27 year old Grandmother

[bongobaby]

Her 12 year old daughter has given birth last Sundayand the dad is 13. She fell pregnant in year 6 of primary school. They are totally in love and into each other and want to get married.
Why an earth would you want to be a grandmother at 27 with a daughter of 12 now a mother.

Her father isn't absent. He's involved with her life. How many times does this need to be said?

Hmm, maybe i was more inclined to mischief than most but i regularly invented netball practices or after school study sessions to give me an hour in town with friends after school and my mum was none the wiser. And this was from first year so 11 years old for me and with older friends in second and third year. My parents were far from lax aswell. We had a childminder until i was 14 to pick us up off the bus and be at home with us til mum/dad got in after 6. But between walking out of school and getting into the childminder's car there were loads of opportunities to misbehave which i often did. The bus journey was an education in itself.

While this story is being used to whip up Broken Britain stereotypes, it is actually extremely rare.

Figures released by the Office for National Statistics in February showed the UK under-18 conception rate remains the lowest since 1969 at 27.9 per cent per 1,000 women aged 15 to 17.

They also revealed that 253 girls under 14 fell pregnant in 2012, fewer than the previous year, with almost three-quarters having an abortion.

Thanks BOF.

Yawn again people 11 is not 15!

Huge difference.

yourebeingasillybilly

I reckon we are twins!

Same naughtiness!!

There is a huge difference, but as with many thread the conversation does evolve.

LaQueen and Kareninsgirl: I was so relieved to read your posts on here. I was feeling pretty demoralised until then. Thank goodness I am not the only one has no desire to encourage my children to have sex (though it does feel that way on here sometimes).

" Thank goodness I am not the only one has no desire to encourage my children to have sex "

I don't think any poster is encouraging it, just handling the issue when it comes up...

I'm not going to encourage, I will try and keep my DC safe from STI and pregnancy.

If that means getting the condoms and support DD on hormonal contraception of her choice, then that what I will do.

I was on the pill from the age of 12, I wasn't even thinking about sex. I had it for extremely heavy and painful periods. I didn't have sex until I was 18.

At 14 I went on the implant, as it was easier.

As a 14 year old I was very nervous and I thank my mum for taking me to the family planning and supporting me.

I didn't notice anyone saying they'd encourage their child to have sex.

Coming late and havent RTFT in full, but I read the transcript of the radio show and I felt very sorry for the father of the girl.

As he said, she was 8 months when they found out, it was a done deal (his words), so how could they do anything but support her in what was going to happen? They couldnt change the fact that within a month or so, she was going to have a baby. He said that they will support her and the baby financially, will help her and the baby, what else could they do?

I would be utterly horrified if that was my child, either father or mother, and having been a young mother myself (17 when I had DS, didnt know I was pg til I was 6 months) I make no secret of how important saying "No" is, how important contraception is, and yes I do tend to be over protective with them all.

But its happened, all the judging in the world wont change that. Its what happens now that is important.

I wonder if the parents (now grandparents) where not mature enough to educate these poor children. I have to ask do we really all think at 11 they knew the full implications of their actions. I think not.

Re: 11 year old having a BF/GF, I would imagine that the parents thought that it was sweet and that they held hands and went everywhere together, but it wouldnt have crossed their minds about them having sex.

I wouldnt like it if 12 year old DD2 said she had a BF but tbh until today it probably wouldnt have entered my head that she might be having sex.

This to me is another example of what sexualisation and pornography has done to our children. I refuse to believe that a 13 year old would know what to do regarding having sex without porn (or abuse, but porn is more likely) or that an 11 year old would be ok with doing it unless she thought that boyfriend = sex.

We are damaging our children. Every time there is a one night stand on Eastenders, or someone says "I really like you" and then immediately shags them on Hollyoaks or whatever (dont watch soaps so guessing!) we are sending the message that sex is the end result.

When did it stop being "going out with..." and become "sleeping with..."?

You are blaming the parents "kelcol" but I think we should be blaming ourselves.

As a society we are so used to seeing sexual images or implications that it doesnt occur to us what we are doing by allowing our children see that too.

thebodydoestricks -are you yawning at my post? Did you notice the part about under 14s? Incidences of eleven year-olds becoming pregnant in this country are too small to register as a category. It is extremely rare.

Read this this morning:

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/10770366/A-12-year-old-mother-is-a-case-not-for-the-midwife-but-the-police.html

I'm not sure what to make of it - some very salient points but a lot of pearl clutching over what is, as other posters have pointed out, is a rare occurrence.

I remember reading Judy Blume's 'Forever' when I was 10 so I knew what sex was at that age. That was the early 90s. Even by the time I left school I was shocked at how much the first years knew about sex compared to my generation.

I think lots of parents don't realise how sexualised young kids are today.

Examples: a 6 yo boy told my DS he had seen 'naked ladies' on his Dad's computer

A 9yo boy asked me if I knew what a gang bang was- he had a pretty good idea himself

My 10yo was at a birthday party (all kids same age) where the guests were watching porn on their iPads.

Parents might think their children are safe if they know where they are or don't let them have smartphones etc but there will be other kids in the playground who will and for schools with out lunches they can get up to all sorts in that time- I know if primary aged kids who were found in a pub at lunchtime!

know who she is with - precisely. I know what she is doing too

If she didn't want you to know, you wouldn't!

Bof sorry no not at all at your post.

I was getting fed up of posters comparing 11 to 15 up thread. Yes both are under age but there's a massive difference in the maturity and understanding in average between these ages.

AliceWhiting you must be reading a different thread. No one here has encouraged their children to have sex.

Talking about contraception and listening to your children. Providing practical help and support are what a sensible parent should do.

Every child is different. My 4 certainly are/were as teens.

Porn at 10 year olds parties!?!?! I'm all for educating kids that young on sex and what it is but porn. All the mainstream free porn sites the front page is littered full of "non normal" sex if you see what I mean, anal, fisting etc etc, normalising these things to. Makes me think kids will grow up and just be de sensitised to normal sex. Makes me very glad I had no internet growing up, and I do think porn is a lot to blame for kids trying things younger and younger.

I have been to many 10 year old parties over the last few years and can honestly say there's been no porn.

However I remember lads at my school looking at dirty mags in 1974 when I was 10.

I think we are getting a bit hysterical here. It's still rare of an 11 year old to get pregnant in the UK.

Anyone who remembers the 70s like me can tell you that illusions to sex, smutty behaviour, innuendo and poem were part if the mainstream sexist culture. I think far more shocking than today.

My mil got pregnant at 16 in 1956, the difference bring the teens got married then. They had 5 more kids and a wonderfully happy marriage.

I think we protect our children better now than we ever did actually. Look at all the old allegations of abuse coming out now.

The problem is that there seems to be no middle ground between how it was in the 60's where young girls had no choice but to give up their babies and were considered to have scandalised their families, and now where teenage pregnancy is almost embraced with an attitude of "oh well, it's happened, how lovely to have a baby, and I'm sure she'll make a lovely mum,"

Attitudes to sex have changed from it being a tabu and something which should be reserved for loving, long-term, stable relationships when over the age of consent to education as to where to get the best contraception and protection against std's under the attitude of "well they'll just do it anyway so might as well help them." Just at what age is that acceptable. fourteen? twelve? ten?

And with the attitude that parents have no control over whether their children are out having sex, surely that is just abdicating responsibility for children. If we have no control over what children do anyway, if they will be having sex and babies regardless and we should just be there to pick up the pieces, then why bother to keep the children at home anyway? After all, if they're out having sex at eleven and the parents shouldn't be expected to take control of that then surely at eleven they are old enough to leave home and strike out on their own? No thought not.

It's very simple, if your eleven year old is out there having sex then you have failed as a parent. It's precisely because adults have taken the attitude that it's nothing to do with them that this has been allowed to happen in the first place.

Eleven year olds having sex is not normal and is not ok. And yes, some hard questions should be asked of the parents including whether that environment is the best place to bring up that baby or whether it would in fact be better placed for adoption where it has less of a chance of repeating the cycle.

wannabe yes I agree,as I think most posters would,that having sex at 11 is wrong on all levels.

Mid teens are a case by case basis IMO.

We have no idea how many 11 or 12 year old are having sex (or should it really be 'being raped' as they are under age of consent?). We know about pregnancies because they show up in stats but for every pregnancy there will be many others having sex who are either not fertile yet, using contraception, or just 'lucky'.

My 11yo knows where to find condoms in our house. I hope he doesn't have sex for several years but at least he knows sex makes babies and how to stop this if he does decide to do it. He isn't supervised 24/7 so in theory he could have the opportunity. Horrible thought though.