling her off for buying Kinder eggs: maybe you could buy a bloody egg since you have several grand for a holiday knocking around and your ex partner has virtually nothing.

You owe her a huge apology for your behaviour. Look at how you have made her feel.

AlpacaPicnic · 20/04/2014 14:09

I really wanted to go to the USA for my thirtieth. At the time I earned loads more than my DH because I had a local govt job and he worked in retail. He couldn't have afforded it. So do you know what I did? I took him with me... Because that's what partners do. It's kind of the definition.

I'm saving up for another trip now but he doesn't want to go so i'll happily go on my own. But if he wanted to, we'd work it out. Because that's what partners do. And I would begrudge him a fucking kinder egg either.

Beavie, you are so better off alone. Hope the door hit his arse on the way out.

YouTheCat · 20/04/2014 14:11

You are well rid, OP.

Original poster

Beavie · 20/04/2014 14:28

His side of it is that 'I see you didn't tell them the whole story. What about the fact that I paid for you and your kids to go on holiday last year?'

Yes that is true, we went to France and had a lovely time, though the trip was not optional in that he insisted on going away, he wanted us to go with him and therefore paid as I had no money. Ever since though, he had held this against me, on an almost daily basis.

Also, don't really see how that is relevant to not being able to afford to go away this year either!

OP posts:

Nennypops · 20/04/2014 14:30

Beavie's ex, would you care to take the chance to explain your point of view? It's very easy to register.

Nennypops · 20/04/2014 14:31

Agreed, what happened last year isn't relevant.

Original poster

Beavie · 20/04/2014 14:40

Also, none of your opinions count as you are all bitter and twisted btw.

OP posts:

badtime · 20/04/2014 14:45

I am neither bitter nor twisted.

Your ex is, at best, incredibly insensitive and inconsiderate, as well as being immature. Someone who was not insensitive, inconsiderate and immature would accept the fact that you didn't have money to do this, and not throw their toys out of the pram; they would also try not to make you feel bad about it (or, at least, not try to make you feel bad).

Beavies ex, not everything is about you. Other people are not less important than you. Beavie is well rid of you.

clam · 20/04/2014 14:45

Bitter and twisted? Ha! Does he often resort to clichéd insults when he fears he's losing an argument?

You're well out of this one, Beavie.

gamerchick · 20/04/2014 14:48

See.. told you

he sounds weird with money.. lucky escape OP although sad for your bairns if they like him.

littledrummergirl · 20/04/2014 14:52

Beavies ex. I hope you are never intrusted to teach the children in your care about morals, relationships or how to be a decent, caring human being.
Beavie. Good luck for the future.

CookieLady · 20/04/2014 14:58

I'm really pleased you've dumped him. What a waste of space. Seriously, begrudging a child a chocolate so that he can mark the fact he's one step closer to his grave(!)

stiffstink · 20/04/2014 15:01

You'd have to buy 6000 kinder eggs to equate to a £3k holiday. From now until the summer, its 66 kinder eggs a day.

OP, your house must be full of tiny plastic tat!

JustPassingThru · 20/04/2014 15:05

He sounds like a toddler. I think this Thailand holiday situation has shown him in his true colours. You now have a solid reason to go your separate ways - whether or not he ends up going to Thailand. You deserve better.

slithytove · 20/04/2014 15:15

I'm not bitter and twisted. I love Thailand, visit frequently.

Your ex is still a dick

OnlyLovers · 20/04/2014 15:43

Taking someone on holiday and then holding it against them/bringing it out in arguments forever after is not reasonable behaviour.

SoleSource · 20/04/2014 15:50

OPs ex is crap on my shoe. Thai bride will soon realise what a using, selfish shit you are.

AlpacaPicnic · 20/04/2014 15:52

He'll be calling us a bunch of man hating vipers next...

I'll be sobbing into my pillow tonight.

Original poster

Beavie · 20/04/2014 16:06

I doubt he will find a Thai bride.

He will probably just shag prostitutes like he normally does when he goes out there.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 20/04/2014 16:13

In which case, this holiday is the least of your problems.

slithytove · 20/04/2014 16:13

Are you ok Beavie? I know we are all making light of this and telling your XP what a twat he is, but I don't want your upset ignored.

ItsAFuckingVase · 20/04/2014 16:16

I'm neither bitter nor twisted, thanks!

I can't imagine anybody I know ever being down on their partner buying their child a kinder egg as a treat because the money could or should have been spent on them instead.

I spent a small fortune on my DH's last birthday. The things he loved the most were the daft balloons I blew up and put in the living room and the fact that I made him breakfast, and in doing so had to learn to light the grill (lighter thing broken and very tricky to ignite!). Oh and the fact that we spent the whole day together laughing and having fun.

He sounds a tit.

weatherall · 20/04/2014 16:23

I find it quite scary that someone who is abusive like this is employed in one of our schools.

Nasty, nasty man.

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