sick of feel poor when we are not, give me a slap

[Blackmouse]

thought id come on here for a good pasting as im annoying myself

we live in a wealthy area, and everyone surrounding us is basically way better off financally

we have a nice three bedroom house witth a lovely garden
dh works ft im a sahm with a baby and older child
which i feel v lucky to be able to do
we have enough to be able to afford holidays and days out and meals out etc
dont really need to worry about what we spend in supermarket

most people i know round here have much bigger houses
and more money to spend
most of them are older i guess
so think thats the main difference is,and im guessing here, they probably bought houses before we did, we bought our first house 2001, so before prices went crazy, but for a lot more than it would have cost if we had bought even three years earlier
age 21 and 22
so if most of them are older say a good five to ten years older
they probably bought their first homes for a real steal

yet i'm always feeling poor
its totally pathetic i know
im even annoying myself

i guess this is one of the downsides of living in an area like this

perhaps i should actually think of moving

i don't want to get a job atm as right now i want to be with my baby even more than i want other things and i admit i am a greedy person

i don't want to get a job atm as right now i want to be with my baby even more than i want other things and i admit i am a greedy person

I think that might be your problem right there OP. If you got a job, or even did something from home to earn some sort of income, you would feel much more in control of your own financial destiny, and you would have a vested interest in how much value you attach to things.

I agree with usual and you sound really ungrateful and annoying to be frank.

You're affluent,no money worries,a housewife no desire to work.and husband funds it all
Stop mumping,it's really middle class preoccupation about house prices
Other folk do worry,watch what hikes in that grocery trolley,dont swan about

so think thats the main difference is,and im guessing here, they probably bought houses before we did, we bought our first house 2001, so before prices went crazy, but for a lot more than it would have cost if we had bought even three years earlier

everyone can say this... start being thankful for what you have jeez think about the people who might read this and cant get on the housing ladder or are wondering if they can pay their bills and feed their families next month.

By your standards, I should be quite unhappy, what with my rented house, having to work- but I'm not, I love my job and you, to be honest, sound quite bored and frustrated.

In terms of 'lucky times to be alive', it doesn't get much luckier than this, yes ok, the 70's generation all have bigger houses, but they weren't rich growing up in the main, things like central heating weren't the norm. And they were an anomaly, every other generation has been less lucky- the one before had the WW2 (fancy compulsory conscription for your husband?), the one before that the depression and WW1 and Spanish flu. Whoever said medicine gets better with every generation was spot on and I think sadly of teenagers I know who died of things that are now curable or could have been vaccinated agains.

Having said all that, discontent can be a good motivator for change, I'm pretty motivated to earn more money at work so I can stop constantly worrying about the bills every month in a nail-biting, will I won't I have enough. You could go out and work if you felt very strongly about having a bigger house- if you start to see that your house and staying home are a choice, just as working out of the home and getting a bigger house might also be a choice, it helps I think.

You sound unfulfilled in your soul.

Also, after all these posters helping you; your posts still sound repetitive.

I hate to say it, but childish too. :(

I think people will tend to have a reasonable amount of sympathy for someone who has been forced into a particular lifestyle, wherever they fall in terms of affluence - e.g. a SAHM who wants to work but can't cover the childcare, or a WOHM who desperately wants to stay home and can't afford it.

But you have made a choice to stay home. You say you don't want to get a job as you want to be a SAHM. That's fine, but it does mean that complaining about it is going to stick in the throats of people who'd love to be in your position.

You have choices. You have a comfortable lifestyle. You can't force yourself to be happy, but a starting point might to remind yourself that you've made a choice and preferred this lifestyle to the other options open to you.

---------------

thats my line, drawn

right starting a fresh today

no more moaning

going to enjoy the day with the dc
get outside get some fresh air and go visit family

yes you are being very unreasonable. You should go and visit India, observe children sleeping on the street and having to beg for every meal. Then see if you are happy with your life. You clearly have way too much time on your hands. sorry but you did ask.

OP - if you really want a dose of reality then I think you should do some charity work or volunteering. I used to help out at soup kitchen in Glasgow when I was a teenager. It was an eyeopener and makes you realise that some times you just need to get a fucking grip.

I frequently see friends of friends boasting on FB about having a new car, booked an expensive holiday, new clothes, handbag etc. I don't automatically think "omg, I wish it was me". More often than not I think "muppet, why do you feel the need to share that with the world, you must be unhappy in other ways."

I feel very sorry for you, OP. You have a lot more than we have, but you still seem jealous and discontented

We live in a small, rented house, we have to save and budget very carefully, and we both work. We get a weekend away in a caravan if we're lucky. And do you know something? We're really, really happy.

I heard a good quote once, along the lines of 'Somebody, somewhere, is happy with less than what you have'. I think it's a really good one to remember

I should hide the thread op.

the 'advice' being given to the OP could apply to most people on MN/most people in the uk.

also - if you want to OP to change her attitude, its probably time to stop having a go at her.

unless you just want someone to have a go at..........

YABU. If you cut back so you can move to another house what happens when someone you know moves to an even bigger house.
My ex sil was just like you (or how you're coming across)
She was never satisfied, always wanted xyz and when she got it there was always something else she wanted, it was vile!
I have thankfully never felt like you do, it must be horrible to be so materialistic.

We are a lot better off than we were 5-10 years ago, we'll hopefully be a lot better off in 5-10 years to come as I'm going back to work after being a SAHM and as we don't take holidays and are investing as much in property as we can but not moving to a better house outlets elves. It'll all pay off when we cash it in.

We've had comments about how lucky we are but then that coming from people who spend rather than invest. I don't have a problem being told we are lucky by people who work hard and aren't as lucky, but not by those who piss it all away or don't work hard enough to get it

YABU. You don't sound very poor to me. If you wanted a bit more disposable income to keep up with the Jones' you could work a couple of days a week. If you would rather be at home then you'll have to be content with your fairly cushy life.

While our daughter is little and in childcare, and we are building an extension on our house to make more room for our family we cannot afford to go on holiday or go for meals out. I still don't think I'm poor, just quite young still.

It's not a question of being unreasonable or not if you feel the away you do then you do. Since you acknowledge it doesn't make much sense , and it sounds quite deep seated from your posts, then you will need to do more than draw lines to change

Try reading Oliver James' book Affluenza as a start

Honestly you know this already op but you are doing great

My tip is move to somewhere shit and you'll be the richest there, we live on a dodgy estate but earn good money and it's cheap rent as it's council so I feel pretty well off. But if we (over) stretched ourselves and lived in a naicer area we'd prob be the poorest there iyswim

I think the OP is being very honest about how she feels tbh.

I have a wonderful life and I know it but haven't made the greatest decisions with money in the past when I could have and should have.

I look at friends now who have paid off their mortgages and living in half million pound houses who don't lie awake at night worrying. That could have been me BUT I live comfortably and am happy and suspect that we can all be just a little bit greedy and want more.

I would like to have reduced our mortgage more and not look like an old hag every morning but I can't change it so need to just accept it!

You are not poor by any stretch.

I have seen people at work (foodbank) who need to decide whether to pay a bill or buy food.

Without food they can't eat, neither can their children, but without electricity, they can't cook the food.

That is what being poor looks like.

Not holidays, eating out, days out or not having to watch your total in the supermarket.

Not knowing whether to pay a bill or buy food.

If you look at the way house prices have gone up you'll realise that many people can only dream of buying a house in your lovely area.

Its human nature to aspire for material security, but perhaps you could train yourself to aspire to other worthwhile things like learning a new skill or helping a local charity - build your 'social capital' if you like.

And think about what values you are raising your children with.