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Original poster

27 year old Grandmother

665 replies

bongobaby · 16/04/2014 13:02

Her 12 year old daughter has given birth last Sundayand the dad is 13. She fell pregnant in year 6 of primary school. They are totally in love and into each other and want to get married.
Why an earth would you want to be a grandmother at 27 with a daughter of 12 now a mother.

OP posts:
TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 16/04/2014 16:28

"prosecution for the mother who has clearly neglected her daughter, and the boyfriend. "

Seriously? An 11 year old and a 13 year old could make a baby in about 10 minutes. An 11 year old and a 13 year old alone together for 10 minutes is not neglect.

mrsbucketxx · 16/04/2014 16:28

sorry but i cant believe that it was her idea to have sex at that young age, i bet you life it was his, with crazy boy hormones etc.

this type of abuse has to stop, sex below 16 is illegal the law should be enforced especially so young.

this is not a case where they are nearly 16 the girl was 11

mrsbucketxx · 16/04/2014 16:30

how is allowing an 11 year old to get pregnant not neglect.

shocking attitudes of how this is supposedly ok

IceBeing · 16/04/2014 16:32

finding it pretty disgusting how many on here seem to think sole responsibility for protecting a daughter lies with the mother.

rainbowfeet · 16/04/2014 16:33

Acatcalledcolin . It wouldn't have occurred to me at that age to want to know what it was all about. It was'nt in our favourite pop songs/videos (except Relax by Frankie goes to Hollywood)!! If I saw any kind of sexual stuff on TV is was by accident because it was on after my enforced bedtime. It wasn't in my Jackie or Look in magazine. I didn't have the word Sexy in diamantes on the back of my knickers!!! At 11 I was a child being brought up by responsible parents as a child. There were rules & boundaries. If the media & society now were like they were in the past then parents of 11 year old girls wouldn't have to question if their daughters know what sexual intercourse is.

Times have changed & yes my 11yr old has had some sexual ed at school, I have bought her a great book as a reference & we have an open relationship (hopefully) but I also monitor her internet & parental blocks are in place on her tablet (no smart phone). She doesn't wear adult or provocative clothes & if I deem a TV programme not suitable then she doesn't watch it.

As well as sexual facts & knowledge of contraception, we have talked about peer pressure, the pressure boys can put on girls to do things they don't want to do. About respecting yourself & your body & only doing something so intimate & special with someone you love & trust & you aren't really old enough to make that kind of judgement until you have experienced a bit of life. I tell her that boys & relationships can get in the way of studies & her 1st priority should be studies. I have said I would be disappointed if she were to have unprotected sex at a young age as I think she is worth more but most importantly I'm here to talk about anything at anytime. To me that's education & discipline.
If all parents did this hopefully today's story of an 11 year old having sex & getting pregnant will remain a rare event.

Cupid5tunt · 16/04/2014 16:35

Nobody has said that it's ok. They are saying that it has happened. However the automatic answer shouldn't be to place blame, prosecute, put the baby in care.

It should be to help, protect, support, and aid with the upbringing of this child by the immediate family (which is what they are doing)

Cupid5tunt · 16/04/2014 16:35

Icebeing

Me too.

mrsbucketxx · 16/04/2014 16:36

there is no mention of the father is there or i would have said so.

yes if both are involved both should be prosecuted.

HolidayCriminal · 16/04/2014 16:36

When I was a child (under 10) I knew other kids who were very sexually active with each other, very voluntarily. Not old enough to understand what they were doing, but keen all the same to try everything they could think of.

ACatCalledColin · 16/04/2014 16:36

this type of abuse has to stop, sex below 16 is illegal the law should be enforced especially so young

Having sex under 16 isn't illegal. It's illegal for a person over 16 to have sex with someone under 16. However two teenagers under 16 having sex with each other is not illegal.

The age of consent is there to protect children from older predatory adults. It's not there to prosecute mutually consenting teenagers. Even if a 16 year old and a 15 year old had sex it's highly unlikely that the police would actually care because 15 and 16 would fall under the umbrella of "mutually consenting".

IceBeing · 16/04/2014 16:37

mrsB so you can avoid prosecution for neglect by never having anything to do with a child? That doesn't really seem right (although it probably is the reality).

mrsbucketxx · 16/04/2014 16:38

11 is no teenager its a child.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 16/04/2014 16:38

"how is allowing an 11 year old to get pregnant not neglect.

shocking attitudes of how this is supposedly ok"

Of course it's not ok. That doesn't mean it's neglect. If DS goes out the age of 11 and breaks someone's window, he will be bollocked by me and his dad and possibly talked to by a community liaison officer but that wouldn't mean he was neglected.

Cupid5tunt · 16/04/2014 16:39

He was on the radio today.

So that's great we prosecute the parents and what happens to the new Mum? She is put into the social care system? Because that will have a massive positive influence on the remainder of her youth won't it?

Social care over the love and support of 4 adults who no doubt will help as much as they can to bring up the baby within a family environment - awesome.

rainbowfeet · 16/04/2014 16:39

Holiday criminal ... Full penetrative sex???? Under 10 years old

mrsbucketxx · 16/04/2014 16:40

breaking a window and an 11 year old having sex and two completely different things.

its 11 not 15.

mercibucket · 16/04/2014 16:41

fostering mum and baby families are amazing so it might be better for her than an environment where parents let her get pregnant at 11. but social services can decide that. maybe the 11 year old's home life is stable and her parents will be good role models.

Grennie · 16/04/2014 16:41

Criminal - It is common for children who have been sexually abused by adults, to have sex with other children. The situation you describe would be a red flag for child sexual abuse.

jacks365 · 16/04/2014 16:41

acatcalledcolin the law is that it is illegal to have sex with someone under 16 so if both are under age of consent then both are breaking the law. It doesn't have to be someone over the age of consent.

Cupid5tunt · 16/04/2014 16:42

Some fostering mum and baby families are amazing - not all.

ACatCalledColin · 16/04/2014 16:42

Um, rainbow my parents were very responsible, thanks. Hmm My parents also had rules and boundaries. It didn't stop me knowing what sex was.

Sorry, but I still think if you didn't know what sex was at 11 and your peers didn't either then you were still at the minority for that time.

mercibucket · 16/04/2014 16:43

yes, i guess maybe it depends on the foster care family but it is a specialist placement where we are and they are v v careful who fosters mum/baby units

IceBeing · 16/04/2014 16:44

It is not necessarily 'neglect' but is totally neglectful on the part of all 4 parents because a child of 11 should know what sex is and the consequences of sex. A child of 11 should know that you should not have a baby without having the reasonable expectation of having the means to provide and look after said baby.

There is no need for an NT 11 year old to be fooling around without knowing what they are doing. There is no need for an NT 11 year old to not appreciate that there are consequences of their actions and to have a sense of personal responsibility.

However there are many many other ways in which children defy their parents and do things for which the parents are not prosecuted. So it doesn't seem likely/right that anyone be prosecuted in this case either.

ACatCalledColin · 16/04/2014 16:45

acatcalledcolin the law is that it is illegal to have sex with someone under 16 so if both are under age of consent then both are breaking the law. It doesn't have to be someone over the age of consent.

The point is is that the age of consent is there to protect children from older predatory adults. It is not there to prosecute mutually consenting teenagers of similar ages.

jacks365 · 16/04/2014 16:47

But these are not mutually consenting teenagers of a similar age. Yes he was a teenager at the end of year 8 at secondary school she was still at primary that is a big difference.