27 year old Grandmother

[bongobaby]

Her 12 year old daughter has given birth last Sundayand the dad is 13. She fell pregnant in year 6 of primary school. They are totally in love and into each other and want to get married.
Why an earth would you want to be a grandmother at 27 with a daughter of 12 now a mother.

"Have you never done text analysis, where you glean the tone of the text, or the atmosphere, or the general...I don't know... ethos of the text?"

Well if you have- you might want to consider revisiting it because you're picking up stuff that isnt there.

Yep i went to an all girls school. It made boys very exciting

at artfully displayed. They were in a cupboard not part of a collage.

No one is saying teen pregnancy isn't sad, isn't going to change their life phenomenally, isn't going to restrict their life choices epically. What is being said is that to provide a teenager with the proper protection and knowledge would hopefully prevent the above.

It's not about endorsing underage sex it's about preventing unwanted pregnancy and STIs if they decide to go out and have sex. You can rest assured my parents didn't discuss sex with me, I didn't tell them about my sex life and I didn't always practice safe sex. There were no family outings to the family planning clinic. Maybe if they had been more open and discussion had been available it would have stopped me getting into some pretty bad positions.

They never questioned the missing condoms and my poor big brother probably got the blame for some time. There was also zero discussion when my Dad had to pick me up from a ONS house age 15. Not exemplary parenting in that department.

While I can understand wanting to keep them from sex for as long as possible, keeping them away from boys completely just a) makes boys seem more exciting as sillybilly said and b) means they are far more likely to get taken in by a user or a chancer surely?

One of the ways that we learn which ones to avoid are by meeting nice ones and nasty ones and learning to tell the difference. By totally isolating them from the opposite sex during their teens, they will head off to Uni as easy prey for the bastards.

Knowledge is power laqueen. Far better your teens feel ableto let you know what they're really doing and who with even if they know you dont like it than to feel that they have to hide everything you dont like them doing. Its fine to not like it. I wouldnt either, but if you keep the lines of communication open you are in a far better position to be able to guide them in a better direction before things get dangerous than if you have been kept in the dark until they have no other options but to come to you for help when the bad thing has already happened.

Should have used more full stops

Well I don't take that view point. I certainly wouldn't want my daughter to be a teenage Mum buy if it ever did happen we'd get through it whatever she chose to do together and I wouldn't be standing there wagging my finger, she'd be going through he'll and I wouldn't make it worse by her feeling like I was judging her. I wold guide her in options but I'd back her choice 110%

Apologies, try and read through typos. I'm supervising 3 toddlers painting eggs in my freshly cleaned, was pristine kitchen

Mmmn yes I went to an all girls grammar school. Most of us were on the pill at 15. I don't know if other parents knew, mine certainly didn't know one iota what I was up to.

This was 1980.

I vowed my kids wouldn't be left to flounder like I was and my friends were.

Totally disagree with the comment about getting pregnant doesn't matter to parents of teens like mine! Ridiculous comment and laughable as my 15 year old dd most certainly won't be getting pregnant as I made sure she was protected when she came to me to discuss her options.

Doesn't make me a better/worse better parents but I listened and helped.

I add the reason I didn't send my girls or my boys to a single sex school was precisely because both me and dh had been to ones and it completely screwed our ability to filter good/bad of either sex and made them all seem attractive.

Mine have a much better nasty git user radar as they have been size by side with both types at school.

Boys and girls.

Huh. I found that a single-sex school protected me from boys when I was 11-16 as I just didn't really meet any, except at drama group etc.

Admittedly I hit mixed sixth form with a bang...

"I believe that prevention is far better than cure, in such cases."

Indeed. Which is why myself and others have said we will make sure our teens have access and support to access contraceptives and condoms and any advice they need, even before the magical age of 16. Because as you say- prevention is better than opening the biggest can of whoopass on your pregnant teen. Btw- i had the can of whoopass treatment when parents discovered pregnancy. I was still pregnant after it though.

"I believe that prevention is far better than cure, in such cases."

Indeed. Which is why myself and others have said we will make sure our teens have access and support to access contraceptives and condoms and any advice they need, even before the magical age of 16. Because as you say- prevention is better than opening the biggest can of whoopass on your pregnant teen. Btw- i had the can of whoopass treatment when parents discovered pregnancy. I was still pregnant after it though.

I agree that prevention is the best option, hence why I would want my daughter to have access to contraception. I don't want it to be a taboo subject or something she is embarrassed to speak to me about. Chances are if she's embarrassed discussing it she may be embarrassed to insist that it is used when the time comes.

I'm quite open about talking about sex. I want my daughter to be open with me about it too. That doesn't mean I want to know details it just means that I would hope that she would come to me if she ever needed to knowing that I would not judge her.

Hey LQ! Good to "see" you :)

I get what you mean about your prevention method, but I would give you a warning. My mother was exactly the same, which meant that when I was 17 and discovered I was 6 months pregnant (was on the pill and had no clue), I didnt dare tell her. She had actually said, when a girl in my year got pg at 15 "If either of you get in that state, you neednt bother coming home". It was just (literally) before I gave birth that she was told. I didnt get any antenatal care and was quite ill because I was just too scared to tell anyone in case she found out :(