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Original poster

27 year old Grandmother

665 replies

bongobaby · 16/04/2014 13:02

Her 12 year old daughter has given birth last Sundayand the dad is 13. She fell pregnant in year 6 of primary school. They are totally in love and into each other and want to get married.
Why an earth would you want to be a grandmother at 27 with a daughter of 12 now a mother.

OP posts:
YoureBeingASillyBilly · 16/04/2014 15:49

I'm struggling with this blaming their parents but i'm coming at it with baggage in that area. I was abused by an older boy when i was 7/8. He was a school 'friend' and his mother looked after my sister and I after school. The abuse happened over a period of time in their garden shed. Were my parents to blame? (They dont know til this day) were his parents to blame? His mother? She was looking after us but i honestly dont believe there was any way she thought her son would do that. As far as she knew we were just playing outside. It was a big garden. We also played in his room so opportunity there if he had wanted but he didnt. As i said, i know my view cant be objective but i'm struggling with the blame of the parents. Maybe its the boys age or their known relationhip that makes it different.

Cupid5tunt · 16/04/2014 15:52

jacks365 Is that right? I didn't hear his age mentioned when the conception happened and the English school years mean nothing to me.

He's still just a kid though, I don't think him being prosecuted would help anyone. Neither would the parents being prosecuted.

ACatCalledColin · 16/04/2014 15:53

rainbowfeet you not knowing at age 13 what sexual intercourse was would have been very unusual even 30 years ago. It's good that your 11 year old knows what sex is, knowledge of this doesn't make her any less innocent.

I was thinking the exact same thing when I read rainbowfeet's post. Granted I'm only 26 so not old but I defiantly knew what sex was when I was 11 and yes I knew what it meant physically (ie what he did with his penis). I wasn't unusual either - the majority of my classmates at that age knew about this stuff too.

I was still say I was very childlike and innocent at that age and knowing about sex didn't stop me from still being childlike and innocent.

Tbh I would be surprised (and a bit worried) if an 11 year old didn't know what sex was.

mercibucket · 16/04/2014 15:57

often such very young pregnancies are the result of rape or incest. i hope they have done dna tests to make sure he is the father.

personally, i would hope for long term social services involvement with this family including grandparents (parents of 11 year old child in particular)

mercibucket · 16/04/2014 16:01

babies are very quickly adopted. i can see why adoption might be considered to break a cycle of dysfunctional parenting, but it is also a very traumatic event that should be a last, not first, resort.

Original poster
bongobaby · 16/04/2014 16:04

Not a benefits bashing thread at all as you put it,it's about how will they manage financially at their age which is revelent. A paper round for them both will contribute a small amount but won't cover the whole cost of raising a baby. Will she know if she may be entiltiled to some help re tax credits and child benefit. A reasonable question for the situation.
Most kids at that age are busy saving up their pocket money for Games not nappies.

OP posts:
Cupid5tunt · 16/04/2014 16:07

The benefits bashing comment was with regards to Vivienne implying that the family as a whole rely on the state, which actually they don't. They all work and have collectively agreed to provide financially for the child.

jacks365 · 16/04/2014 16:08

The only benefit a 12 year old is entitled to is child benefit in her own right anything else including sure start grant (not entitled in this case due to siblings) would have to be claimed by the adult responsible for her so if her mum gets tax credits the baby gets added on to that claim.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 16/04/2014 16:08

People have said upthread that an 11 year old getting pregnant is very different to a 14/15 year old. I agree. The grandmother in question was pregnant as a 14/15 year old so this is not a "duplicate" situation.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 16/04/2014 16:10

Do paper rounds even exist anymore?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 16/04/2014 16:11

I'm not sure they do...

ACatCalledColin · 16/04/2014 16:14

I'm sure they do somewhere...but I don't think I know anyone who gets a paper delivered anymore. People just tend to buy them.

thebodydoestricks · 16/04/2014 16:17

And why publicise it? This has to come from the family/friends.

Why make this so public, why talk to the press?

Grennie · 16/04/2014 16:17

Most shops can't get anyone to deliver papers anymore because of concern from parents about their childrens safety. The only people I know doing paper rounds, are adults.

Nancy66 · 16/04/2014 16:17

wow what a sad story, which is shouldn't be. A new baby should be good news.

Original poster
bongobaby · 16/04/2014 16:17

I looked at my 11 year old ds and thought potentially he could be capable of getting a girl pregnant,It saddens my heart. Even though we have had the talk I would like to think he would not go down this road. I might have four grey hairs on my head but I'm just not ready to be a granny yet!
The boy in this must be very frightened at becoming a father, some grown men find it frightening! Hopefully he will be getting some support on his side to help him.

OP posts:
mrsbucketxx · 16/04/2014 16:18

i really think social services should be doing something in this case, prosecution for the mother who has clearly neglected her daughter, and the boyfriend.

and the daughter and baby taken into an environment where this type of behavior is not accepted. at 12 the daughter and her baby need protection from this neglect

Cupid5tunt · 16/04/2014 16:21

Christ another one. Hmm

Please explain why the fathers parents shouldn't be prosecuted then? Or the girls father?

mrsbucketxx · 16/04/2014 16:22

because i bet the girl does not live with his parents, she will live with her mother most possibly with an absent father.

ACatCalledColin · 16/04/2014 16:24

Why should the boyfriend be prosecuted? He's underage too.

DownstairsMixUp · 16/04/2014 16:24

I agree 11 is very different to 14/15. Luckily I still had common sense at that age to but at 11 if I was at friends houses then the parents were always there. :S My pocket money never covered days out alone to cover buses, shopping etc at that age either so in the summer hols if I ever got trips out with friends shopping, restraunts, the zoo, whatever, adults were there to. I can't think of a time I was ever alone with a boy. Infact my dad laughed in my face when I asked for my 13 year old boyfriend to stay overnight though he let us stay in the lounge with him trundling about in the garden/kitchen etc always "popping" in to see if we needed food. Hmm I think it's quite a shocking story. I'm the same age as the grand parents and I can't imagine thinking about being a Nan! Shock

TheXxed · 16/04/2014 16:26

The girls father called into LBC to speak with Nick Ferrari.

I feel sick, these poor children are going to have their entire lives picked apart for entertainment. I don't understand how anyone is going to come out of this healthy.

ACatCalledColin · 16/04/2014 16:26

because i bet the girl does not live with his parents, she will live with her mother most possibly with an absent father.

But she wouldn't have got pregnant without the boyfriend.

Anyway her father isn't absent, he's involved with her life.

Cupid5tunt · 16/04/2014 16:26

Yes but they are both minors so why should the boyfriend be prosecuted over her? Because he's a little bit older? He's still a minor. And since he is also a minor having sex why wouldn't his parents be prosecuted also?

From what has been said the girl splits time between her Mum and her Dad's and then again who is to say that the baby was conceived in the mothers house? It has been said it would be possible but so could anywhere be possible. The child could of been in a bloody field, would you prosecute the farmer?

Cupid5tunt · 16/04/2014 16:27

could have been conceived*