Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want someone to take my baby away :-(

252 replies

MrsSeanBean1 · 13/04/2014 20:39

I know I am being unreasonable and I feel so guilty but if someone came to the door and offered to take my baby i would give him to them. I just can't listen to him crying anymore, he has cried for 24 hours with barely a break.

We have been in and out of hospital with him since he was born 6 weeks ago- poor weight gain, explosive nappies, stomach pain, projectile vomiting, never sleeping. He has been diagnosed with reflux/milk intolerance but I don't think anyone really knows for sure what is wrong with him.

We have tried about 4 different milks as breastfeeding made his symptoms even worse as no one advised me to try cutting out dairy. We were finally prescribed Neocate milk on Friday which we were told was the best- absolutely nothing in it to be intolerant to. Today he has been worse than ever and I don't think I can take anymore. Has anyone tried Neocate? Does it take a while to work? This was my last hope and now I feel hopeless.

My husband is very good but we have to look after him in shifts so someone is awake with him all of the time as he will never settle. I can't see an end to this and it's all getting too much. I have spoken to the HV but what can she say or do to help? Not much apart from to say it will get better eventually. I know that but eventually seems so far away when you're doing the nightshift with a baby that won't stop screaming. I've just sat for 10 minutes outside in the rain in my pajamas just to get a break from the crying. I have no one other than hubby to offer practical support due to family illness.

I went through hell to get my babies and should just be grateful I have them so why do I feel like this? How do you get through it with your sanity intact?

OP posts:
ilovemonstersInc · 14/04/2014 10:18

Just read you think hes a little constipated.

Neocate is a pre digested feed and there's little waste from it so they poo less..

ds has been on it for 2 years

Workingmamma · 14/04/2014 10:25

Sending sympathy - my first was like this (and I swore I'd never have any more after that one; it was truly awful). I'm in Newcastle area if you need anything. Due number 3 (12 years after number 1, I might add!) any day, but very much up for visits with a screamer, I can remember all too well what it was like xxxx

cattypussclaw · 14/04/2014 10:32

With you OP. At six weeks, I asked my husband if we could take our daughter back to the shop and get a refund. I was only half joking. It was the darkest time of my life. If you can afford it, get some help to give you a break. I had no family local but my husband found me a doula who did post-natal work and that jolly, lovely lady from Wales saved my sanity. You must look after yourself, I ploughed on until my DD was a few months old, thinking I was going mad, but had actually fallen into PND. I can't even give you any advice as to how we solved the 24/7 crying as I've utterly blanked out those few months in my mind (which does make me sad too as I have so little memory of my daughter when she was a tiny baby). All I can say is you will get there, it will pass. Little consolation, I know. Big hugs xx

Original poster
MrsSeanBean1 · 14/04/2014 19:45

Well, that's another hard day over with. DD2 had vomiting and diarrhoea but baby was a bit more settled. Both were sick all over me at some point. Baby has pooed at last - a dark green Neocate poo so thanks for the warning about that or I would have panicked!

Am going for a few hours sleep now before I take over from hubby for the nightshift at 11pm. I am feeling a bit sad as I realised today I have no bond with baby. He is just something annoying that I have to look after and I feel so awful saying that.

It took me about 3 months to begin to bond with DD after a dreadful labour (and lying with my eyes shut post delivery due to trauma and not seeing her for 2 hours) but now I love her so much it hurts. I am at my happiest lying in bed with her stroking her face and watching her sleep. I hope I can eventually feel that way about DS- it seems impossible at the moment .

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByABear · 14/04/2014 19:49

It will.

Original poster
MrsSeanBean1 · 14/04/2014 20:00

Thanks everyone x

OP posts:
Lovetobrowse · 14/04/2014 20:05

I don't normally post but I feel for you, my son was very similar. Omeprazole made a massive difference - my son was under a paediatrician because he was premature and I think you will need a referral for this, but do persevere with the doctors if you think he needs to try something new. The other thing which helped was a moby wrap - great for bonding and for keeping him upright while I got on with life! Like others have said, that period is now a blur to me... Good luck!

VisualiseAHorse · 14/04/2014 20:12

Things that helped me..

A wrap/sling. Try a Moby or a Caboo.
Sitting in a very dark room.
Swaddling.
Warm baths with the baby, feeding him at the same time.
Baby massage.

You will get there.

Coldlightofday · 14/04/2014 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mandy2003 · 14/04/2014 20:17

Cranial osteopathy! A colleague's baby was like yours OP and completely turned round after one session. Hugs, btw. So much good advice here, something will work.

Coldlightofday · 14/04/2014 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Robfordscrack · 15/04/2014 01:48

OP, I've been in your shoes, my DD was also hospitalized due to reflux and was on Neocate. She screamed round the clock due to the pain and alternated between that and being so exhausted she couldn't open her eyes. (It was terrifying no being able to get her to fully wake up) She screamed the one night full tilt from 10pm to 3am ALL the TIME, It was very stressful seeing my baby in so much pain. She was put on omeprazole which helped although she still threw up all the time, she wasn't in pain and could behave like a normal baby. I felt so stranded when we were in it, we couldn't go out as I was always measuring out medication and the constant vomitting was an issue - I couldn't keep clothes or bedding clean! At around 4 months things got better - she is a very happy toddler and we bonded a lot by being there for each other during that horrible reflux period. What helped was I met a mum in the doctors office that also had a reflux baby - she understood and our babies used to be together and it didn't matter if they vomited :)

ilovemonstersInc · 15/04/2014 09:54

Just seen your last post op.
I felt like someone had just handed me a baby to look after like I was looking after a sibling or something. Really hurt to feel like that but I promise that feeling goes away! I couldn't love ds1 more! Hes such a little fighter for what hes been through. You and your ds are too Flowers
how is he this morning

RufusTheReindeer · 15/04/2014 10:05

No advice (though try the cranial, seems to work for some things) as I'm crap

But I hope you are all doing ok, it must be incredibly hard work Thanks

Original poster
MrsSeanBean1 · 16/04/2014 18:13

Well that's it! It's the end of the road for me. I can't take anymore days like the last few. I have decided that I am leaving tomorrow. I'm just going to pack up and go. If I don't then I will phone social services and tell them to take the children away which isn't fair on them or my husband. I love my DD but she'll be ok with her dad and I have no feelings whatsoever for the baby so he is definitely better off without me. Thank you for all the support but ultimately I just wasn't good enough to cope.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 16/04/2014 18:20

You are good enough.

bumping this up so someone wise can comment.

Xx

GreenPetal94 · 16/04/2014 18:24

I would suggest continuing to seek medical advice but also sending you strength.

I was on my knees with a just two year old and ds2 who screamed most of his waking and non-drinking hours up to age 4 months. Medics and us never really figured out why other than "colic" and nothing helped, including various formula milks.

But the point to tell you is at about 4-5 months I realised he had stopped crying and started smiling, I've no idea why as at that point he was not on solid food. He was a happy and healthy wee thing after that and is fine now aged 11. But it was a very hard time.

RufusTheReindeer · 16/04/2014 18:24

Nope, you don't really want to do that. It must be incredibly hard for you and you must be so sleep deprived

Do you have close friend you could lend the baby to for a night?

Any family close?

Can you ring the HV or better still get an emergency doctors apt or go to the hospital?

I know you have probably done these or at least thought about them but I can't think of anything else

Have you looked at cranial?

Where are you? I can google some stuff for you if you like...or rather I can give it a go as I am fairly shit on the computer

GreenPetal94 · 16/04/2014 18:28

sorry cross posted. Don't go, at least not without agreeing it with your partner. It will get easier, just stay one day at a time. You can do it.

OriginofSymmetry · 16/04/2014 18:35

You are at your absolute limit. Just hang on, for another half and hour or for another day, just take it a minute at a time if you need to. But you need to seek real life help. You WILL get through this, you really will but you need to get help now. Have you tried the helpline on here? www.cry-sis.org.uk/

MariaJenny · 16/04/2014 18:40

Our first cried just about all evening when we got back from work. I would feed her (breastfed) almost constantly. At 10 I went to bed and her father took over until mid night holding her. Then I would feed her. We hardly slept for a good few months. She never slept through the night once until at least one and even after that not often. It does get better. Try to get as much help as you can. We left for work with such relief each morning (both worked full time) to have those precious hours without her. I suspect work saved our sanity.

ChestyNut · 16/04/2014 18:58

Talk to your DH mrs.

You are doing a fabulous job in very difficult circumstances.

Can DH have DCs tonight so you can just go to bed with ear plugs in?
I think you urgently need to see your GP....

Hang in there Thanks

londonrach · 16/04/2014 19:02

Sending you strength and support xxx.

JennyOnAPlate · 16/04/2014 19:03

Oh love I wish I could give you a cuddle.

I used to walk through the park with baby dd1 screaming in her pram, fantasizing about abandoning her behind a bush. It is so incredibly hard.

Please please please go and talk to your gp tomorrow. Your babies need you. And I know you won't believe me but this will pass. I promise Flowers

Bardette · 16/04/2014 19:08

Please talk to your Dh first. Maybe you and your other dcs could go away for a night? Where are you? Could you go and stay with family?