To want someone to take my baby away :-(

[MrsSeanBean1]

I know I am being unreasonable and I feel so guilty but if someone came to the door and offered to take my baby i would give him to them. I just can't listen to him crying anymore, he has cried for 24 hours with barely a break.

We have been in and out of hospital with him since he was born 6 weeks ago- poor weight gain, explosive nappies, stomach pain, projectile vomiting, never sleeping. He has been diagnosed with reflux/milk intolerance but I don't think anyone really knows for sure what is wrong with him.

We have tried about 4 different milks as breastfeeding made his symptoms even worse as no one advised me to try cutting out dairy. We were finally prescribed Neocate milk on Friday which we were told was the best- absolutely nothing in it to be intolerant to. Today he has been worse than ever and I don't think I can take anymore. Has anyone tried Neocate? Does it take a while to work? This was my last hope and now I feel hopeless.

My husband is very good but we have to look after him in shifts so someone is awake with him all of the time as he will never settle. I can't see an end to this and it's all getting too much. I have spoken to the HV but what can she say or do to help? Not much apart from to say it will get better eventually. I know that but eventually seems so far away when you're doing the nightshift with a baby that won't stop screaming. I've just sat for 10 minutes outside in the rain in my pajamas just to get a break from the crying. I have no one other than hubby to offer practical support due to family illness.

I went through hell to get my babies and should just be grateful I have them so why do I feel like this? How do you get through it with your sanity intact?

Can you contact your local Homestart?

They support families with at least one child under five by matching a volunteer befriender who visits once a week to give you some respite.

The website for your local branch is here

Oh my goodness, you poor things, all of you.

Here is a ((hug)) and a I wish I lived near you to help out.

My dd was lactose intolerant and we had to use special formula so I know a teeny bit how you are feeling.

It will get better but I know it doesn't help right now. I really sincerely hope you get a result with one of the medicines recommended on here.

I had 2 colicky babies, and used to pass out doze on the sofa / bed while they still screamed in the Moses basket right next to me. I held their hand while I dozed. Also used a movement monitor. Actually most of the time I woke up a couple of hours later and they'd gone to sleep.

This was after exhausting all other avenues just as you have done . Not ideal I know, but I had a toddler as well and until someone invents a way to stay awake 24/7 for 3 months then it was the only option.

No advice op but just wanted to say massive sympathies xx

Hi MrsBean. It's bloody relentless and scary, isn't it. My DD had silent reflux (still does) and those first months were horrible. No sleep, no idea what's wrong with your baby, nobody you speak to who remotely understands, i felt like i was poisoning my baby every time I tried to feed her because she would react so badly; I really started to lose the plot.

Ranitidine and osteopathy helped relieve (but not solve) it for DD but every baby is different. A couple of practical things spring to mind...
Has your baby been checked for tongue tie (by a lactation consultant or tongue tie specialist that can identify posterior tongue tie - not all can)? This can cause feeding issues and is sometimes associated with reflux, diary intolerance etc

Have you found the GORD (reflux) Facebook page yet? Can't link, as I'm on my phone. They are a national charity and there are lots of sympathetic, helpful and knowledgeable people there that have been through, or are going through, the same thing as you, and can support and guide you.

My DD would only sleep lying half upright across my chest, so the amby swing sounds brilliant. Persevere with the doctors and hospital, they will eventually pin it down. And you are doing a brilliant job, it's easy to forget that sometimes.

There is a living with reflux Facebook page. All parents who've been through or are going through this. The collective wisdom and experience is awesome and everyone will understand and help. They run local groups too. Agree ranitidine is pretty useless in severe cases though omeprazole changed our DS overnight. Much sympathy. It's very hard but you will find a solution that works for you all.

Mrs I was in your position this time 7 years ago. My dd 7 just wouldent stop crying, it was not like a normal cry but sounded like a wounded animal. She used to cry from 9am-9pm every day, it was relentless at night too. I had such severe PND I almost put a pillow over her head. After that I went to my GP and told him what I nearly did and I how I was feeling. He prescribed me AD which made me feel loads better and was so understanding. Pictures left getting help for so long as I was scared ss would take my baby sway

Now I think it may have been reflux and colic. It does get better, dd now has a dx of ASD which I think presented itself as a baby. She is a lovely girl who is kind and caring and I love being with her. I hate to look back in those dark early days. You are not alone .

Thank you everyone for your support. It just helps to remember that other people have been through it and survived!

That's the page, Living with reflux. There is also a 'CMPA support for reflux' group on FB that might be useful.

Althera is also another good formula to try. And agree with others regarding Omeprazole. That mixed with domperidone or ranitidine (or both!) will work wonders.
If you really need some help, I am a nanny and am happy to do a day/night with baby for you for free if you want it xx

Not a lot to add but your post almost made me cry and also made me remember the worst of the early days with DS. I haven't got time to read the thread so apologies if repeating but:

1. It took 4 days for Neocate to make a difference to DS, day 3 was literally the worst day ever and I pleaded with a and e to admit him (they wanted to but couldn't due to d and b outbreak on the ward) but day 4 was worlds better. It was still among path because the cows milk intollerance had caused reflux and damaged his stomach and it took months to heal properly, but it did heal and it was never as bad again after 4 days on Neocate.

2. go back to a and e. Insist on bring admitted if you need to. 24hrs of screaming is too much, you desperately need support.

3. not much help now but fwi DS is 19 months now and he's outgrown his allergy. He was so sick as a baby he dropped to the bottom of the centiles chart, he spent all his days (and nights) screaming and then passing out in exhaustion, he came this -- close to dehydration and we genuinely thought we were going to loose him but then a year later he grew out of the whole allergy! We could barely believe it.

Hugs.

Sending hugs!! DD screamed endlessly for first 9 weeks. It is not easy but it does pass - she is now a happy 12 year old and I could cry at how quick the years have gone. DS had pyloric stenosis so he wasn't much better. You will get through this.

Sending some hugs, OP. My DS cried constantly for four months. I say cried, I mean screamed.

What was your DS's birth like? It turns out the reason my DS screamed so much was because he was in pain from a ventouse birth and his neck was in agony. The reason he was sick so much was a mix of him screaming so hard and me feeding him because I mistook his screaming for hunger/needing comfort at the breast. I felt so guilty and would have happily given him away. I know MN is generally sceptical of osteopathy for children but it made such a difference to DS after the first session. He only needed 2 sessions in the end and he was like a different child - the sessions basically involved her massaging his neck. I suppose it could be a coincidence that he was better after the sessions, but if DD had been a screamy baby I wouldn't have had any hesitation in taking her, too.

I hope your DS improves soon - make sure you look after yourself

No advice, though I know there are loads of women here who have been through similar. Just big hugs and , my heart is with you. Xx

Oh Mrs you poor things. I have been there and it's indescribable. I clung to MN through the tough times, day and night. Keep posting. It does get better as you know but that doesn't help you now. Just get through each hour and take those ten minute breaks when you need them x

BTW, I only shared my experience because I was fobbed off by health visitors, GPs etc saying it was reflux and giving me medicines that didn't work. He did display all the symptoms of reflux, but nothing made any difference to him :(

Sending big hugs your way from me too. This will pass x

Been there OP, it is HORRIFIC. There are only about 3 photos of my dd when she was 3mo, as I was so low I didn't want to take any. It wasn't until she was 4mo she was diagnosed. I was ebf, and within 48hrs of stopping milk in my diet, she was a different child. I imagine it would have taken a bit longer if she was having formula, even the hydrolysed stuff.

Things that helped.

Swaddling her tightly, and upright, down the front of my dressing gown and walking. Don't know why, but it calmed her. I did a lot of this. A sling. Loud music - put your fave upbeat song on, LOUD, and dance with your screaming baby. This produced the first smile in our house at which point I bawled Against all advice, putting her in a pushchair, propped up, and walking round and round and round the block. Omeprazole.

I hope things will be on the up v soon. In the meantime, have some and and (hugs)

If you can take him to cranial osteopath. Worth a try.

Also recommend using a sling.

I hope things improve soon.

Feel for you too. A friend's baby was like this, though was a first baby, and no one believed her til he projectile vomited on the consultant!

He turned out to have pyloric stenosis, though by the time it was diagnosed no treatment was necessary. It was great to have an explanation though.

I am normally against any kind of alternative medicine as I think the vast majority of it is a complete waste of money, totally unproven etc..... But when my 12 wk old DS was screaming his head off with reflux I was desperate, took a friend's advice and went to see a cranial osteopath. I won't say he changed overnight but the improvement was huge. Could be worth a try.

Reflux can be soul destroying but it will get better.....I wish you and your lo all the best. Keep us updated.

MrsBean, if you do go down the osteopathy/cranial osteopathy route, then I can highly recommend Hales Osteopathic in Market Drayton, they're brilliant.

Alternatively, the Natural Health Practice in Shrewsbury also specialise in chiropractic for babies and children. Again, I can highly recommend these.

Just a thought.

I really hope it improves for you, you have my sympathies.

Hi Op, our little one was similar, she used to scream all the hours of day and night, I remember sobbing at her begging her to stop crying, its so hard eventually a friend suggested soya milk, she was five months by this stage, and constantly hovering between the 2nd and 9 th centile for weight, she was such a fussy feeder that feeds used to take over an hour at a time! However three years on and she eats everything and anything! She is bang on average for weight and can have dairy with no problem now. I know its so hard going through it, and I had days when I was really really at the end of my tether, the other bit of advice a friend gave me was put her safely in her cot and walk away, it was so hard to do because she would cry and cry and cry, but eventually she would self settle and after two weeks of this got better at settling in the evenings, to this day I still don't really know if she had a lactose intolerance, had severe colic or just could not self settle/sleep. Interestingly she still doesn't sleep very much! And I often hear her chattering away to herself at 10pm!!
Good luck, it will get easier, try and get out for some walks during the day, and if you know he's fed, got a clean nappy and after being burped, try and pop him in his cot and walk away, leave him for 10 mins and see if he can self settle.

Meant to say, Hales Osteopathic do cranial osteopathy for babies, one of their specialist areas.

MrsSeanBean, I hope you can get through this OK - I remember the feeling after 5 days on noisy postnatal ward with baby next to me - no sleep - felt like I was on drugs and hallucinating due to exhaustion - discharged myself from hospital and woke up next day with no baby (hubby had taken him downstairs) - heaven. Love him to bits and would not be without him now, my saviour was baby and toddler groups, other mums to talk to.

If you don't think they have sorted out what is wrong go back and keep asking. NHS is great but you are the real expert on your child, they only have 10 minute appointments and it's not enough. My son turned out to be coeliac, i.e. intolerant of gluten, it runs in the family but back then GPs thought it was rare so did not even test.

Have you got a local support group - just to hand the baby over to someone else to hold for a few minutes while you talk - try the local church or National Childbirth Trust - or ask health visitor.

Also you say breastfeeding did not suit, but maybe you could try again (sounds mad) but cut stuff out from your diet? e.g. I had to cut out onions for the whole time I breastfed? National Childbirth Trust was the best source of advice on breastfeeding in my area, and I think the hormones released help both mother and baby to feel better. I'm sure you can restart feeding, but get good advice on positioning to avoid problems. (You can breastfeed lying down so even if you're exhausted it's possible!!)