To constantly feel fat ?!?!

[Alfiedoggy]

AIBU to constantly feel fat ? I feel so much pressure(not from my lovely dh) to be thin and I feel it's starting to take over my life ! I need a good shout perhaps ?? I'm 5ft4 weight 10 st and dress size 12 , used to be 10 but since started working more I've put on half a stone I just can't shift :(( so why do us mums feel under so much pressure to be thin or is it just me ?!? Give me a kick up the backside if you think IBU!!!!!!!!

[jonicomelately]

I often get email shots from a personal trainer. There's loads of crap on them like 'have a guilt-free Christmas', and 'I can give you a beach body'. I just ignore them. I have a beach body because my body takes my dog for a walk every day on the beach. Same thing with this bikini body shit. The way to get a bikini body is to put a bikini on your body!
Just try to adjust your thinking a little.

[specialsubject]

you aren't fat. You are a healthy weight.

stop buying trash mags. Remember models are photoshopped, sick or both. Ignore all the women's media.

be grateful for a healthy body and look after it.

there is no pressure for mums or anyone else. If this isn't making sense to you, seek further help.

[LookingThroughTheFog]

really? just that lots of people doing stuff like 5:2 have found that changing their eating habits so that blood sugar never spikes has made a huge difference

Yes, really. If I don't eat enough during the day - not even proper dieting, just not enough in the evening - in the night, I'll wake up with the room spinning, ears ringing, and unable to move for a few hours. It's grim. It only happens at night - during the day, when I start getting hungry, I get the usual sort of lightheaded. But then, I suppose in the day, I can stave it off with an apple.

For best effects, I have to do porridge (plain) in the morning, a salad for lunch, and a fairly decent evening meal, and fruit for snacks when I'm hungry so I don't get light-headed. And I still gain weight. I gain slightly more weight when I supplement with biscuits and crisps, but this only usually happens when I'm pre-menstrual.

What I really want to do is to change my thinking to jonicomelately's style. There is nothing wrong with my body. Unfortunately, at the moment, my brain is rebelling with 'but it's not mine!'

[TalkinPeace]

you aren't fat. You are a healthy weight
OP has not actually answered whether or not she is in the healthy BMI range for her background.
BUT
If she feels unhappy in her skin, then she should do something about it.

However you are right about this models are photoshopped, sick or both
www.buzzfeed.com/jessicamisener/23-celebrities-before-after-photoshop
www.complex.com/pop-culture/2012/11/30-shocking-photos-of-hot-celebrities-without-makeup-or-photoshop/jennifer-love-hewitt

[Alfiedoggy]

I am in a healthy bmi range .... I guess it boils down to being happy in our own skin ... I prob could if I lived on a desert island that's the sad thing ! I care too much about what other people think - in many aspects of my life

[cottonwoolmum]

Talkinpeace - why is the BMI lower for black and Asian people? I know a lot of black women with very sturdy musculature which would surely put them in the overweight range when they carry no fat at all, but have quite bulky and solid muscular structures. Seems odd that they are singled out for needing less body fat.

[Alfiedoggy]

Yes I agree , odd , I've never heard of that before ?!?

[WorraLiberty]

specialsubject you can still be fat and a healthy weight.

This is where I think a lot of posters get crossed wires with each other.

Often you'll read posters saying "Oh god, why do people who are a size 8/10/12 insist they are fat?"

It's because it's perfectly possible to be slim all over, but with a fat belly for example.

[TalkinPeace]

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2569574/
www.halls.md/bmi/race.htm
www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/04/13/AR2009041301823.html

Its not a new finding - the data has been there for years
the NHS only amended their figures last year

The logic is that different races carry fat in different ways - visceral, hips, thighs
and that for particularly Asian subcontinent, BMI of 22 or 23 is an upper, upper safety limit

for many black people, they are not sturdy, they are carrying dangerous levels of visceral fat

its linked to evolutionary pressures on different races and founder effects in the last 30,000 years

[namechangenumber5]

I was just thinking of this. A friend of my oh commented positively about my figure when I called myself overweight recently. And I was just watching a Frasier episode where Roz looked amazing and I realised she must have been a 14 or 16. I am just inside a healthy bmi. I feel good, and curvy, when I wear clothes that fit well, and I am endeavouring to be kinder to myself. It's so hard.

[itsbetterthanabox]

Your body is fine, the issue is in your head. Changing it will only make you focus on a new 'fault'.
Work on your self esteem.
Stop reading mags, watching American tv, watching music videos, hanging out with people obsessed by appearance.
Find things in your life that you can feel happy and proud of that are not to do with how you look. A class, hobby, new job, friends, sport etc.
How you look really doesn't matter but as a women you are judged primarily on it which is a horrible thing. But we can make change. We can stop spending all the time, thought and money on appearance and spend it on doing things of worth.

[TalkinPeace]

I'm old enough and grey enough and wrinkly enough to no longer care about pretty
I do care about being lean and fit : but that is on the inside

OP
there is a time in life for selfishness
comments on appearance are often that time
ask yourself

Why has that person made that comment about my appearance?
To make me feel good?
To make us both feel good?
To make me feel bad?
To make us both feel bad?
To make me feel good and them feel bad?
To make me feel bad and them feel good?

because EVERY comment will fit into one of those categories, whether from a man or a woman
and once categorised, they lose their power

[Alfiedoggy]

Ur right better , we re our own worst enemies aren't we ? And we always imagine ourselves bigger than we look ??

[Alfiedoggy]

Very very true talkinpeace :) I wish I had your insight !

[MaryWestmacott]

OP - if you aren't happy with the way your body looks, other people, including your DH telling you that your body is gorgeous, will make no difference.

So you have 3 choices, 1) stay as you are, feel bad about the way you look (crap option) 2) stay as you are and find a way to feel good about the way you look or 3) change the way you look.

remember, change is unlikely to get you back to the way you looked pre-DCs, your body has changed, how you carry fat may well have changed.

Do you feel healthy, other than your size? Do you feel you are eating well, and are fit? I found returning to work after DC1 was tricky as I had got used to walking everywhere with the buggy, and it was hard to build exercise into my routine on work days. As others have said, if you work in an office where there's lots of cakes, biscuits etc or lots of lunches out, then you might be eating a lot more than you were at home, and being in an office it's a lot less physical than being at home.

Think about why you aren't happy with your body, and why are you comfort eating - dealing with your need for comfort is easier in the long run than needing it and trying to do self denial.

[TalkinPeace]

PS I was at my fattest pre DCs because I sat on my arse eating sarnies at work all day
I have the MRI scans of my knees to show what was needed

OP
glad that list made sense
ues it, lots
it will give you power and control
that way happiness lies

[LadyEmma1]

Mitchy1 yes depression is found in the developing world too, but not to the same extent. See recent research by WHO and others. There is a positive correlation between wealth and depression.

[LadyEmma1]

Personally, I think if you are very busy working to earn money for basic subsistence (eg feeding your children) then you don't have time to worry about, for instance, does my bum look fat in this, or other existential issues causing angst and depression. Being depressed takes time! In the absence of a welfare system (eg Britain 200 years ago or some third world countries now) the poor cannot afford the luxury of being depressed. It is also difficult to be depressed if you are very physically active and then tired. Again, there is plenty of research on this.

[Mitchy1nge]

bizarre

most of the major mental illnesses will kick off when professional, academic and or other pressure is at its greatest

[specialsubject]

you can indeed carry internal fat which is a health risk.

but I don't think the OP is worried about that.

the 'pressures' mentioned simply aren't there. So perhaps some stronger help is needed.