27 year old Grandmother

[bongobaby]

Her 12 year old daughter has given birth last Sundayand the dad is 13. She fell pregnant in year 6 of primary school. They are totally in love and into each other and want to get married.
Why an earth would you want to be a grandmother at 27 with a daughter of 12 now a mother.

Sorry thebodydoestricks but there is no way I would allow my 15 yr old daughter to go on the pill and have sex, regardless how long she had been with her boyfriend.

no matter what 15 year olds do, this is a girl in primary school

Why not Karen.

Would you want your daughter to have an unexpected pregnancy.

And how exactly would you stop her from having sex KareninsGirl? Lock her in her room? And how would you stop her going on the pill?

Under 16 year olds will have sex, it doesn't matter what you do.

Of course I don't want either of my DC to have sex so young, but I prefer them to have an open honest relationship with me and feel they can tell me anything.

I rather both DD and DC had safe sex, rather than me pointing out something they already know.

As her mum I am there to love and protect her and to enable her to understand the implications of a sexual relationship at such a young age. It isn't just pregnancy she would need to worry about! Also no contraception is 100% effective.

My daughter has high moral standards and I am extremely proud of her for not giving into peer pressure regarding g sex like some of her friends have.

If a 10/11 year old child is having regular sex then surely that is statutory rape?
This has to be a case of child neglect as well as child abuse IMO.

"Sorry thebodydoestricks but there is no way I would allow my 15 yr old daughter to go on the pill and have sex, regardless how long she had been with her boyfriend."

At 15 she is almost certainly Gillick competent and could get the pill without your knowledge or consent.

It's great that you have a good relationship and discuss these things though.

All though I think a lot of under 16's will have sex (all though a lot don't to, isn't the average age to lose virginity still 17?) I think it's unfair to say they all will! I am not that old (I think!) and as I wasn't allowed over my boyfriend's house unsupervised and neither him with me under 16, I couldn't do it as I didn't want to lose my virginity at a park/outside/somewhere I wasn't comfortable and I think there are still some teenagers out there who are sensible and think like this to. I hate it when people tar all teens off with the same brush as some DO wait (even if it is reluctantly) I certainly was pissed off with my Dad for not allowing my bf over (how dare he!) but I soon got over it.

My daughter has high moral standards and I am extremely proud of her for not giving into peer pressure regarding g sex like some of her friends have.

Just because someone has sex young doesn't mean they don't have moral standards or have given into peer pressure.

I've posted about this before but I lost my virginity at 14 which is obviously young but I wanted to do it myself, it was completely my decision. I was ready for it, there was no peer pressure involved and now 12 years later, I wouldn't change that for the world and have no regrets about it.

Being horny and having sex didn't mean I was a terrible person with no or low moral standards FFS. It just meant that I was ready at a younger age than most people. Having sex young didn't prevent me from getting straight A's in GCSE's and A Levels, going to university and getting a good job. It didn't turn me into a terrible person with no moral standards.

As her mum I am there to love and protect her and to enable her to understand the implications of a sexual relationship at such a young age. It isn't just pregnancy she would need to worry about! Also no contraception is 100% effective.

Obviously.

If your DD did want to have sex however and was going to do it anyway, short of locking her up, how could you stop her?

karen it doesn't matter what you'll allow. If she's going to do it she'll do it. All you're doing is letting her know she can't come to you in regards to contraception. Which she'll be able to get herself anyway.

I was 15 10 years ago and the Brook was always filled with girls in my year getting the morning after, pills etc.

Disgusted by the media circus around. This - slow news week? The Standard seems to imply the family are being hounded by the media - they are kids FFS.
I hope once everyone has done being shocked and indignant, the couple will get the support our society should be able to provide and they are a wonderful family.
Shame on the British media for deciding to drag this family on to the front pages like this.

Donnie, the child wasn't 10.

We don't have statutory rape in England and Wales, afaik.

It isn't child abuse if a 13 year old has sex with an 11 year old. It is of course a really bad thing that's happened.

thedoctrine I absolutly understand your post but that's our reality.

Dd is very mature after suffering a massive trauma and injuries 2 years ago. We are lucky to have her and feel blessed that she felt she could come up us and discuss this. She went to her older brother first and he told her to tell us.

I was in the pill at 15 from the brook centre, all my friends were too. Girls grammar school 1981. It's not new.

My mother never discussed anything with us and me and my dsis made bad choices.

I wanted better for my children.

My dds are doing well at school and have aspirations as did my dss.

You have to be pragmatic.

i think there is a difference between over and under 13 as to whether consent can be given, but it applies where the partner is older

Thebody, my post wasn't directed at you but at the poster who responded to you, think it was karenin. I think it's way better that you supported your 15 year old DD to get the pill than any alternative.

www.fpa.org.uk/factsheets/law-on-sex

Karen

You may say that but if she was having sex she probably wouldn't pop a sign on her door. I always find it amusing when parents say "I won't let my child have sex". I must have not realised that most people ask their parents permission to have under-age sex... Oh no wait a minute, they don't.

Even some schools are making condoms available to under 16s, good sense if you ask me.

My DD does talk to me about these things. She knows I won't judge her but will be a mother and guide her. Believe it or not, she trusts my advice!

She values her body and her emotional well being enough not to have sex at 15! For her, boys are not the be all and end all - she has more going on in her life than rushing to break her virginity.

We talk extremely openly. I had a very troubled teenage-hood which she knows about through discussion and reasoned conversation and has concluded in a very mature way that she would rather wait.

"Sorry thebodydoestricks but there is no way I would allow my 15 yr old daughter to go on the pill and have sex, regardless how long she had been with her boyfriend."

Hilarious and worrying that you think you get a say. If she wants to she will.

I would certainly never smirk, and look through my fingers at my under age DD illegally having sex before she was 16...whilst congratulatring myself that I was down wid da kids, yeah, and what an open and equal relationship I had with my DD.

I'm her Mum. I'm not here to act like a trendy older sister, or a devoted best friend. I am here to always, always look after her best interests, and to protect her from herself, on occasion.

Um, sorry but when did that poster say she was "smirking" and congratulating herself on being"down wid da kids"? I've re-read her post and I can't find anywhere where such a claim was made.

Her DD came to her asking for the pill as she wanted to have sex. If teenagers are going to have sex, they will and no amount of "you're too young", "it's illegal" and "you should wait" is going to change that. Would you rather that poster stuck her head into the sand and ignored the situation until her daughter came home pregnant one day because she wasn't protected? Personally I'd much rather have a daughter on the pill than a baby in the dumpster.

That poster even said herself that she would rather her kids waited until they were 18 to have sex however she knew that wasn't going to happen and she would have sex with or without her approval. She was being responsible by helping her get the pill and making sure she was protected. How exactly is that behaving like a trendy older sister?

The thing is though, it's fine to say that you wouldn't want your children to have sex under 16. I understand that. But other than the fact it becomes legal when your 16 what else changes? Nobody waves a magic wand the minute you turn 16 and you're suddenly ready for sex. Lots of people won't be. My best friend didn't have sex until she was 19 and then told me afterwards that she regretted it and wasn't really ready. Even now she regrets it. Yet I had sex at 14 and I was ready and have no regrets about it (see previous post). 16 is just a guide line, some people will be ready sooner, others won't be until much later.

Oh and another thing Karen I was very close to my Mum. After I had had sex I told her about another friend who had. She was very much you "need to respect yourself and your limits, you are too young etc etc". That stopped me from telling her and she still doesn't know what age I was even though we have always been very close and speak about everything else that is one thing I didn't and have never told her about.

Your views aren't necessarily your daughters and if she knows your views she would be unlikely to tell you when she does get round to it, if she hasn't already.

'Break' her virginity? That explains a lot.