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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To constantly feel fat ?!?!

70 replies

Alfiedoggy · 18/04/2014 06:49

AIBU to constantly feel fat ? I feel so much pressure(not from my lovely dh) to be thin and I feel it's starting to take over my life ! I need a good shout perhaps ?? I'm 5ft4 weight 10 st and dress size 12 , used to be 10 but since started working more I've put on half a stone I just can't shift :(( so why do us mums feel under so much pressure to be thin or is it just me ?!? Give me a kick up the backside if you think IBU!!!!!!!!

OP posts:

MsVestibule · 18/04/2014 07:09

What have you done to try to lose it? Be honest .

Your BMI is 24, which is just within the healthy range. Is your waist measurement less than half your height? If so, you're considered healthy. But I suspect health isn't your primary concern...

I've felt pretty much the same way since I was 12. I'm now borderline overweight (BMI 25, most of my lard is around my middle) and every single day, I think "I hate this, really should shift it". I'm sure you're well aware that eating a bit less and moving a bit more will help. Why isn't it that simple, though?!

Oh, and it's not just mums that feel the pressure - I think it applies to most women, and probably men.

Original poster

Alfiedoggy · 18/04/2014 07:11

I guess if honest I haven't done that much , I've been doing the 30DS but do have a nasty habit of comfort eating !!!! :/

OP posts:

MsVestibule · 18/04/2014 07:26

I constantly complain about my weight (to myself, only occasionally bore my friends) but do very little about it. So to answer your question - YANBU to feel the pressure, but you have two choices:

Stick two fingers up to 'society' and learn to be happy as you are.
Cut out the junk food and continue exercising regularly.

MsVestibule · 18/04/2014 07:29

BTW, did you know there's a weight management part on MN? It's under the Full Talk topics list. You'll probably find a thread on there to help motivate you!

AmberNectarine · 18/04/2014 07:34

Well techically yes YABU because you're not fat, but since when did our silly brains worry about trivia like that?

It's tricky, I have days where I feel like a monster but objectively I know I am not fat. I started running in January and that has helped a lot as I have toned up massively and my stomach is much flatter. Not feeling as wobbly has been nice, so keep plugging away with 30DS.

Agree with the poster who said you can either try and stop beating yourself up or lose a bit of weight. It may be that nothing would change even if you did lose weight so maybe changing your mindset would be a bigger help, though it's easier said than done, I know.

carabos · 18/04/2014 07:43

Never mind what anyone else might think and assuming your weight does not negatively impact your health, what is your personal aesthetic?

For me, that is all that matters. My preference is slim. I like to look slim, I like to look at people who look slim thin. Others prefer a more rounded look, some people like "fat".

If you look in the mirror and think you look ok, then you're ok. If you don't, change it. Be honest.

drivenmadbyparents · 18/04/2014 07:45

That's about my weight and height, I am a smidge shorter than you though.

I don't look fat in clothes and I can't work up the energy to be particularly bothered about what I look like naked! I could probably do with toning but I can't be bothered. Maybe something like the shred?

Jollyphonics · 18/04/2014 07:52

OP I sympathise, I'm just the same. I'm the same size as you. I've never been overweight - objectively I know that - but I've spent most of my adult life wishing I was slimmer, and being disappointed with myself for not having the will power to do anything about it.

I've had phases of being very slim, down to a size 8 on a couple of occasions, but it has never been compatible with normal life (required masses of exercise and eating very little) so I've never maintained it.

I exercise 2-3 times a week, and eat healthily, but I get to the end of the day and my willpower vanishes, and I end up having a big bowl of icecream or some biscuits, which wipes out my calorie control during thee day.

I just wish I could either accept the way I am and stop feeling like a fat ugly lump, or motivate myself to do something about it.

Dancingqueen17 · 18/04/2014 09:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mitchy1nge · 18/04/2014 09:06

I saw the subject line and thought 'fat is not a feeling it is a physiological emergency state'

theincrediblealfonso · 18/04/2014 09:06

I'm loooads fatter than you but dont constantly feel fat. Try not to let societal expectation to bring you down. I bet you dont think any less of your fat friends for being fat! Give yourself a break.

Mitchy1nge · 18/04/2014 09:08

I make your bmi 23.4 anyway which is in the healthy range

24 would be bordering on overweight but people say it's better to be on that border than the other one?

TheMagicToyshop · 18/04/2014 09:21

I'm the same size as you and I know what you mean. I'm know I'm not 'fat' but it does get to me sometimes, even though it's the right size for me iyswim - I have to practically starve myself to lose a noticeable amount (I stopped weighing myself years ago as it made me obsessive so I just go by what I notice in the mirror). We're really not fat, we're normal, there is a massively unrealistic standard of thinness in our culture.

It's true what pp said, fat isn't a feeling, and I find it really is more a state of mind for me. Being inactive and eating junk makes me feel like a horrible unattractive blob. Doing exercise (running and Zumba for me) and eating lots of colourful, fresh veg loaded meals makes me feel much happier and confident, even though my body doesn't look noticeably different either way.

Rosalie82 · 18/04/2014 09:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ponkypink · 18/04/2014 09:45

BMI of 24 is not 'bordering on overweight', it's perfectly normal. 24.9 is 'bordering on overweight'. That's half a stone difference you're ignoring in your stupid attempt to normalise skinniness and make normal weight women feel fat.

Mitchy1nge · 18/04/2014 10:28

is that what I want?

sorry I thought 18.5 - 24 was the healthy range and that if you were going to hover at either end it was healthier to be at the top

Mitchy1nge · 18/04/2014 10:30

just wanted to point out to OP that her BMI was lower than she stated

anyway thanks for that

Original poster

Alfiedoggy · 18/04/2014 11:09

I think ur right . Sensibly most of us art overweight , it's society that makes us feel that way ? Having two dc I really need to change the way I think I couldn't stand by dd feeling like this !

OP posts:

Latara · 18/04/2014 11:13

I wish I was 10 stone (am 5'3'')! But I'm 11st10lbs and trying desperately to lose the extra weight, I've already lost 2 stone.

I used to be 9 - 9st7lbs and actually thought I was fat. It's very subjective.

LadyEmma1 · 18/04/2014 11:26

dancingqueen I have registered on MN just to reply to you. A low BMI of 15 is so much harder and more important and life threatening (and, sorry, uglier) than anyone with a BMI of 24 or 25 . I am so glad you are obviously seeking help. I wish you all the luck in the world to get up to a healthy weight that doesn't threaten your life or make you look like a neglected animal. Recovery will be the hardest, yet most important, thing you will ever do in your life. Good luck.

To anyone who is BMI in the healthy range and moaning about it, I just want to say "get a life" and "get a grip". Find something else to worry about. Sorry if that sounds harsh but our society is stupidly obsessed with weight and you have fallen victim to that if you are healthy but still obsessed.

TheFlumpFlan · 18/04/2014 11:35

I'm 5ft 9 and 9.5st yet I could have written your post. The logic says the numbers for a woman in he thirties with your children are good, yet I agree a fat person and I cover up a lot because of embarrassment.

Others are happier bigger and I envy them, and I see they look good. I've spent all morning planning weight loss.

TheFlumpFlan · 18/04/2014 11:37

Lady Emma, I'd say get a some time to read up and raise awareness within yourself. Quite seriously, and not as an attack on you.

MrsCakesPremonition · 18/04/2014 11:37

The bit in your OP that worries me is the way you say that you constantly feel fat and under pressure. That really isn't a healthy way to be feeling, especially when you are a perfectly normal-sized woman. It almost sounds as though the thoughts about your weight are becoming intrusive in situations where you really don't need to be thinking about your weight.

I wonder if you could have a chat with your GP, because it sounds like the way you feel about your body and image really don't match the reality. Maybe some counselling to help you accept yourself.

Flyingducky · 18/04/2014 11:48

My bmi is 28 and most of the time I feel fine, I run regularly and feel strong in myself, plus Lycra is a wonderful invention .

I think the Pp who said " fat is not a feeling " is right. What is causing your anxiety about your body op?

Sometimes it can be friends or family that start us on this path of negative thinking. What was your mum like about weight and food? You shouldn't have to starve yourself to feel ok about your body.

Original poster

Alfiedoggy · 18/04/2014 12:45

Maybe it is me , I feel quite stressed at mo ,and bit insecure in life generally ... My mum always dieted and said she was fat ! When obv not !!!!!

OP posts:

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