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AIBU?

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Original poster

27 year old Grandmother

665 replies

bongobaby · 16/04/2014 13:02

Her 12 year old daughter has given birth last Sundayand the dad is 13. She fell pregnant in year 6 of primary school. They are totally in love and into each other and want to get married.
Why an earth would you want to be a grandmother at 27 with a daughter of 12 now a mother.

OP posts:
NurseyWursey · 16/04/2014 19:12

karen I'm sorry but that's exactly what my mum thought about me, which is why she was mortified when she found the pill hidden in my room.

I hope your DD is different however

ACatCalledColin · 16/04/2014 19:13

She values her body and her emotional well being enough not to have sex at 15! For her, boys are not the be all and end all - she has more going on in her life than rushing to break her virginity.

Honestly I think it's great that your DD can talk to you and that she values her body and emotional well being. She's not ready for sex and she knows that so she isn't going to do it yet no matter what anyone else says which is great.

However just because someone has sex at a young age does not mean that they don't value their body and emotional well being. Nor does it mean that their life revolves around the opposite sex and they have no other interests or care about their education. Nor does it mean they have low moral standards. Do you not understand that?

KareninsGirl · 16/04/2014 19:29

I'm finding the fact that some posters appear to prefer to doubt the openness and trust of mine and my DDs relationship, and the fact she isn't in any rush to have sex, a bit strange. Particularly as it's being implied she doesn't actually feel this way at all. I mean, it's not impossible to have a 15 yr old DD who truly feels this way...it's amazing this is questioned so much!

No. She isn't ready. She has clearly stated this. I admire her.

thebodydoestricks · 16/04/2014 19:30

Yes of course, sorry Thedoctrine

My view is the biggest threat to my kids is not underage sex but underage pregnancy or in the case of my lads being dads.

It's no good saying 'oh my kids would never do that, they arnt interested.

That's not good parenting in my view that's lazy smugness.

Kids have a way of biting your arse.

Cupid5tunt · 16/04/2014 19:31

No it's not impossible at all and I haven't said that once. What I'm saying is she may not tell you if she feels differently.

thebodydoestricks · 16/04/2014 19:43

karen I absolutely think that's great.

Kids are all different and mature at different rates.

Yours is where she is and mine is where she is!

We are both listening our dds and that makes us good parents.

ACatCalledColin · 16/04/2014 19:49

But if your dd did want to have sex Karen (and if is the key word here) that wouldn't mean that she doesn't have high moral standards or was giving into peer pressure or didn't respect her emotional well being.

You kept bringing them up when talking about her not being ready for sex when they're not linked. You were implying that anyone who does have sex underage has low moral standards and didn't respect themselves when that's not always the case.

KareninsGirl · 16/04/2014 20:09

I'm saying that having sex when you're a child still is not a good thing and shouldn't be encouraged.

I personally think it requires more than just physical maturity to deal with a sexual relationship.

And sorry, I do think that not wanting to have sex when you're only 15 should be commended.

partialderivative · 16/04/2014 20:13

There is always a chance she can be a great-grand mother before she is 40!

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 16/04/2014 20:15

Wanting to have sex at 15 is entirely normal and natural. So is not wanting to have sex at 15. Neither are commendable. Commendable is for acting appropriately. Wanting or not wanting isnt an action. It's just how they feel. Your daughter didnt choose to not want sex, she just doesnt want it. Just like others dont choose to want sex, they just want it. Commendable would be for acting responsibly when it comes time to actually have sex, which many 15 year olds are doing- acting responsibly by having safe sex.

thebodydoestricks · 16/04/2014 20:15

No I don't think it's to be commended or condemned to be honest.

It's just where your dd is.

Doesn't make her or you better or worse than any other mum or dd.

Just the way it is for you guys.

You can't compare.

sassysally · 16/04/2014 20:46

To play devil's advocate, what actually is so terrible about a horny girl of 11/12 having sex with a boy the same age? Why is it a good thing for them to repress their libido? would it be better to be more tolerant and give them access to contraception

Saski · 16/04/2014 20:53

It's not normal for an 11 year old to have sex. I doubt she even has a libido to speak of. I'm rather shocked by your suggestion, sassy.

squoosh · 16/04/2014 20:56

sassy an 11 year does not have anywhere near the emotional maturity required for a sexual relationship.

Odaat · 16/04/2014 21:03

This whole subject is a big bucket of wrong! (As my American pal would say)
Just wrong, wrong and wrong ...
2 childhoods wasted - and possibly a third :(

NurseyWursey · 16/04/2014 21:05

sally do you honestly think she'll be 'horny' though. I doubt she's ever even had an orgasm. The lad is hardly going to be well versed in foreplay.

However when I was in yr6 in school I sat next to a girl who used to masturbate in class. She used to rub herself on the chair and her eyes would rub to the back of her head. Horrible.

Cupid5tunt · 16/04/2014 21:12

Sassy there is a lot wrong with it. Obviously nobody wants an 11 year old having sex.

The fact that it happens is a different matter and how you deal with that reality is also different but it wouldn't be behaviour any sensible adult would actively encourage surely?

mrsbucketxx · 16/04/2014 21:45

Surely sassy you should encourage a horny 12 year old to "diy" not have sex with someone else.

As I thought an absent father.

Cupid5tunt · 16/04/2014 21:55

Where are you getting that her father was absent and why is it relevant?

I have plenty of friends that had absent fathers they are now all mid 20s and only one has a child and she is married to her babies Dad. I have friends who had 2 very much present parents who had children young. What's your point?

Pagwatch · 16/04/2014 21:58

My DD is 11. I would be pretty Hmm about her having a boyfriend. I'm struggling to think of circumstances where she and a boyfriend would be alone together.
It's incredibly sad for everyone involved. These are children having children.

NotHisMistress · 16/04/2014 22:02

do you know where your children are at all times?
Yes, when she was 11, I did know where she was at all times.

Pagwatch · 16/04/2014 22:03

Yes. DD is 12 in Sept. I always know exactly where she is.

Cupid5tunt · 16/04/2014 22:05

God when I was 11 my Mum knew where I was but not always who with or what was going on.

happyyonisleepyyoni · 16/04/2014 22:07

Wow sassysally. An 11 year old is still at primary school and not physically, emotionally or intellectually mature enough to be having sex.

Pagwatch · 16/04/2014 22:08

I know who she is with - precisely. I know what she is doing too.

It's odd actually now I think about it - my parents had no idea what I was doing or where I was. It's quite sad actually.