To be annoyed by this (yes, benefits related, sorry)

[Spotbakesacake]

Name changed for this.

Dsd is with is is week. She randomly just dropped in to the conversation that her mums bf has moved a lot of his stuff back to his parents as he has moved back there in order that they can get more money which they need to buy a house in August. He still visits every day and stays over some nights. She was talking about his Xbox and said it was at his parents as he needed to have enough things there to convince 'them' that he didn't live there anymore.

To me this reads that he has nominally moved out in order that the mum can claim housing benefit again (as she only works a couple of days a week)

They have reserved a new build house that should be ready in august, dsd says they don't have enough money for it yet though.

The bf is in a well paid job, I think he earns nearly as much as dh actually. They are obviously impatient to move which I do understand. But this doesn't seem a very honest way to go about it. Dh and I saved for ages to have a house deposit.

Dh told me that his ex has been investigated for benefit fraud before although I have no idea what for, that was years ago. I only know because she thought it was him that reported her (he wasn't)

It's not that I have anything against dsd mum, I don't really know her but she seems nice enough. And it's not that I have any plans to try and report her or anything (unless people think I should!) I realise I know nothing like the full story. I'm just feeling rather grr about it.

If he 'visits every day and stays over some nights', why would the council be bothered? this is allowed. why are you annoyed? bitterness? fancied a bit of 'benefits bashing'?

Don't forget benefit scum aren't allowed friends to stay, aren't allowed to have sex, aren't allowed to have family over. We are meant to know our place as bottom feeders and make sure we don't attempt a normal life! Silly us! Tut tut.

I dunno Happy are you really that thick?

Come on then fidelineish - tell me what part of what I've said is unreasonable or stupid?

It's not fraud if he has moved out. And as he is working he can save or spend his money as he likes, provided he pays his way with his parents. Sounds as though he is providing the deposit, not taxpayers.

In the meantime , if your stepdaughter's mother is a lone parent entitled to benefits due to her low income then that's not fraud either. Of course, OP, if you and your husband feel that the state should not be providing housing and sustenance for his daughter then he could always offer to pay more for his daughter 's needs himself.

And should you wish to avail yourself of the lucrative riches of tax credits and palatial mansions afforded by housing benefit yourself OP you too have the option of separating from your partner.

A 9yo may not have the full story, but she'll certainly be the one who suffers if her working mother's top up benefits are stopped.

Just report her.

Summary of what I've said:

Benefits system good
Benefits are funded by tax payers (people who work including me)
Benefits should go to those who need it
People who don't need it should not get benefits

Nothing unreasonable or controversial or stupid there

Happy everything you have said is irrelevant.

Information from a 9 year old filtered through a second wife is a bit completely lacking in evidentiary value.

vampyre I'm going to assume you've not read the whole thread.

And actually, as there are a lot of posts on this here, I also want to make it clear that I'm certainly not of the view that anyone's boyfriends should be paying towards bills etc when they actually live separately, no matter how often they might stay over, but I don't think that's the same situation.

Well it is taking an interest, isn't it, because you're not only thinking about it and getting cross but you're discussing it with lots of other people too and hoping they will encourage your frothing. If nothing else, perhaps learn a lesson, that if you bitch about other people's affairs you will come across as jealous and catty. Especially when it's directed at your Dh's ex partner.

I also rather admire the stepfather for giving the DSD housing security. It is notable that her own father didn't.

Think it's a general discussion now fidelineish

But despite that, I wouldn't have thought a nine year old could even make that up unless they have an unnatural interest in the UK benefit system..

Lol gordy, only the smug-marrieds are 'good' people......the rest of us never pay tax and therefore aren't entitled to any kind of opinion or have any basic rights. They can talk about us in whatever terms they want to - usually negative - and judge us and judge us as loudly as they want. I take great delight at get togethers, children's birthday parties, that kind of thing in dropping in the 'oh, but I'm a single parent' into those conversations where they've just sat and slagged us off, en masse, for half an hour. One woman once told me 'oh, gosh, are you? I mean, you don't look like a single parent...If I was a single parent, I would be so miserable. You seem so...normal'. I'm sure she meant well!

We do the best we can and I've long accepted that I'll always be wrong in someone's eyes. There was a thread here recently about how easy divorce is and how people don't try at their marriages...arrrggghhh!!!!!

fidelineish again, first wife. I'll assume that's just to annoy me?!

inertia yes, that's exactly what I've said....

That's not meant to sound as though I think people in receipt of benefits should have their spending supervised either btw - badly worded first sentence in my earlier post.

'taxpayers' get over your fucking selves and stop bleating about your supposed moral superiority, self-righteous twats! most of us pay tax but aren't so up our own arses that there's a constant need to remind everyone. all that resentment can't be good for you, bloody martyrs.

I can't find another way to construct it that flows and doesn't sound like bigamy OP (and repeatedly typing 'de facto' was getting boring). I apologise I didn't realise the the technicality was so important to you.

fidelineish you know nothing about what support dh gives dsd or what the relationship was with him and his ex, so dont even bother going there. Or should dh have bought his ex a house or something?

The bf does indeed seem like a good guy, fair play to him.

oh and god forbid any of you should lose your jobs or suddenly find yourselves single.

Happy, you have also said that you believe that any benefit money people claim is partially yours.

That's pretty stupid, isn't it?

YANBU to be annoyed IF they are indeed cheating the system.

It's not a technicality though is it. I'm not a second wife.