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AIBU?

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Original poster

27 year old Grandmother

665 replies

bongobaby · 16/04/2014 13:02

Her 12 year old daughter has given birth last Sundayand the dad is 13. She fell pregnant in year 6 of primary school. They are totally in love and into each other and want to get married.
Why an earth would you want to be a grandmother at 27 with a daughter of 12 now a mother.

OP posts:
stooshe · 16/04/2014 17:15

Am I losing my natural mind, or is someone really saying that kids knowing the ins and out of sex (where what goes) at 11 is sad? Sex isn't sad. Furthermore, puberty and periods alone would warrant "the talk".

What is sad is that too many young kids have too much access to too much porn. Gone are the days of some spotty boy bringing in a torn porn mag into school that he found in hedge.
Maybe the concerned poster was confusing sex with pornography? (I hope so)

ACatCalledColin · 16/04/2014 17:15

stooshe did you mean to aim that post at me? Because I've never actually said that I think these two's relationship is okay and that it's okay for them to be having sex. It absolutely isn't.

If you're replying to my comments on age of consent, then I'll stress this again: I wasn't talking about these two. My comments were just general ones and not aimed at anyone in particular, especially not these two.

Why was this teenage boy having sex with a preteen?

I think we need clarification on how old this boy actually is first. The daily fail says he's two years older than her and would have been 13 at the time the baby was conceived (so 14 now). However The Metro says he's only a year older than her (12 at the time the baby was conceived, 13 now). In that case they both would have been pre-teens.

squoosh · 16/04/2014 17:16

Look to the countries with the lowest incidences of teen (and pre teen) pregnancy, lots of sex education. Follow their example.

rainbowfeet · 16/04/2014 17:17

Well my upbringing worked for me because I was 17 when I lost my virginity to a long term boyfriend after dating for 6 months & going on the pill in preparation.

squoosh · 16/04/2014 17:18

17? Much younger than me then.

DownstairsMixUp · 16/04/2014 17:18

Ooh I agree with Stooshe to I knew about sex at 11, I just thought it was gross. Maybe I was a bit of a late developer but I thought boys were a bit gross till a little after my 12th birthday to. Grin

Sad story though and I'm grateful I only have a 4 year old ds and another on the way, think I'm safe for a few years of being "nan!"

thebodydoestricks · 16/04/2014 17:20

squoosh exactly.

LaQueenOfTheSpring · 16/04/2014 17:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mykidsarebonkers · 16/04/2014 17:24

I certainly dont agree with this but its happened and cant be changed

I have seen many young girls (not 12 though) have babies over my midwifery career and many of these girls turned into good caring mothers.

We run parentcraft classes for young pregnant girls and its shocking how little they think about a future with their babies as they are still babies themselves.

When I was 12, I was very niave and still played with barbies. I certainly wasnt in the frame of mind for a baby.

Thouneedsbedamned · 16/04/2014 17:25

My aunt was pregnant at 13. My Nan had always been upfront about sex and both my aunt and my mother were taught about safe sex and healthy relationships but it happened anyway.

My whole family pulled together to help bring up my couisin who is grateful and humbled by the generosity and kindness that our family showed her Mum when others would have been sent away in "disgrace". She is very close to her Mum as well as her GP and extended aunts and uncles.

I hope the family can learn from this and provide a decent future for the baby. Cycles can be broken and lessons can be learned.

rainbowfeet · 16/04/2014 17:25

It was something I wanted to do & wasn't pressured into & never regretted. I have had a couple of one night stands as an adult & am not a prude. I have said I'm all for education & the DVD played at dd's school to year 5 & 6 pupils emphasises that sex is an important part of a long term loving relationship between 2 adults or for a couple to procreate & I think that that is a value that should be instilled at that age.. The knowledge of contraception should be secondary until a little older.

ACatCalledColin · 16/04/2014 17:27

I will not be telling my daughter it is a wonderful natural thing to go off & have sex with lots of boys willy nilly.

Nobody is saying you should tell your daughter that. Again, knowing about sex and actually having sex are two completely different things. Just because you know what sex is at a young age doesn't mean you're going to be rushing out and doing it the first chance you get.

If anything I think keeping it hidden and making out like it's some kind of dirty thing is far more damaging. It's fine if you want to keep your kids children for as long as possible but I don't think knowing about sex corrupts their childhood.

I knew about sex at 11 (looking back I probably knew about it younger) as did my peers but it didn't stop us still being kids and having a childhood.

No I stated earlier I went to a large primary & secondary school & sex was not a topic of conversation at age 11... Amongst my peers.

Exactly, it wasn't amongst you and your peers. However that doesn't mean that you and your peers weren't in the minority at the time. My mum is older than you and knew all about sex at 11 and it was a topic of conversation amongst her peers. So kids knowing about sex is hardly a new thing.

Obviously my mum's experience doesn't count for everyone's neither but it does show that it isn't a new thing.

edamsavestheday · 16/04/2014 17:29

Can't help giggling at use of 'willy nilly' in this context...

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 16/04/2014 17:30

I think contraception education needs to go hand in hand with sex education for precisely the reason we are discussing it! Talking about sex without talking about contraception is ridiculous. Sex should always include contraception until you are ready to have a family. Why on earth would you leave out such a vital part of the discussion until 'later'?

Original poster
bongobaby · 16/04/2014 17:30

Children are sexualised far to early nowadays. A few years ago where I live an 8 year old girl was caught by other kids trying to give a 6 year a BJ whilst playing out in the park. Shocking that they would even know what that is let alone try to do it. How are they so aware of how to be sexual towards each other.Needless to say all hell broke lose afterwards.
Maybe both sets of parents should be had a stern word to by social services to ensure that the girl does not fall pregnant again. 11 years old is such a tender age, and maybe it could be they were just experimenting but obviously it went to far resulting in the pregnancy. Why couldn't they just be happy to hold hands and go no further

OP posts:
ACatCalledColin · 16/04/2014 17:31

Who said that they'll leave the contraception part out of the discussion until later Billy? Because that's madness!

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 16/04/2014 17:32

Rainbow feet did

ACatCalledColin · 16/04/2014 17:32

Never mind, I found it.

Really though, why would you leave such an important part out until later? Shock

stooshe · 16/04/2014 17:33

ACatCalledColin. Yes, I did. Not at you, but at your contention that the age difference doesn't mean anything in this case. When I was fifteen, i used to be in awe of my twenty year old cousin. Now , because of life experiences the age gap doesn't mean a thing.
Maybe the father clarified the age in the interview with Nick Ferrari?However, one child being in Secondary school as opposed to the other being in primary school is what stuck out like a sore thumb for me.
That boy, in a developmental sense had no business troubling that girl. And the parents, between them seem slack, but loving. Not always the best thing...having no "edge".

thebodydoestricks · 16/04/2014 17:33

Talking to you children is not enough.

Providing access to condoms in the house, listening and intervening when your teens are in a relationship and may need contraception.

Pro active intervention to pregnancy needed.

ACatCalledColin · 16/04/2014 17:35

Um, I never said that the age difference in this case didn't mean anything Hmm. I've been merely trying to clarify how old the boy is as there seems to be conflicting reports. That doesn't mean I think it's okay.

ICanSeeTheSun · 16/04/2014 17:36

There have been threads on here when a poster ask Iabu to get my son condoms or support my DD in contraception choices where other poster have said no, it encourages under age sex.

An 11 year old getting pregnant is shocking, but unless every child is fitted with a chastity belt and forced feed the pill from 9 year old there is not a lot a parent can do.

My friend was pregnant a 13, her mother was very strict and she knew about pregnancy. Her thinking was it wouldn't happen to me. Naive yes but isn't most 13 years naive.

ACatCalledColin · 16/04/2014 17:36

Not unless you were referring to my post about age differences re:age of consent because those were general comments not aimed at these two and this case.

thebodydoestricks · 16/04/2014 17:38

My 15 year old dd is on the pill. She asked me to go to the GPs with her to sort out the best options for her as she felt ready for sex with her bf of over a year.

My older lads always had access to the condom tin as does my dds.

Of course I would prefer them all to be in bunches and him slips until 18( well not the lads) but it ain't going to happen.

Stop the threat of pregnancy and they can concentrate on careers and self esteem.

thebodydoestricks · 16/04/2014 17:39

Gym slips !!