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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by this (yes, benefits related, sorry)

406 replies

Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 12:15

Name changed for this.

Dsd is with is is week. She randomly just dropped in to the conversation that her mums bf has moved a lot of his stuff back to his parents as he has moved back there in order that they can get more money which they need to buy a house in August. He still visits every day and stays over some nights. She was talking about his Xbox and said it was at his parents as he needed to have enough things there to convince 'them' that he didn't live there anymore.

To me this reads that he has nominally moved out in order that the mum can claim housing benefit again (as she only works a couple of days a week)

They have reserved a new build house that should be ready in august, dsd says they don't have enough money for it yet though.

The bf is in a well paid job, I think he earns nearly as much as dh actually. They are obviously impatient to move which I do understand. But this doesn't seem a very honest way to go about it. Dh and I saved for ages to have a house deposit.

Dh told me that his ex has been investigated for benefit fraud before although I have no idea what for, that was years ago. I only know because she thought it was him that reported her (he wasn't)

It's not that I have anything against dsd mum, I don't really know her but she seems nice enough. And it's not that I have any plans to try and report her or anything (unless people think I should!) I realise I know nothing like the full story. I'm just feeling rather grr about it.

OP posts:
Jollyphonics · 18/04/2014 12:46

As usual I know this thread will drive me mad with all the people saying it's none of your business.

Ripping off the state is everyone's business. People who are unemployed lose out because the resources available are given to those who aren't genuinely entitled to the benefits, and employed people have a right to a view because our taxes contribute to this.

And OK, maybe he's "technically" moved out, but to all intents and purposes he hasn't. He still visits regularly, stays over night, and they are a couple who plan to live together.

Original poster
Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 12:46

Ok, so it's legally fine, how about morally?

OP posts:
lottieandmia · 18/04/2014 12:47

How is planning to the same as actually doing?

You can plan to get a job while on income support.

Original poster
Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 12:48

The point is they already were living together lottieandmia

OP posts:
Thomyorke · 18/04/2014 12:49

So the boyfriend has moved out for the short term with the hope of providing a secure home for his Girlfriend and step child in the near future, maybe a bit dishonest but in the long run both his new family and the tax payer will be better off.

LineRunner · 18/04/2014 12:49

Well fucking report her then.

JakeBullet · 18/04/2014 12:49

Sounds like they have made a short term decision in order to ensure they have security long term.

I agree it's probably a bit dodgy to fudge things in this way. on the other hand I can't get too worked up about it either.

Presumably they are renting at an exorbitant cost and the mortgage will be cheaper.

Some of our MPs have done far worse and taken far more.

RandomMess · 18/04/2014 12:50

YANBU benefits are there for those that genuinely need them not for those that manipulate the system to increase their savings at the tax payers expense.

EatShitDerek · 18/04/2014 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jollyphonics · 18/04/2014 12:51

It's not morally fine, and I doubt it's legally fine. Presumably there will be bills he has contributed to that will still be "valid" after he's moved out, if they pay them quarterly.

Why do so many people on here view benefit fraud as a victimless crime? We are all victims when the state is defrauded. It's no different from MPs fiddling expenses in principle, just different circumstances.

mummywithsmiles25 · 18/04/2014 12:52

To save money he would have to still contribute to bills etc others the whole idea doesn't make sense.

wonder if someone wrote a thread like ..

hi am i being unreasonable, my partner on a good salary is going to temporarily move out from living with me, so i can claim as a lone parent and save the benefit money to help buy a new build house.

if it is legal ok ..but they are defiantly not moral.

lottieandmia · 18/04/2014 12:53

I really don't see how it is benefit fraud. Maybe there are other reasons why he has moved out? And all this on the word of a 9 year old.

arethereanyleftatall · 18/04/2014 12:53

Op, if you are a regular who has name changed, then you surely know MN us the only forum ever where benefit fraud is applauded.
Of course yanbu..

Jollyphonics · 18/04/2014 12:53

Of course it affected OP. This sort of thing affects us all.

fidelineish · 18/04/2014 12:54

The bf is in a well paid job, I think he earns nearly as much as dh actually.

Cattiness and stealth boast in one sentence, hats off to you.

Original poster
Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 12:55

That's totally different though eatshitderek you don't live together, you never have.

It does bother me, that's why I posted. I think it's wrong. I am genuinely surprised so many people think this is an acceptable thing to do.

As I've already stated, no I have no intention of reporting this. No I don't know the full story, of course I don't. But assuming what I have surmised is correct, surely that's not right. Or should no one bother saving when they can access money in this way?

OP posts:
Thomyorke · 18/04/2014 12:56

Morally he has no obligation to provide for his girlfriend or her daughter and can choose not to contribute his money to fund the rent of these people, he can choose to live with his parents and save for a deposit and the ask girlfriend to buy or move in with him.

lottieandmia · 18/04/2014 12:56

That's nonsense - benefit fraud is not applauded on MN. Some of us don't like witch hunts though...

Pumpkinpositive · 18/04/2014 12:56

Dh told me that his ex has been investigated for benefit fraud before although I have no idea what for, that was years ago. I only know because she thought it was him that reported her (he wasn't)

Was it you? Easter Wink

lottieandmia · 18/04/2014 12:57

Quite Thom

Jollyphonics · 18/04/2014 12:57

Assuming the child is correct (which I imagine she is, as she's 9 not 4) then it is benefit fraud. I don't suppose the ex would like the benefits agency to know!

Original poster
Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 12:58

Err thanks fidelineish Hmm

I already gave my reason for mentioning this up thread, to make the point that they have a decent income, and we saved our house deposit ourselves.

OP posts:
LadyEmma1 · 18/04/2014 12:58

YANBU There is clearly the implication of fraud. If you suspected a relative of burglary and posted about it, the response would not be "you are just jealous" or "MYOB". The response would be YANBU to feel it is not fair on the law abiding majority in society at large. I don't see how benefit fraud is different from other forms of theft. YANBU esp as you recognise that you may not know the full story and this is just strong circumstantial evidence that you can't really act on.

Derek do you not feel ashamed of taking money of other taxpayers if/when you don't need to? Benefits are a safety net not a free ticket. If your BF is willing to contribute to your expenses then it would be MUCH more moral to allow him too and to reduce the burden you place on the welfare system so that more money can go to those who do not have that choice. Not saying you are acting illegally, but I do question the honour/ morality of your position.

lottieandmia · 18/04/2014 12:59

They would not be found to be living together if he has his stuff at his parents house and is not financially linked to the dss's mum.

Original poster
Spotbakesacake · 18/04/2014 12:59

Lol pumpkin no! it was before my time Smile

OP posts: