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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by this (yes, benefits related, sorry)

406 replies

Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 12:15

Name changed for this.

Dsd is with is is week. She randomly just dropped in to the conversation that her mums bf has moved a lot of his stuff back to his parents as he has moved back there in order that they can get more money which they need to buy a house in August. He still visits every day and stays over some nights. She was talking about his Xbox and said it was at his parents as he needed to have enough things there to convince 'them' that he didn't live there anymore.

To me this reads that he has nominally moved out in order that the mum can claim housing benefit again (as she only works a couple of days a week)

They have reserved a new build house that should be ready in august, dsd says they don't have enough money for it yet though.

The bf is in a well paid job, I think he earns nearly as much as dh actually. They are obviously impatient to move which I do understand. But this doesn't seem a very honest way to go about it. Dh and I saved for ages to have a house deposit.

Dh told me that his ex has been investigated for benefit fraud before although I have no idea what for, that was years ago. I only know because she thought it was him that reported her (he wasn't)

It's not that I have anything against dsd mum, I don't really know her but she seems nice enough. And it's not that I have any plans to try and report her or anything (unless people think I should!) I realise I know nothing like the full story. I'm just feeling rather grr about it.

OP posts:
lottieandmia · 18/04/2014 13:01

Emma - how is it fraud to move out of someone's house and into your parents so you can save up money? It would only be fraud if he continued to pay bills for his OH.

lottieandmia · 18/04/2014 13:02

And your comment to Derek is out of order.

EatShitDerek · 18/04/2014 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlpacaYourThings · 18/04/2014 13:02

Oh look, the wankers have turned up! Who had 52 posts in? Come and collect your winnings Wink

HappyGirlNow · 18/04/2014 13:03

Posters who reply saying it's no-ones business royally fuck me off. It is everyone's business when they use money meant for people who NEED it, money I'VE CONTRIBUTED TOO.

Love that we have a benefit system for those who need it HATE MORAL- FREE BENEFIT CHEATS. They actually disgust me.

MNwidowed · 18/04/2014 13:04

She probably has but, so what! Lets face it most people on here would have claimed something that was, or is from tax payers money. Things like child benefit. Alot of people need it but alot of people don't. Going to the doctors for an appointment that really probably wasn't that necessary, government subsidised schemes. wasting too much paper in the toilets at the hospital, you get the point. Look at it this way if she is doing that, once she gets her house she won't be able to claim HB again(or at least near impossible) so maybe there is a future saving there. It's too grey and muddy an area to let it bother you that much.

fidelineish · 18/04/2014 13:07

Derek do you not feel ashamed of taking money of other taxpayers if/when you don't need to?

LadyEmma where did EatShitDerek say she didn't need to? She has bills to pay and a house to run like anyone else. She hasn't said her boyf is supporting her. Why would he be? Very odd worldview you have there Hmm

OP if you are not aiming for cattiness you need to re-read your post.

Gen35 · 18/04/2014 13:08

I agree with you op but I think you have to forget about it. It's wrong to teach kids that working the system is clever rather than working hard and saving but you'll get nowhere talking about it with anyone other than your dh. Sounds like the ex-w has found someone who shares her flexible morals, all you and dh can do is lead by better example for the dsd. Schemers do get less far in life than hard workers in general.

fidelineish · 18/04/2014 13:09

Do you Happy? They disgust you do they?

More disgusting than embittered and nosey second wives on the hunt for aspects of the first wife's private affairs to bitch about and cause trouble with? It's one way to look at it I suppose.

ilovesooty · 18/04/2014 13:11

Why should Derek be supported by a boyfriend she doesn't live with and is seemingly only in the early stages of a relationship?

OP how on earth do you know what this an earns anyway? You just sound resentful to me.

And all on the word of a year old. No wonder you name changed.

Original poster
Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 13:12

First wife actually thanks fidelinish Wink

OP posts:
fidelineish · 18/04/2014 13:13

De facto first wife then. Mother of his firstborn child. Dynamics are the same.

LineRunner · 18/04/2014 13:13

Ok so don't fucking report her then.

HappyGirlNow · 18/04/2014 13:13

Yes fidelineish they do actually disgust me.

Not people who need benefits for a period of time as we all may be in that position with life's twists and turns.. But those who manipulate the system to steal money I work fucking hard for actually do disgust me. Understand now? Have you managed to straighten your head?

Ruushii · 18/04/2014 13:14

Don't people get bored of obsessing over what other people are doing financially?! It must be draaaaaining.

ReadyToBreak · 18/04/2014 13:16

This is benefit fraud, and would be viewed legally as such, and I'd have no qualms about reporting.

The benefit system is a great safety net. It is not there so that a couple can fraudulently claim benefits as single people in order to maximise their benefit income to buy a house ffs.

HappyGirlNow · 18/04/2014 13:16

*Ruushii' not if it's their own money and not partially mine! Grin

usualsuspectt · 18/04/2014 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesooty · 18/04/2014 13:17

Goodness, Happy

I animating that level of anger must be exhausting.

Original poster
Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 13:17

So to be clear, it's just wrong to come on here anonymously and ask if other people would be annoyed by this. But it's not wrong for dsd mums live in bf to move out to save money requiring mum to go back on benefits. Ok.....

To be clear, I am a fan of the benefit system. I will not be reporting it. I have nothing personal against dsd mum. We don't really know each other but are civil enough.

And ilovesooty I've already answered that. I. Know roughly how much he earns because of information that dh ex gave to him when they last spoke about maintenance. It's not anything weird, but I do think its relevant.

OP posts:
Gen35 · 18/04/2014 13:18

I don't think you'd have to be a massively resentful b*tch to be a bit naffed off, which is all op's thread sounds like to me. At best what ex w is doing is technically ok but I suspect you'll have many of these issues over the years, shrug it all off. It's good that ex w has found someone that is going to get them all off benefits soon, there are a lot worse out there!

ilovesooty · 18/04/2014 13:18

Imagine

fidelineish · 18/04/2014 13:19

My head's fine thanks frothy Happy. I really don't understand people getting thheir knickers in such an advanced twist about other people's affairs though.

In this case, for example, it is precisely because the OP is the de facto 2nd wife that she should keep out of it. Even if she is not being catty and jealous, she will sound catty and jealous. Hell, she already DOES sound catty and jealous. It is such an unedifying 'sight'.

If they are really doing something wrong, the chances are someone else will pick up on it. It is always better to maintain dignity and ignore IMHO.

gordyslovesheep · 18/04/2014 13:20

hahaha are the children bored today Grin

I am a single mum of 3 - I work and I claim Tax Credits to do so ...I have just started a tentative relationship with a man (yay me!) ...maybe someone could let me know when I have to invite home to live in MY house and take financial responsibility for MY children...3 months, 2 years, 1 week ???

Original poster
Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 13:20

usual it's not really the same though is it. Dsd mum was on benefits for years, I couldn't care less, she was a single mum, I hope she got everything she was entitled to. No issues there.

But to purposely out yourself back in a situation where you need to claim again, surely that's not right?

OP posts:
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