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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To constantly feel fat ?!?!

70 replies

Alfiedoggy · 18/04/2014 06:49

AIBU to constantly feel fat ? I feel so much pressure(not from my lovely dh) to be thin and I feel it's starting to take over my life ! I need a good shout perhaps ?? I'm 5ft4 weight 10 st and dress size 12 , used to be 10 but since started working more I've put on half a stone I just can't shift :(( so why do us mums feel under so much pressure to be thin or is it just me ?!? Give me a kick up the backside if you think IBU!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
LadyEmma1 · 18/04/2014 12:51

FlumpFlan you might be surprised at how much reading, how much research and how aware I am of the issues surrounding eating disorders. Seriously it makes my blood boil when people in the perfectly acceptable and healthy range are self indulgent enough to spend a moment worrying about how they look. Nobody else cares, seriously! It might seem very important to you whether you would rather be 2 kg lighter but not to a single other person. So to cover up, or feel depressed, out of misplaced embarrassment is simply a first world problem that you would not have if you had other things in your life to worry about, or indeed to be passionate about.

WitchWay · 18/04/2014 12:55

You say you've put on weight since you started working. Are you sitting around more? Eating a bigger lunch? Are there cakes & things around in the office? Agree you are not overweight but something has changed & you're not happy.

Flyingducky · 18/04/2014 13:58

Alfiedoggy. It sounds like you learned to think this way from an early age. We learn our behaviour from our parents. Does she comment on your size? Are you trying to please her?

Jollyphonics · 18/04/2014 14:09

ladyEmma that is so simplistic! The whole point of the OP's issue is that she knows objectively that she's not overweight, and wishes she could stop stressing about it. It's nothing to do with not having enough other things to worry about! If only we we all able to switch on and off the things that bothered us, what an easy life it would be!

LadyEmma1 · 18/04/2014 14:34

I don't know. Sometimes I think that people who have the time and energy to worry about precisely how their hips look, or whether they could drop a dress size (assuming they are a healthy weight) honestly do need to be busier. Depression is a first world problem. I accept it may not be as simple as that, though. Just like you can't tell someone who is down to "buck up" and expect it to work.

It's so sad, 'tis all, when there is no objective need for angst. And the OP did say to give her a "kick up the backside" if she was being U to worry about her weight when she is in the normal range so I guess that is what I meant to do.

I have seen so many young people be so ill and even die through trying to be thinner and thinner that this kind of thread where perfectly normal sized women moan about their perfectly normal weights seems so, so, so indulgent and perpetuating of the society that encourages self starvation.

Theodorous · 18/04/2014 15:16

I had a gastric balloon for 6 months, best money I spent. With pcos it was becoming impossible to keep on top of it and was feeling really shit. Went from 86kg to 65kg in that time and managed to get fitter.

Sparrowlegs248 · 18/04/2014 15:31

I am also fed up with 'feeling fat' I've spent much of my life being skinny - slim but really did pack weight on once i hit my mid 30's!! And got an office job - worst thing ever.

Bmi of 27.5m quite muscly. Hate how i look.

Should stop moaning really and stop eating badly. Not rocket science is it? But so blummin hard.

marne2 · 18/04/2014 15:36

OP I am the same size and weight as you, a few weeks ago I was a bit bigger but I started going to slimming world and have lost 9lb over a few weeks. When I go to slimming world I realise that I am not really that big Smile, I am the smallest one in the group and they all keep giving me odd looks (a few have asked why I'm there), like you I was a size 8/10 before having the dd's and to me I am fat (because I have never been this big in my life), I have now gone from a size 14 to a 12 and I would love to be able to get into a size 10 in a few months, I think it will make me feel much better about myself (I am doing it for me and no one else).

MadAsFish · 18/04/2014 16:43

Depression is a first world problem.

First time for everything.

ODFOD.

TalkinPeace · 18/04/2014 16:48

OP
Assuming that you are white, you are in the healthy weight range (just, of 18.5 to 24.9)
If you are black or Asian, you are overweight (the BMI band is 17.5 to 23.5)
BMI is a proxy for body fat - body fat is the dangerous bit, especially visceral fat around your middle - hence the height / weight measure mentioned up thread.

Doing the 30 day shred is great - there are gangs of people who do - join them for motivation
they hide on this board www.mumsnet.com/Talk/weight_loss_chat?order=

And the important thing about being a healthy weight (which is different for each person) is that the older you get the better it is to be able to stay fit and active, so make the changes while you are still a lot younger than me!

Mitchy1nge · 18/04/2014 16:49

depression and eating disorders are both found in the developing world

Original poster
Alfiedoggy · 18/04/2014 16:50

I think ur right , it comes from my mum and also being constantly compared to my identical twin who is smaller than me :( also I'm insecure in my relationship I think . I need to stop comfort eating and get my backside swimming .... And yes true maybe I don't have enough to worry about ! It is a fairly me obsessed worry !!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Alfiedoggy · 18/04/2014 16:52

I'm not depressed btw just stressed :)

OP posts:
Mitchy1nge · 18/04/2014 17:39

the more stuff I have to worry about and the more serious that stuff is (terminal illness in best friend type severity) the worse my anxiety about food and fatness but for me it's probably a way of avoiding confronting things I really don't know how to cope with or couldn't do anything about anyway - it feels extra bad because only recently my cousin died of complications arising from her eating disorder, and I've had a child in an ED unit myself, our family is just riddled with these things and every case was exacerbated by stress

so I don't understand the advice about finding other things to worry about

dementedma · 18/04/2014 17:43

I knew this would be someone who was a size 12 or under........

How in the name of god is a size 12 fat????

Quinteszilla · 18/04/2014 17:44

I am fat. I am borderline obese with a bmi of 29.

To be honest, these days I dont worry so much about my weight in terms of my looks, but my health. 2 friends my age died from cancer in the last 6 months, and another friend is going to chemo and will have her breasts removed after Easter, before radiotherapy. I honestly dont care how I look, I just want to become healthy to give myself a sporting chance of being here for my children as they grow up.

goodasitgets · 18/04/2014 17:47

I confuse feeling fat with sluggish sometimes - if that makes any sense!
If I eat well and exercise I feel lighter, stronger and generally better
If I eat crap or don't exercise for a while I feel (for want of a better word!) bleugh Grin
I think it's questioning what you're actually feeling, is it really fat? Or is it bloated, sluggish, tired, unhappy?

WorraLiberty · 18/04/2014 17:55

I'm 5ft 4" and I was most definitely fat when I went up to a size 12, even though my BMI was still ok.

It's more to do with weight distribution than anything.

You can be slim all over but with a fat belly for example.

LookingThroughTheFog · 18/04/2014 18:00

Alfiedoggy, I'm with you. I'm not unhealthy, but I constantly feel ashamed of my body.

Contrast this to two of my brothers. When we were at a party, they showed of their bellies with laughter. Neither of them is that fat either - just they suddenly, now they've hit their 40s, have rounded bellies.

Meanwhile I was sitting across the room feeling thoroughly ashamed of mine.

My problem is the change in how I look. I've always been small, and though I became more rounded after children, was still relatively small (a comfortable size 10). I've put on two stone (medication), and now I hate all my clothes and feel uncomfortable.

The stupid thing is; DH doesn't care. He likes the more rounded me. I have nobody to be smaller for. I just don't look like myself anymore.

I'm too exhausted and pushed for time to go running, and I can't diet, as if my blood sugar drops too much, I react badly to the medication. I'm stuck this way, and it pisses me off that society has told the lie that thin = attractive, and anything outside of that = unattractive. It's not true, and it isn't fair.

TalkinPeace · 18/04/2014 18:06

I can't diet, as if my blood sugar drops too much, I react badly to the medication
really?
just that lots of people doing stuff like 5:2 have found that changing their eating habits so that blood sugar never spikes has made a huge difference

Original poster
Alfiedoggy · 18/04/2014 18:13

That's the crazy thing , I don't think our dh care at all !!!! It's us women !!! In fact if anything I piss him off more by moaning about feeling fat than any amount of looking fat !!!!!!!!

OP posts:
cottonwoolmum · 18/04/2014 18:13

YABU to constantly think it, because there are far more interesting things to think about in life and about yourself that your weight.

But, depending on how old you are, you might want to get back to a weight you feel happy with sooner rather than later. I'm same height as you and was 9st 7lbs all my adult life, from teens to mid forties, even after DC were born. then the weight crept up to 10, then 10st 7, then 11 and at top was 11st 3 or 4 at which point I felt utterly miserable and middle aged. Lost a few pounds, by no means enough, and exercise loads now but the weight is soooo much harder shift once you're older. It won't creep down unless you help it, but it will creep up. Sad

Mitchy1nge · 18/04/2014 18:19

for me it's not really about physical attractiveness, am pretty sure

if anything I got more (unwanted) attention at the upper end of the weights I've been throughout my life

it's mostly learned and partly just an incredibly convenient outlet for all my other woes but luckily I enjoy various sorts of exercise and that's a big help (not with weight management obviously, but with mood and having goals)

WorraLiberty · 18/04/2014 18:19

Alfie it's not about whether your DH cares or not, it's about how you feel and about your health, both now and in the future.

And also as a PP said, depending on your age you might want to keep a check on your weight as no-one suddenly wakes up and finds they are a size 16. It just kind of creeps on and it can be harder to shift as you get older, or if you decide to have more kids.

Obviously though it's your call and nothing to do with anyone else.

TalkinPeace · 18/04/2014 18:33

Alfiedoggie
I'm nearly 50. I keep my weight down for the entirely selfish reason that I like to be fit and active and hope to be active when my kids have kids.
Its not about "looks" (I look crap in photos even when lean) its about how you feel inside.