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AIBU?

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27 year old Grandmother

665 replies

bongobaby · 16/04/2014 13:02

Her 12 year old daughter has given birth last Sundayand the dad is 13. She fell pregnant in year 6 of primary school. They are totally in love and into each other and want to get married.
Why an earth would you want to be a grandmother at 27 with a daughter of 12 now a mother.

OP posts:
rainbowfeet · 16/04/2014 16:48

I had my 1st proper open mouth snog at 11.. It was Confused.. I'm sure it never occurred to the boy to do anything else & I wouldn't have wanted him or allowed it! If this attitude at 11 is such an outdated one then as a society & as parents we need to fix things now.
children should not be exposed to so much sexual language & images they should be children.

People are giving the impression that I'm being naive & that makes me sad for the future.

ACatCalledColin · 16/04/2014 16:48

But these are not mutually consenting teenagers of a similar age. Yes he was a teenager at the end of year 8 at secondary school she was still at primary that is a big difference.

I wasn't talking about these two. It was a general, unrelated point.

manicinsomniac · 16/04/2014 16:49

Desperately sad situation but it sounds like all parties involved are doing the best they can to deal with it. I hope the new parents are able to get the support they need and are still able to finish their childhoods. Prosecution of anybody would be completely pointless.

I have an 11 year old coming to the end of Y6. Physically and emotionally she is very immature (about 4ft 7, 4.5 stone, makes a face about dancing with a boy and plays with dolls) so I don't think sex or pregnancy could be possible for her BUT she certainly has the opportunity. We live in a very safe area and she has had the freedom to play quite a distance from any adults in quite isolated places with both girls and boys for ages. She could be drinking, smoking, taking drugs and having sex and I wouldn't have a clue! I assume that she isn't because I personally don't think she is there developmentally at all. But I can't judge another parent (who isn't much younger than me, I had my daughter at 19) who has a more mature daughter for possibly parenting in a similar way with different, very sad, results.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 16/04/2014 16:50

She was in the last year of primary and he was one year ahead of her (her 11, him 12). Unless I can't do the maths?

ACatCalledColin · 16/04/2014 16:52

If this attitude at 11 is such an outdated one then as a society & as parents we need to fix things now.
children should not be exposed to so much sexual language & images they should be children.

Um, why? Why is knowing what sex is at a young age a bad thing? Sex is not dirty, it's a perfectly natural and normal thing. Why would you want to hide it and not expose children to it? Just because someone knows the ins and outs of sex does not mean they're going to run off and do the deed. In fact I'm pretty sure that there have been studies which showed early sex education actually delays children having sex.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 16/04/2014 16:53

Just RE the age of consent. The law might be the law, but how on earth is it in the public's interest to prosecute these two children?

rainbowfeet · 16/04/2014 16:54

Acatcalledcolin .. I'm 40 years old & no way did the majority of 11 year old 30 years ago know what sexual intercourse was.

If they do now then I think that's very sad.

jacks365 · 16/04/2014 16:54

I won't put the link up because it's the dailyfail but it states they are now in years 7 & 9 and the girl's father confirmed that the boy was 13 at the time she became pregnant.

ACatCalledColin · 16/04/2014 16:55

He is 13 now, she is 12 now. So he would have been 12 when they had sex and she would have been 11. That's only a year difference between them. Unless I can't do maths?

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 16/04/2014 16:55

"and the daughter and baby taken into an environment where this type of behavior is not accepted. at 12 the daughter and her baby need protection from this neglect"

How on earth do you know it is "accepted" it the family she is in? Do you think they should have kicked her out to show it wasnt acceptable to them? Seriously Hmm at some of the stupid comments on this thread

BlingBubbles · 16/04/2014 16:56

This whole situation is very sad for all involved and I am sure the mum and dad don't even realise the massive responsibility that they have ahead of them.

What I can't get my head around is how this poor child's mum or dad didn't even know she was pregnant for 8 months or how no one at school noticed?!

So sad....

rainbowfeet · 16/04/2014 16:57

Yes sex within a mature & trusting relationship is beautiful & that's what 11 years should be told... They should be told it's not dirty & natural & if you do it, get pregnant then I'll support you!

ACatCalledColin · 16/04/2014 17:00

Acatcalledcolin .. I'm 40 years old & no way did the majority of 11 year old 30 years ago know what sexual intercourse was.

How did you come to that conclusion? Did you know every single 11 year old in the country at the time? Confused

My mum is 46 and according to her she knew all about sex at that age, as did her peers. She remembers having a conversation about it with friends at that age - mostly about how strange it sounded and how they never wanted to do it.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 16/04/2014 17:01

As i said earlier- my ds is 8 and has known about sex and how babies are made since he was around 6. He knows that's what his dad and i did to create him. He knows that it's an enjoyable thing and that you have to use condoms and pills to avoid pregnancy and diseases and he knows that sex is for people older than 16 because before then their brains and bodies arent mature enough and that it is illegal.

HolidayCriminal · 16/04/2014 17:03

Full penetrative sex???? Under 10 years old

Yes, to best of their ability. Well under 10yo. Hippyish parents who hid no details so kids were curious to try it out with each other. No adults involved or abusers that I know of (but obv. I can't know everything).

Anyway, how could modern 11yos in UK NOT know what full sex was? That's an amazing achievement if so ignorant. So I can easily believe the girl-became-mother-too-young was quite keen but probably all the more naive about consequences if plenty of ppl thought she was too young to know what it could mean.

(I reckon I was raised on an alien planet from most MNers).

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 16/04/2014 17:03

Lots of younger women/girls dont often show a bump until late in pregnancy. My adult friend didnt know she was pregnant until 10 weeks before he was born.

Cupid5tunt · 16/04/2014 17:03

How is it sad for children to know what sex is?

If you educate your children on sex and what's acceptable and unacceptable surely that gives them a better chance of safeguarding themselves against abuse? Knowing about sex doesn't make them sexually active. We all know about drug addicts and pedophiles doesn't mean we are them.

MacBee · 16/04/2014 17:05

Just to say that the law regarding statutory rape does not apply to this case as both children were underage. There is no-one to prosecute here, probably no-one to heap all the blame onto. I think this is a case whereby children took something too far and the consequences are dreadful, yet cannot be changed. What this family needs now is support, not to be torn apart online. The only thing we as outsiders can do is to look at the world, how much sex is everywhere and focus on our own children as they grow up.

FWIW I think the girls father puts it very well here

stooshe · 16/04/2014 17:05

Acatcalledcolin. In this case we are talking about a child having a "relationship" with a teenager. When I was in secondary school, I didn't want anything to do with primary school kids.
Why was this teenage boy having sex with a preteen? I don't know what your memories are, but the difference in primary and secondary school is massive. Not so much handholding and far more personal responsibility is expected. By the middle of the first year, you damn near forget primary school.

Quite frankly, I think that the girl was coerced into sex. I also think that despite the grandparents working, there is a a laissez faire culture amongst them, especially the girl's two parents. What happened to the concept of family evolution? Just because I had my daughter quite young, and she's turned out alright (with family support), was I meant to foster a laissez faire culture towards sex, responsibility, personal ambition and personal relationships?

I remember my friend realising that her daughter was pregnant just because the shared pool of sanitary products wasn't being used up as quickly as before. Her daughter had to fess up at two months pregnant.

At least this girl's parents (I say this only because the parents appear not to be together, yet they BOTH didn't realise that something was amiss) will now HAVE to pay their daughter some mind. They are both probably still going through some kind of trauma caused by being young parents themselves, because it looks very sticky that neither of them noticed a change in their daughter.
As for the boy? Well he needs support, too...but I aint gonna lie..from the outside looking in, the whole set of these people seem very lax. I'm still laughing mirthlessly at the father's contention that these two kids have been in a "relationship" for a year. Loving people, but seemingly lacking in self awareness, are this lot (kids excepted).

squoosh · 16/04/2014 17:06

Someone being sad that 11 year olds know what sex is is so ridiculous.

rainbowfeet · 16/04/2014 17:10

No I stated earlier I went to a large primary & secondary school & sex was not a topic of conversation at age 11... Amongst my peers.

When it did begin to was probably around age 13 to 14 .. Mostly upon the launch of 'Just seventeen' magazine & More magazine.. But within my circle of friends we were still far more interested in clothes, music & hobbies. If any of my girlfriends did have sex under the age of 16 then they wouldn't have bragged about it & thought it was a natural & beautiful thing & I will not be telling my daughter it is a wonderful natural thing to go off & have sex with lots of boys willy nilly.

squoosh · 16/04/2014 17:11

'I will not be telling my daughter it is a wonderful natural thing to go off & have sex with lots of boys willy nilly.'

Was anyone advising you to?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 16/04/2014 17:12

"I'm 40 years old & no way did the majority of 11 year old 30 years ago know what sexual intercourse was. "

I'm two years younger than you and we passed around Judy Blume's "Forever" in the playground the last year of primary school.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 16/04/2014 17:13

What's sad is that people are in so much denial about what their children know and need to know. It is not protecting your children to keep them ignorant. The world still goes on all around them outside of your control whether you tell your children about sex or not so when your little darlings trot off into school they are hearing it from their friends at break time. Catch a grip and give them the right information and the self confidence to make the right decisions and talk to the right people when the time comes. Which will more than likely be sooner than you want it to be.

LaQueenOfTheSpring · 16/04/2014 17:13

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